...to want someone to paint my nails and NOTHING ELSE?

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(I should clarify: I'm not about to recruit a very specific type of live-in servant.)

I'm posting here partly for traffic and partly because Style & Beauty intimidates me, being two words only ever associated with me in order to finish the sentence "Page hasn't got much..."

Anyway. I'm a right munter but the one bit of me I'm halfway vain about is my hands, or hands and nails to be precise (if grammatically incorrect). I have long slender fingers, my hands are young-looking for my age, my nail beds are nicely shaped and my nails are pretty strong. I don't faff with them; they grow, I cut 'em short and neat, everybody's happy. One of the reasons I don't faff with them is because I have a medical condition that means I have very poor fine motor skills so on the rare occasions I do try to put nail polish on them it looks as though a six-year-old on e-numbers has done it. Blindfolded. On roller skates. Plus I'm too impatient to bother with the 837 different base coats, top coats, over-the-top coats and I try to start Doing Stuff before they're properly dry so they invariably smudge.

I'm going to a wedding in a couple of weeks and thought it would be nice to Do My Nails to go with my outfit. Or rather, get a professional to Do them. But. But but but. I don't want any faffing. I don't want my cuticles messed around with, my nail beds poked at, anything involving shellac, falsies or that requires industrial strength solvent to remove. I just want to sit there with my hands out while someone paints the requisite number of coats on them, pay said person an appropriate sum of money and then leave. I wouldn't be averse to a bit of an ombre effect (ooh, get me, I'll be talking about "a pop of colour" next) but that's as technical as it gets.

Is that something that can be done? Can I call into/ring up a beauty salon, nail bar or similar and just ask for my nails to be painted and nothing else? Will I be laughed out of the door? Is it a "thing" or do you have to have all the poking and prodding and primping as part of the package?

Spray polish review:

www.buzzfeed.com/ailbhemalone/absolutely-bobbins#.dfwep6rrdN

That can absolutely be done. If you just politely explain to the salon what you would like, i'm sure you won't have a problem. You are paying for it after all, so you will get what you want. I know you don't want nothing fancy, but there's a new gel type varnish that they can use that lasts about 4 weeks, as opposed to the usual 3 days before it starts to chip away. It's no more invasive than the regular varnish and you will have lovely nails for longer.

I can see I was really unclear!

The people who make shellac also make an ordinary nail varnish that is NOT shellac - it just paints on and wipes off as normal! But it's an excellent nail varnish, much better than OPI or jessica etc etc.

My grandmother used to have someone come to the house every week to do just that i.e. just paint, no filing or faffing. (yes, she was a bit...umm extravagant? Demanding? high maintenance? All of those ) Maybe a mobile nail person would be good then you can wear your pyjamas

My GM also used to have her hair styled twice a week.

Dh and I seem to be morphing into my GPs so I am eagerly awaiting my conversion to a perfectly coiffed lady of leisure...

I think lots of salons will assume customers want gel or acrylics etc because the majority of us don't have lovely nails. They're quite rare so OP you're lucky!

All local salons hear do,either express manicure or a file and polish. Before filing they will ask what shape you want. Just be very clear you're happy with the shape.

I'm the same re the extra faffing round (lots of people would love this though I'm sure!) but arm massages etc? No thanks.

Tell them express manicure please and you're rushing off to lunch or whatever if you need to ram the point home a bit.

What colour are you thinking? I'm being nosey and in need of inspiration! :)

here

Shellac is the work of the devil after it has been taken off because it ruins my nails.
But
It is the work of angels when it is on my nails and lasts for almost three weeks.

holly agree. I'm having mine done with Shellac this weekend for a wedding. My only option as my nails are split and normal polish lasts c. 1 hour before chipping. I know full well this means about 6 months' recovery needed no matter how gently it is removed.

OP celebrate your lovely natural nails.

File and polish at a salon or mobile beauty therapist.

I have really good, strong, nice nails but have gel overlays anyway because I can't bear painting my nails only to have them chip within 24 hours. Whether I'm doing the painting or paying someone else.

Shellac is indeed bad. It strips your nails. Gels are also bad if you don't remove them properly. I never do - I peel them and ruin my nails. Can't stop myself. But on the few occasions I've managed to soak and remove, my nails have been fine. I think if you have strong nails to start with, gels are cool.

The ladies in the place that do my nails would do exactly what I wanted them to, so I wouldn't worry. Just say, I'm happy with the cuticles and the length, I don't want them snipping or filing - can you just add a base coat and polish them, please?

Shellac doesn't necessarily ruin your nails if taken off properly btw.

If a nailbar or salon takes it off they do it in the quickest time they can, which usually involves filing it off as well as soaking.

I remove my own shellac - on Amazon you can bulk buy the individual removal foils and shellac remover (not neat acetone).
I leave the foils on my fingers for about 20 mins then when I take them off the old shellac just falls off.

Anyway, to answer OP, just tell the beautician exactly what you want - polish only, no other stuff. Tell them you're happy with the shape etc so want them left as they are.
It's not as scary as it appears!

Shellac doesn't ruin my nails. I take it off myself with acetone from the pharmacy, cotton balls, and bits of aluminum from the roll in the kitchen.

The reason it's difficult to just have your nails painted is that there's not much money in it. These nail salons will always push for extras to bump up your bill..hand massage, re-shaping, trying to flog you their products before you leave..

at your cat getting sprayed purple.

Thank you all. Beauty salons to me are a bit like doing your food shopping in M&S was when I was a child...people do it, the results are lovely, but it's not for the likes of us.

You never know, I might throw caution to the winds and get my eyebrows threaded too. (Do people still do that? Or is asking for eyebrow threading the beauty equivalent of ordering prawn cocktail and Black Forest gateau unironically in a restaurant?)

Ilove I saw a lovely shades-of-dusky-lilac ombre effect on Pinterest. When I'm back home I'll see if I can find the photo. Of course, it probably costs eleventy-million pounds and is only available in the bleeding-edge nail bars of Noo Yawk, but it looked pretty.

OP get yourself booked in! Threading is alive and well and being done at salons all over the place.

In my experience of salons yes there are ladies in there who look like they have some sort of running maintenance schedule, proper regulars who would hang around all day flicking through mags and making a social of it. And then others who see it as more of a practical in and out as fast as poss (me).

Colour (and effect) sounds great! Go for it.

Love it that you chose AIBU and not style and beauty. Perfect. :)

Shellac doesn't ruin my nails either, although I do have very strong nails.

I get mine off by putting my hands in warm soapy water and picking the shellac off. That does leave a little of the bae coat but that comes off naturally.

Base, not bae. I don't have aeroplanes under my shellac.

My nails are fine with shellac gel polish too but I take it off properly myself. You need cotton wool pads (cut to size), pure acetone (buy it cheap in home bargains) and tin foil (cut into small strips).

Put acetone onto a bit of cotton wool pad, put it over the nail and then wrap with tinfoil. Repeat for all nails (if doing it yourself it's easier to do one hand at a time) and then leave for 20/30 minutes. I use a cuticle tool to scrape the peeling bits off and then wipe the nail with the acetone soaked pad to get the last of the residue.

No advice whatsoever but can I just say I loves you Page! You have a funny way of writing, I've read the entire thread even though my own nails are crappy.

Purple cat!
Drinky neighbour!

Aww, thank you Alpaca. That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me ever this week.

This thread has really made me smile.

OP I have visions of you dashing into the salon going 'quick paint my nails, just that and none of your funny business'. Then getting carried away, loving it and emerging all high maintenance to give any WAG a run for their money!

I was going to say you're funny, too OP. You got me hooked

I also find it fascinating that OP chose to post in AIBU because she finds Style & Beauty intimidating