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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse sex with DH until he learns hygiene

78 replies

Mousedl1 · 30/03/2016 16:32

Ok so I love my DH but his personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired and it actually turns my stomach. He washes his hear every couple of days but I can't remember the last time he actually bathed or showered! He doesn't smell or anything but his breathe does. He doesn't clean his teeth from one day to the next and can literally go days until I flip as I have a really sensitive sense of smell.
I have tried gentle reminded etc but I have 3 kids and refuse to chase him round everyday but the smell is vulgar! Is it unreasonable to actually tell him I won't kiss or consider sex until this improves

OP posts:
Roseberrry · 30/03/2016 16:51

Can you be bothered to mother him? Treat him like a child that needs forcing to get in the bath until it becomes habit.
Obviously this isn't something you should have to do but if he won't do it himself then he needs telling.

Roseberrry · 30/03/2016 16:51

I don't blame you, it's enough to put you off for life!

ohmywhatamisaying · 30/03/2016 16:52

........Kipper cock thread?

Oh lord, should I ask?

ijustwannadance · 30/03/2016 16:53

Why won't he just get in the shower. Just as bloody easy as washing hair over the bath.
Does he work? I would hate to be a colleague of his. Dirty begger.

Tanfastic · 30/03/2016 16:53

So the answer appears to be yanbu to tell him you won't kiss him or have sex with him until he sorts it out.

Let us know what happens.

Alasalas2 · 30/03/2016 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YoJesse · 30/03/2016 16:56

Offer to go down on him but only if he showers first Grin. I find its works well as an incentive! Same goes for teeth brushing and regular sex.

Original poster
Mousedl1 · 30/03/2016 16:56

Yes he does work and in a semi manual job. No I do not have the time or patient to mother him and chase him round I begrudge doing it with a 13 year old I have no intention with an adult I work too many hours

OP posts:
iMatter · 30/03/2016 16:56

Ugh. He sounds awful.

His breath, his armpits, his genitals, his feet.

I wouldn't want to shake hands with him, let alone shag him.

Does he even wash his hands after he goes to the loo?

Does he have dirty finger nails?

Ugh ugh ugh.

expatinscotland · 30/03/2016 16:58

'Offer to go down on him but only if he showers first grin. I find its works well as an incentive! Same goes for teeth brushing and regular sex.'

When you have to trade sexual favours for someone to bother taking basic care of himself, that's pretty dire. I'd dump anyone that minging from the get go. How sad.

Jenijena · 30/03/2016 17:00

I wouldn't share sheets with him, never mind bodily fluids.

I'd also find it hard to share a house with him...

YoJesse · 30/03/2016 17:01

I was sort of joking expat! I've gone there myself but wasn't offering it as serious advice.

BastardGoDarkly · 30/03/2016 17:01

Hardly a shining example to the kids either.

TheCricketWidow · 30/03/2016 17:01

Not brushing his teeth would be a deal breaker for me im afraid.

KissingFish · 30/03/2016 17:05

Another grim man thread. These threads are making feel physically sick.

Shit on a towel and now not washing at all and leaving ear wax everywhere?

Why do people put up with these menchildren?

liberatedwine · 30/03/2016 17:05

The waxy hairgrips would have been a dealbreaker for me. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Can you still get divorced for unreasonable behaviour?

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 30/03/2016 17:10

Good grief, I'm surprised his workmates haven't started to take the piss out of him for this. Have you asked him why he'll bother to wash his hair over the bath but won't actually wash the rest of his body while he's at it? It's very strange to just do his hair.

I could not tolerate being around someone who refuses to clean their teeth. Never mind withdrawing sex, I'd be packing his bags. What is wrong with people? Confused

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 30/03/2016 17:10

How can you bear to share a bed with him? Uurrgh.

Sunnyshores · 30/03/2016 17:11

You have to tell him its disrespectful (to you and everyone else he encounters).

Whether he should wash more or not and whether he wants to or not isnt really the point anymore - does he want to see you happy and does he still want you to love him.

bettyberry · 30/03/2016 17:12

Sorry but I couldn't handle this. I dated a guy for 6 mths who, at the very very start, actually did make an effort but then his hygiene slipped. Stinky feet, not brushing his teeth, not showing daily. Wearing the same pants because he couldn't be arsed to wash them.

it was when he got an abscess under his tooth and refused to have it fixed that was the final straw with his scutty behaviour. It took a good few months after I ditched him for him to finally have the tooth pulled.

Its an absolute deal breaker for me now. Only exception to not cleaning yourself here - dying.

LeaLeander · 30/03/2016 17:18

Deal breaker. Ick. Is he the father of your children; i.e. how long have you endured this and if so why is it a problem now?

I have heard of people actually developing phobias to water and thus refusing to bathe/shower/brush teeth. but if he's doing his hair ... it's perplexing.

Platelet · 30/03/2016 17:22

My ex used to be like this. Just a dirty, lazy man. No mental health problems to blame it on, he used to hold down quite a respectable job. He was just a dirty pig basically. Laziness meant he'd lay in bed until the last possible moment then jump out of bed, pull on his clothes that had lain on the floor since the night before then run down stairs into the car picking sleep out of his eyes.

He rarely showered, wore dirty clothes and his hair was greasy and teeth dirty.
The final straw came when he slid out of bed and left a skid all across the bottom sheet.

I left him. When I came back to get my belongings the house was an absolute tip, the toilet covered in faeces and urine, wet clothes all over the kitchen floor from the washing machine, food plates and general mess everywhere.

I never regret the day I left him.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 30/03/2016 17:23

I couldn't live with a man that disgusting, it shows a huge lack of respect for you.

ZestyDragon · 30/03/2016 17:30

My DH can be a little like this and in his case its gotten worse because of depression on top of not being taught what to do as a child. For me, I can tolerate it because he acknowledges its become an issue due to depression and I understand the toxic abusive background he comes from. I now do remind him but as soon as I do that he will shower etc. He really wasn't always like this but we are addressing it at the moment and he is getting better at it again.

In your case OP your DH just seems like a dirty fecker unless there was other issues going on.

lorelei9here · 30/03/2016 17:36

OMD this is beyond gross

doesn't his bad breath bother the DC, his friends, his colleagues...?

I remember once being shocked when a flatmate (!) told me "most people would secretly be a bit minging, left to themselves". Er no, I live alone and I shower daily (twice in summer) and brush teeth daily!

That said, I have a neighbour who has quite a high powered job - I bumped into him on a day off, just popping out to do some errands. He clearly hadn't cleaned his teeth! I did wonder what his wife thinks.

Ugh!! So glad I live alone. Sorry, OP, but this really has made me shudder.

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