...to want someone to paint my nails and NOTHING ELSE?

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(I should clarify: I'm not about to recruit a very specific type of live-in servant.)

I'm posting here partly for traffic and partly because Style & Beauty intimidates me, being two words only ever associated with me in order to finish the sentence "Page hasn't got much..."

Anyway. I'm a right munter but the one bit of me I'm halfway vain about is my hands, or hands and nails to be precise (if grammatically incorrect). I have long slender fingers, my hands are young-looking for my age, my nail beds are nicely shaped and my nails are pretty strong. I don't faff with them; they grow, I cut 'em short and neat, everybody's happy. One of the reasons I don't faff with them is because I have a medical condition that means I have very poor fine motor skills so on the rare occasions I do try to put nail polish on them it looks as though a six-year-old on e-numbers has done it. Blindfolded. On roller skates. Plus I'm too impatient to bother with the 837 different base coats, top coats, over-the-top coats and I try to start Doing Stuff before they're properly dry so they invariably smudge.

I'm going to a wedding in a couple of weeks and thought it would be nice to Do My Nails to go with my outfit. Or rather, get a professional to Do them. But. But but but. I don't want any faffing. I don't want my cuticles messed around with, my nail beds poked at, anything involving shellac, falsies or that requires industrial strength solvent to remove. I just want to sit there with my hands out while someone paints the requisite number of coats on them, pay said person an appropriate sum of money and then leave. I wouldn't be averse to a bit of an ombre effect (ooh, get me, I'll be talking about "a pop of colour" next) but that's as technical as it gets.

Is that something that can be done? Can I call into/ring up a beauty salon, nail bar or similar and just ask for my nails to be painted and nothing else? Will I be laughed out of the door? Is it a "thing" or do you have to have all the poking and prodding and primping as part of the package?

I'm not afraid of a good scrap - I've got the nails for it - or a robustly expressed opinion, but style mavens scare the bejaysus out of me...they're like another exotic species who are fluent in a language in which I can only grunt and point.

Jamberry nails - no painting, no acrylics, no nail damage, lots of amazing designs.

But it's only painting, buffing and smearing oily stuff on body parts. How hard can it be?

Page I was like you, AIBU - no problem, but avoided S and B in case they said things like "a smoky eye"

But...encountering a problem which sent me running to The Dark Side - well, they were lovely! Honestly, very good and kind advice and they didn't laugh and point. I even got PMs offering additional advice and handholding. So I say go for it. Venture in.

Embrace it. You know you want to

We could set up an underground S and B! OP you can be chief moderator. Let's ask HQ for a new subject, erm like DIY car mechanics then use it do discuss low key nail painting action.

(Miffle is right though)

Ilove this is the idea I saw (slightly darker than lilac now I look at it again). My nails are more naturally rounded than these but I think the colour would still work.

I'll be sure to update you if I end up with a full wax, spray tan, eyelash tint and...umm...whatever else the bright young WAGS are wearing on their face these days.

I was just about to say the same thing alpaca!

If your near me il paint them for you page. All I want in return is a coffee and a chat :-)

Aw, thanks Ginkypig but that's even further than some of my now-distant friends.

So THAT'S a nail wrap?! Humph. I feel cheated.

YANBU AT ALL

I don't understand all the pointless faffing. I feel like the faffing exists purely to substantiate the cost of a manicure.

Ooh nice! Defo show the pic in the salon - they may be able to achieve ombre with polish (not wraps). Hope they can for you. Booked in yet or what?

Oh well il enjoy you from afar said in a non weird stalky way

Of course you can do that with polish! All you need to do is paint the base colour (the darkest), leave it to dry then use a clean make up sponge to dab the next lighter colour over a part of your nail. Leave that to dry and the dab the lightest colour over that. It's fairly simple by nail art standards!

QuestionableMouse, I assume by "you" you mean "someone with a modicum of skill who doesn't put nail polish on like a chimpanzee wearing mittens". Definitely not "you" as in "me, Page".

A lot of places near me have something called a "repaint". This probably involves removing old polish if applicable - but if not, just polishing.

Failing that, book a file and polish, and say "I don't want them filed, just polish them" but no, they shouldn't think that too weird. Particularly if you say that on booking.

wunk has made me laugh. I'm afraid I find it disproportionately amusing.

I like Black Forest gateaux and QVC do nail wrap stuff that a pissed up cat couldn't fuck up even if it was purple

I opened this thread all intrigued, thinking 'what else are they likely to paint?'.

Feel a fool.

Yeah, it's called a basic manicure/file and polish. It's totally normal. God I loathe it when people who aren;t into that stuff act like it's some big 3 ring circus. Christ, just call them up and ask them.

Just to clarify the shellac point - this is it. It's easily the best nail varnish I've ever had, it lasts for a good week without chipping (and I am the sort of person who could chip/smudge my nails if i lay still in the dark for an hour!). But it's just normal nail varnish, comes off with ordinary remover.
Does this stuff work without needed to be put under a lamp? And when you say comes off do they need to be soaked off or just wiped off?

To be fair Booboobedoo, if it were me doing the painting then the answer could easily be:

a) the sides of all of my fingers
b) the coffee table
c) the leg of my jeans
d) the cat
e) the other cat
f) the remote control
g) the gin bottle
h) my DH
i) all of the above

It might be totally normal in your world PortobelloRoad but I have literally never set foot in a beauty salon in my life. But well done on being born knowing this stuff.

By you I meant whoever you pay to polish your nails.