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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ignore jibes from friend of friends?

46 replies

pandarific · 30/03/2016 21:31

I have two friends at work, let's call them A and B, who are very close friends. I'm mates with both, individually and separately, and have been since we all met.

Another woman, C, quickly became very close friends with A and B too after she started, meeting up at the weekend etc, where as I don't unless its a bday or something (am okay with that). Thing is, C and I have never seen eye to eye. You know when you meet someone, and for some reason you just don't click? That.

Since C left the place I work at she's been there several times when A, B and I are hanging out as she's really good friends with them both and they often socialise as a trio. However, in the interim C has decided she hates me, and every time we get together, she will - either in front of the others or more often when the others are at the bar/in the loo etc - say something SO catty and bitchy I'm just sitting there like Shock.

One example - A, C and I finishing the last of several glasses of wine, drinking up and getting ready to leave (B having left earlier) and C leans across the table and says 'Oh, I see what's going on here, you think A likes you, you think you're FRIENDS. Hahahahaha!' A is going 'quiet, shut up, shut up etc', and then we leave.

I know she's just a cow, I'm not particularly worried about whatever I may have done to offend her, but I am getting so pissed off with it. I'm just like... WTF is wrong with you? I've never said anything back, or even reacted, but I am this close to glitter-bombing her and denying all knowledge.

Gaaah it's just so frustrating - I don't feel I should have to stop being friends with A and B and though I avoid deliberately seeing her, she often arrives with them/joins, so I WILL be in her company. AIBU to grit my teeth and ignore her? I suspect anything I say back will just fuel it.

OP posts:
Temporaryanonymity · 30/03/2016 21:34

Blimey. How old are you all?

CubicZirconiaBossyBabe · 30/03/2016 21:34

No, I'm really sorry, but I think there's something else going on here

I think A and/or B are bitching about you to C but are better at being nice to your face than C

Sounds like the venom originates with A and B and is just coming out through C

sorry Sad

molyholy · 30/03/2016 21:35

You need to say something so she realises you aren't a pushover. Bad form for friend A not to tell her to shut up, but I would say 'how rude', or 'what is your problem?'

Lilaclily · 30/03/2016 21:36

Being around that level of bitchy is toxic
We have it at work but luckily no need to socialise with the horrid ones

VagueIdeas · 30/03/2016 21:38

C leans across the table and says 'Oh, I see what's going on here, you think A likes you, you think you're FRIENDS. Hahahahaha!' A is going 'quiet, shut up, shut up etc', and then we leave.

Did A say "quiet!" in a "you're being out of order" way, or a "shush!" way?

Either way, I'd be wondering why A wasn't more direct in terms of calling C out for saying such a horrible thing to you.

dudsville · 30/03/2016 21:38

Whatever is going on this just doesn't sound like much fun or very nice. I'd want to walk away from all of them. If A &/or B then seek you out, talk this out and see them separately if you like but there's no need to socialise with C at all.

CubicZirconiaBossyBabe · 30/03/2016 21:38

C leans across the table and says 'Oh, I see what's going on here, you think A likes you, you think you're FRIENDS. Hahahahaha!' A is going 'quiet, shut up, shut up etc',

A is not your friend Sad
C is a gormless idiot who is actually doing you a favour by bringing this to the surface.
C is probably relieved to be in with the bitchy women, because if they're bitching TO her about you, then they're not bitching ABOUT her….. but she's probably wrong about that…

..dunno if i's A and B, but A is not a friend

TresDesolee · 30/03/2016 21:39

What tone did she say it in (about you thinking A liked you) - is it possible A genuinely thought it was a joke? (Although it doesn't sound like it if A was telling her to shut up)

What I'm getting at is that A and B are shit friends if they know C is doing this and just go along with it/invite her to places you're going to be. If that's the case I'd bin the lot of them and find other friends tbh

Arfarfanarf · 30/03/2016 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MagicMojito · 30/03/2016 21:40

Some people are just twats. There really is no rhyme or reason to it. Don't even respond to her. Every time she comes out with her "witty" little put downs just look at her like this > Hmm and a quick "so, anywayyyy..." and just move on. She's a bellend.

Birthgeek · 30/03/2016 21:41

You need to tell friends A & B that they may not bring C along to any meet-ups as you dislike each other and the situation isn't going to improve.

WonderingAspie · 30/03/2016 21:42

A's response is off. It sounds like she has been saying stuff that C is now repeati g and she is trying to get her to shut up. That's how I read it. Sorry.

I'd call C out on it. Say to her "just what is your problem with me bitch?" Put her on the spot. Why should you have to sit and take that.

She is a Wendy!

TeaPleaseLouise · 30/03/2016 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MunchMunch · 30/03/2016 21:45

Another one who agrees that A isn't as friendly as she is making out.

TresDesolee · 30/03/2016 21:46

Nobody I consider a friend would just sit there while someone said something like that to me. My best mate (actually several of my mates) would tell them to fuck off in no uncertain terms, unless it was blatantly a joke.

cozietoesie · 30/03/2016 21:47

I couldn't be bothered with it all - I'd just leave them to it. They'll fall out soon enough if you aren't there to act as whipping boy.

Gwenci · 30/03/2016 21:48

I'm sorry, I agree with PP; the correct response from A in that scenario is 'WTF C, of course I like panda, what are you talking about?!'

What A actually said just implies that and she's panicked that C has just told the truth.

Sorry OP, that's a shit thing for 'friends' to do.

Sunnybitch · 30/03/2016 21:50

Leave the trio of bitches and find yourself some real friends!

Rainbunny · 30/03/2016 21:52

Sorry OP, A is not your friend or at least she is a crappy friend to you. She has clearly been bitching about you to C hence her response to tell C to shut up instead of denying what C said to you. It is possible that C has been instigating the bitching about you to A (and B?) and A is just too weak to defend you so she goes along with it, or she agrees and contributes to the bitching.

What does seem clear is that she has given C to understand that she (A) does not consider herself to be your friend. Sorry, I know this is hurtful but you are better off knowing where you stand and without pathetic, cowardly people like this.

I am now wondering about B's position in all this.... sorry :(

WhereYouLeftIt · 30/03/2016 21:53

" A is going 'quiet, shut up, shut up etc', and then we leave."
Sorry pandarific, My interpretation of A's response is that she was trying to stop C completely letting the cat out of the bag. A has being saying things to C, and C was about to reveal all.

Original poster
pandarific · 30/03/2016 21:55

Hmm, it's hard to say what the tone was tbh. As response I read as 'stfu and stop being an asshole' but also a bit of 'shhhhh' - thing is, she does talk about other friends behind their back a bit, but nothing bad per se. I've never heard A be unkind about people so I assumed that what was happening was that she said something innocuous about me previously and of course C gets straight in there with the bitching.

I have worried a bit because of this about whether A/B do want to be friends with me, but if they don't, why invite me out for drinks, lunch, why send nice texts? DP reckons it's just C meddling, but I do worry.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 30/03/2016 21:56

If you've got other friends to hang out with, I'd leave A,B and C to it.

Aworldofmyown · 30/03/2016 21:58

c is definitely a Wendy. However the other 2 are questionable, B wasn't there to defend you but A should have.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 30/03/2016 22:02

Glitter bomb Wendy at the earliest opportunity.

TresDesolee · 30/03/2016 22:02

Some people are just monumental bellends who like having a bitch (and you can't satisfyingly bitch about someone if they don't spend any time with you, thereby providing you with bitching material).

the only other option is to try talking to A and B about it directly, and judging whether their response reassures you. But if they are monumental bitches, this could well make things worse. Do you still work with them?

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