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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask that you cook a meal

91 replies

Ozwizard · 29/03/2016 18:08

Not a full on three course meal, just dinner for tonight. It will be turkey mince with pasta. Should take about twenty minutes away from the Xbox!
You would think that I had asked that the Nile be parted!! Yes yes I get that you are a teenager and have other things that are so much more important to do than help your mum out on this one occasion!
I came out of hospital three days ago having had a major tummy operation. And didn't fancy/can't stand at the cooker. Aibu?

OP posts:
yorkshapudding · 29/03/2016 19:06

Sorry, cross post with your last update. In that case, do it and ignore the resulting tantrum (whilst enjoying your takeaway) or he'll continue to go through life thinking your very purpose on this earth is to serve him.

KurriKurri · 29/03/2016 19:11

I think you need a very firm talk with him along the lines of
'I am unwell at the moment, I am in pain and unable to cook. My main priority is getting well again. I will order the ingredients for your meals and you will have to cook them yourself or go without.'

No discussion, no debate.

I would then order myself a take away for tonight and for other nights easy stuff you can just shove in the oven for yourself or more take aways. If he won't eat frozen pizza or ready meals or whatever is easiest for you then he cooks his own.

If he's hungry enough he'll either get cooking or find out he's not so picky after all and eat what's available.

As for turning off the wifi going down like a lead balloon - why aren't you telling him his selfishness is going down like a lead balloon with you. Any teenager is capable of cooking a quick simple meal - he should making something for you to eat and checking to see you are OK making you cups of tea etc. That's what my kids did as teens when I was ill - and they weren't special altruistic angels - just normal kids.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 29/03/2016 19:12

I'm intrigued by turkey mince and pasta.

Who did the shopping? Did you say to him, when he asked for turkey mince and pasta, that he would be cooking it? How much notice has he had that you want him to cook tonight?

BastardGoDarkly · 29/03/2016 19:12

Yanbu.

Selfish sod. How old is he?

YouTheCat · 29/03/2016 19:12

Change the wifi password. If you switch it off he'll just switch it back on.

Just make sure you make a note of it so, in your drug-addled state, you don't forget it.

Are you able to cobble together something for yourself? If so, don't feed the ungrateful wretch, just feed you.

nilbyname · 29/03/2016 19:22

Give him a 15 minute warning, then turn it off. Acts like a preschooler, treated like one too!

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

Original poster
Ozwizard · 29/03/2016 19:26

He chose the turkey pasta online shopping delivery, and the shaved Parmesan to go with it at his request. It was said last night that this would be tonight's meal that he can cook. When I asked him to start getting on with it because I will need to take my next set of painkillers with food. He had a tantrum! " I'm not your slave, I'm playing with my friends, I'm not ready yet, why can't you do it"?
Some good points kurri, but I haven't got the strength to deal with his nonsense. He should know that it would be nice to help his mum at this time.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 29/03/2016 19:27

Dont turn it off, just change the password (easy enough to do, google your internet provider and they will give you instructions) and tell him that you will change it back once he has cooked dinner.

The selfish little sod needs a lesson in cause and effect.

BagelGoesWalking · 29/03/2016 19:29

How old is he? I don't think you've said. It's the Easter holidays, he's off school presumably so he's got no excuse. He is being rude, selfish and horrible (sorry to be blunt but I'd be boiling if my kids talked to me like that, on any occasion).

Whatever age, he's being bloody selfish. As a teenager, he's old enough to realise what it means when his mum has just had an operation. What Kurri said Smile

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/03/2016 19:30

It's 7.30 pm.

Where's the stand off at?

You need to rest and concentrate on being calm.

HermioneJeanGranger · 29/03/2016 19:30

Take the Xbox extension lead off him. Cheeky sod.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 29/03/2016 19:34

OP isn't strong enough to be taking out leads from the Xbox.

She should be resting and avoiding stress.

Her ds is a knob.

Tell him he's a twat for letting her down and save the punishment for when you're strong enough to deal with him fully.

sallyhasleftthebuilding · 29/03/2016 19:35

No punishment - next three things he asks for is NO -

No you can't have friends over No I'm not washing your jeans - no you can't have any money -

Makes them think

ClashCityRocker · 29/03/2016 19:38

Id agree with ordering a takeaway just for you.

Save your strength for getting better Flowers

Ditsy4 · 29/03/2016 19:39

Very selfish. Turn the electric off don't let on you've done it. Order take away for you or if you don't feel like eating just go to bed. Staying in bed gets the message across. Have you got a friend who could drop in to see how you are and take Hine aside and explain to him what help you will need. Sometimes it comes better from some else with teenagers. Sorry to hear you are unwell. He is being very unreasonable.

FlyRussianUnicorn · 29/03/2016 19:41

Your complaining about a situation you are creating yourself OP. If you give in to your son everytime- why on earth will he change? If I could sit here and sulk everynight and have my tea made as a consequence I most certainly would.

I'm sure you feel very unwell at the moment but my sympathy doesn't extend beyond that. You need to change your attitude if you expect your DS to change his.

twofingerstoGideon · 29/03/2016 19:42

Teenagers are selfish knobs. I wouldn't bother to argue, OP. Just phone for a takeaway - for yourself only - and ignore him. If he asks where HIS food is, tell him it's in the fridge waiting to be cooked.
I suspect a few of the posters saying they wouldn't stand for it, etc., haven't gone through the utterly draining experience of battling with a teenager day in and day out. I know they're not all like that, but a lot are and the conflict won't help OP if she's feeling like shit.

OneLove10 · 29/03/2016 19:43

Not your slave Shocksuch a shit!
Turn off the wifi and not do anything for him for a while. How selfish and he should be ashamed of himself. Not all teens are like this so he shouldn't be excused as 'just a teen'.
Order a takeaway for yourself and let him sort himself out.

LightDrizzle · 29/03/2016 19:43

Unpleasant, selfish little git. Yes to changing the wifi password and ordering yourself alone a takeaway.

Ill or well, you need a regime change in your house, lack of respect is fairly unremarkable at times with teens but his lack of care for you when you are clearly in pain post-op?

Is this unusual from him or par for the course? Don't be his slave, stop automatically taking care of him, he can pitch in to the household now. He may then realise what it takes.

Oh and next time he's really ill, ask him if he wants anything and then tell him to sort it himself because you are reading your kindle.

I hope get well soon.

Vintage45 · 29/03/2016 19:44

Just tell tell him to go and cook then. Ordering a take away is passive aggressive. Changes need to be made don't they OP. He's a product of your subservience.

MartinaJ · 29/03/2016 19:44

I don't get it. Does he have diabetes so he will go into shock when he hasn't eaten? If not, why don't you order a take-away for yourself and let him take care of himself? You are creating all the drama for yourself and he doesn't care and doesn't give a damn.

KurriKurri · 29/03/2016 19:45

I appreciate you aren't strong enough for an argument with him Ozwizard - I'm sorry if my post came over as you should be doing more - that wasn't intentional, I just feel cross on your behalf that he is being so selfish, I know how rotten and exhausted you feel after a big op.

The main thing is that you are eating and looking after yourself - forget about him he can sort himself out or not as he chooses. Can you manage to cook anything - just a stick in the oven type of thing, or a bowl of soup - something like that? Have you any family or friends nearby that could help you out - come and cook you a bit of lunch or get a bit of shopping or whatever?

Whatever you do don't feel pushed by him into doing anything you shouldn't be doing - like lifting anything or tiring yourself out - he can look after himself.

Flowers
twofingerstoGideon · 29/03/2016 19:46

Your complaining about a situation you are creating yourself OP. If you give in to your son everytime- why on earth will he change? If I could sit here and sulk everynight and have my tea made as a consequence I most certainly would.

Oh yes, every difficult teenager has been 'created' by bad parenting (usually the mother's fault of course...) Why have you jumped to the conclusion that OP gives in 'every time'. Way to make her feel even shittier than she already does.

twofingerstoGideon · 29/03/2016 19:49

Ordering a take away is passive aggressive. What's wrong with passive aggressive if you haven't got the stamina for a full-blown teenage strop?

Wheresmybippers · 29/03/2016 19:49

Yep, order your own dinner and let the lazy arse deal with himself.