to no longer want to provide free childcare for my exp

[ratburger56]

Aibu to resent being expected to continue to be a free childcare service to my ex even though it greatly reduces the time that i can work?

We have been seperated for 2yrs, and are currently divorcing.

We have 50/50 shared care for our two young children who adore both of us and have been in the same routine for the last two years.

My ex wants to now swap the routine around as his job is changing and his days off will now be in the half of the week that i currently have the children. He has a decent enough salary and can afford either not to work the hours he is choosing or to pay for childcare in his time with the children.

I am a lone parent with no available help from family currently looking for low paid part time work to fit around the time that the children are with him. I have been a sahp to our children for the last 7yrs and already finding it tough to find a job to fit in with the available time that i have.My problem with the proposed swap is that it will further limit the time i can work from three days down to two as it will mean i will have the children for three week days instead of the two that i currently have them. We have split the child benefit so i would only get help with childcare costs for one of the children if i were to swap and would be struggling to make ends meet if i needed to cover the childcare costs as well due to me having the children for an extra day during the week.

He has said to me that i should swap or he will be seeking to have more than 50% of the time with the children to make up for the time that he is working and having to pay for childcare.

Ratburger, I have been in a similar position (without the complicated finances, as EXP gives me £15 per week towards DS' care, which is a whole other thread). In my case EXP originally had DS on 2 particular days of the week and kept changing these to suit his needs.

In my case I am very lucky to have a very flexible part time job and help from family. However, eventually my constantly changing days had an affect on my career prospects and I got fed up of everything having to suit EXP, and not knowing from one week to the next what was happening.

I stood up to him and he threatened all sorts, had me running scared. I saw a fabulous solicitor who is also a mediator. She made me see that EXP is a great big bully, and that he cannot enforce his requirements on me. That every time I give in to his threats I reinforce the fact that I can be pushed around. She explained why it would be best to avoid any kind of court situation, but she explained that any court would see that I had done more than enough to accommodate him and that it was time to stop.

So I stood up to him. He hated it and the threats escalated- like a child testing the boundaries that I set. I then refused any contact other than in writing until he could communicate without bullying. 3 days of constant phone calls later he got the message, and left me alone.

Things have now got easier, he still swaps and changes a little (let's not expect miracles), and I accommodate that where I can because I try to strike a balance between facilitating his relationship with DS and sticking rigidly to plans. But I am so very glad that I stood up to him.

One more thing- to the posters saying the OP should look to weekends to fit in more work. For me weekends are precious time to spend with DS when he is not at school, I would not appreciate EXP pushing me into a situation where I lost that time to suit his work or hobby. the same may be true for the OP.