...to want someone to paint my nails and NOTHING ELSE?

[PageStillNotFound404]

(I should clarify: I'm not about to recruit a very specific type of live-in servant.)

I'm posting here partly for traffic and partly because Style & Beauty intimidates me, being two words only ever associated with me in order to finish the sentence "Page hasn't got much..."

Anyway. I'm a right munter but the one bit of me I'm halfway vain about is my hands, or hands and nails to be precise (if grammatically incorrect). I have long slender fingers, my hands are young-looking for my age, my nail beds are nicely shaped and my nails are pretty strong. I don't faff with them; they grow, I cut 'em short and neat, everybody's happy. One of the reasons I don't faff with them is because I have a medical condition that means I have very poor fine motor skills so on the rare occasions I do try to put nail polish on them it looks as though a six-year-old on e-numbers has done it. Blindfolded. On roller skates. Plus I'm too impatient to bother with the 837 different base coats, top coats, over-the-top coats and I try to start Doing Stuff before they're properly dry so they invariably smudge.

I'm going to a wedding in a couple of weeks and thought it would be nice to Do My Nails to go with my outfit. Or rather, get a professional to Do them. But. But but but. I don't want any faffing. I don't want my cuticles messed around with, my nail beds poked at, anything involving shellac, falsies or that requires industrial strength solvent to remove. I just want to sit there with my hands out while someone paints the requisite number of coats on them, pay said person an appropriate sum of money and then leave. I wouldn't be averse to a bit of an ombre effect (ooh, get me, I'll be talking about "a pop of colour" next) but that's as technical as it gets.

Is that something that can be done? Can I call into/ring up a beauty salon, nail bar or similar and just ask for my nails to be painted and nothing else? Will I be laughed out of the door? Is it a "thing" or do you have to have all the poking and prodding and primping as part of the package?

Just did an unladylike snort at 'chimpanzee wearing mittens'

Keep em coming Page, you're making my day better!

Page, if you live anywhere near me I'll come and paint your nails in return for the enjoyment of reading your descriptions

Page love your post style, really makes me smile!

Perhaps start your own Non Pfaff Vlog? 💅🏽

Just ask for a polish. Say at the beginning you don't want cuticle work.
If you don't want them filed make sure they are even before you go. Just say I'd just like a paint.
I have clients who don't want cuticle work. I explain the benefits to them but don't push, it's up to them!

Griphook
CND vinylux is a longer wear polish. It doesn't need a uv lamp and it is removed just with a swipe of acetone. No soak removal.

Gashlycrumb, I'm not sure there's much of an audience for a vlog by a 40-mumble woman with unkempt brows, whose hair styling products consist of a hairdryer and some Elnette hairspray (the latter for special occasions), whose instructions to her hairdresser are - genuinely - "oh, just the usual boring trim" - and whose morning makeup routine consists of...sorry, I'm laughing at the thought of me voluntarily choosing to give up an extra 15 minutes in bed in order to put on makeup.

I do have Very Nice Nails though Maybe I could give tutorials on how to eat biscuits and drink gin while showing off one's VNN to their best advantage?

Thanks itsbetter (and indeed, everyone who has given me sensible advice). What are the benefits of cuticle work? Mine are healthy, follow the shape of the bottom of my nail perfectly and are so thin and neat as to be barely noticeable. No raggedy bits, thickening, discolouration or anything, so I'm not sure what someone fiddling with them would achieve.

Page I think you would be surprised!

I'm also late 40's, spend 5 minutes make up, 2 minutes hair., and kind of have a "uniform", of colours and styles that suit me.

Have the "badger culled", or grey covered and cut every 6 weeks.

So do spend very little time on appearance, but am told I look well put together.

I was given the lovely gift of a huge pamper day at my local salon, filled me with dread, managed to use the value, for waxing of eyebrow and bikini line for myself and DDs, instead.

What I'm trying to say, is I do like to look nice, am willing to put in very little effort and money, and cannot get too excited about the prospect of new products, Pfaff, and pfussing.

So do spend very little time on appearance, but am told I look well put together

Not a phrase that has ever been applied to me, to my certain knowledge. I very very occasionally get "you look nice" when I've made a mega-effort for a special occasion, but the inevitable tone of surprise somewhat undermines the compliment.

I am however warming to the idea of a gin vlog. I came to gin late in life and like most converts to the cause, can get really fecking boring about it now. Evangelical vegans? Pah! They look uncommitted in comparison.

Ok, so Gin, now I can get excited about this, along with single malts.

Have you tried Bathtub Gin, and Botanical Gin?

Both delicious and very smooth, the Botanical is almost syrupy, straight from the fridge, neat,over ice with a wedge of lime!

Ah, Professor Cornelius Ampleforth's Bathtub Gin! Probably the best infusion gin around.

By Botanical do you mean The Botanist? Another good gin although I've never tried it neat

My current faves are Martin Miller's, Rock Rose and the prince of gins IMO, Monkey 47.

I love this thread!
I am a new nail convert after biting my nails for over thirty five years , and deciding to start growing them at xmas.
I now sport beautifully strong nails, that I can't quite believe are mine
I'm prone to waving them about in awe, am obsessive about hand cream and cuticle oil, and my mum and dds are quite amazed

My bank balance has taken a hammering , as I keep purchasing new colours from amazon, and popping down to the local nail salon for a new look.
£10 for a manicure, and £5 /£7 for a nail polish change. They are all vietnamese and don't speak much English. This is perfect for me, I like to be in and out, with no chit chat, but their eyebrows, manicures and pedicures are second to none.

I also have been debating gel nails, but don't want to ruin mine. However, the thought of shiny, non chipped nails for nearly three weeks or so, has this newly nail obsessed lady drooling.

Go for it OP.
You might find you fit right in

I'm already planning my new colour for returning to work in the new school term.

Sorry, I do mean the Botanist, not tried the ones you have mentioned, but have a great wine merchant down here, who stocks a great selection, so will keep my eyes open, thanks.

Haha Page, I am you (or you are me!) - I am also a 40-mumble woman with very nice nails (although no hairdryer - I am possibly even less put together than you!).

I had my nails painted at a nail bar in a department store for the first time last year. I was there to buy a present for a party that night, had been making plum jam the day before and my nails were a bit stained, seeing there were no customers at the bar, suddenly decided to sit down and get the job done. Very awkward experience, once I told the young wan why my nails were stained I could see her brain whirring with incomprehension at the very idea that you could even make jam, she then asked me what my beauty routine was. ??? We had no further conversation! The nails turned out nicely, though.

Pagestillnotfound
Ok so what you think cuticle is isn't what cuticle actually is. It's just that it's commonly misnamed.
The pic I've attached shows a flaking one but often it looks invisible but is there on everyone. The cuticle actually grows up the nail plate. The bit at the bottom is the eponychium, we don't cut that.
If you don't remove true cuticle polish doesn't go on as cleanly or stay on as as long as it is sitting on skin. It's just softened and pushed down to clean the nail completely. If someone is cutting off your eponychium then that's wrong and risks infection.

Sorry haven't RTFT but just chiming in to say in your position I would definitely go with Vinylux.

I also can't imagine not getting my nails filed at the same time BUT saying that my nail technician is amazing and I wouldn't trust anyone else with my nails so I do kind of get that too!

You are very funny op this has made me smile!!

In my local (nail bar not pub :p) they call this a 'natural polish' :)