To ignore my baby at 4an

[brummiesue]

My 13 month old has recently started waking up at 3/4 am then staying awake for an hour or 2 shouting out, thrashing around and generally bring noisy and disruptive.
I generally bring him in with me, feed him, change him then try and coax him back to sleep while he behaves like this in bed next to me (dh sleeps in spare room)
I'm exhausted and it becomes very frustrating when he does this every night
Aibu to feed, change then just leave him to shout it out in his cot? He's rubbish at self settling normally but I'm losing the will to live! I know I shouldn't have gotten into the habit of bringing him into bed bed but I just want the noise to stop in the night but maybe it's time to be harsher
Have posted in sleep but not as much traffic there

And in regards to people not wanting their kid in their bed- people usually sleep with their partners. Because it brings comfort and is just generally nice to have someone there. Why not extend the same courtesy and comfort to your child?

DS2 is 19mo and has never slept for longer than 3 hours. He wakes, chatters, bimbles round, plays with books/toys, shouts, gets annoyed, wallops us in the face etc. First wake is at about 10.30pm, then midnight, then about every hour, he lays back down with a gentle sshhh and goes to sleep, but then the shouting and chattering starts at about 4ish. This is all in our bedroom and DH co-sleeps with him (because i have to co-sleep with DS1 3.7yo) and just lays in bed and ignores him, eventually about an hour later he clambers back into bed and goes back to sleep. I suspect he would scream and get himself into a right state if he was in a room alone and left - as would ds1 :(

It's hideous. We are moving soon so he will have his own bedroom and i am expecting another baby. We are currently deciding what we should do. So i am reading this thread with interest.

He can't come to any harm in his cot. Ignore him unless he becomes very distressed. A few nights and he'll learn to self settle.

Babies don't learn to self settle. They learn to give up because no one is coming. I'd never want my child to feel that way.

Bollocks, lots of babies self settle fine.

I wouldnt ignore and i wouldnt feed especially if he has given up night feeds it just gets him back into that routine and he will keep doing it. i would only change him if he needs changing. What worked for me was quietly laying my daughter back down tucking her in and whispering that she was ok and it was still sleepy time it would continue for quite some time but now if she wakes in the middle of the night shes back to sleep within 10 mins

'Babies don't learn to self-settle' says who?!
Newborns not usually. 13 month old babies can.
Both mine have learnt to self settle well before 13 months.

Some kids just sleep and are fine. But the ones who are crying shouldn't be left to continue.

Some can, some can't.

Dd1 couldn't for years
Dd2 could really early
Ds.....not a chance!

They all still came into our bed for a cuddle sometimes though!

There is a difference between crying and shouting/grizzling at that age though. If the OP has met the needs of the baby through a feed and a cuddle and checked temperature then the baby is just shouting because he wants to get up and hang out. At 4am. If op doesn't want to be getting up at that time for at least the near future then I can't see why meeting his needs then leaving him to settle himself is such a big deal. We are all different though- the op should do whatever she is comfortable with.

don't ignore him but don't feed and don't change him either. just cuddle up and calm him down.

its the issue guaranteed to divide on MN. if you CC then you are somehow seen as a cruel and unnatural parent who is happy to let your LO cry for hours and hours on end. this isn't how CC works and it does work if you do it consistently.

the idea that if you don't co-sleep you are somehow neglecting your childs emotional needs is wrong. I chose never to co-sleep. when I read posts like MrsKoalas I do wonder how you manage with 3 kids none of whom will sleep on their own, all waking at different times. that just sounds chaotic and unworkable. I also was not prepared as an adult with a full time job to turn up and not be able to work because I was so exhausted or be snippy with the DC because I was tired or wander zombie like round the house taking hours to do a simple task. it has to be a balance. if you are happy not getting a full nights sleep or sharing your bed with your DC then that's fine. its a parenting choice. but so is CC, its also a choice. my parenting choice was to use CC. that does not mean that my child howled for hours on end.

OP your child has got into a habit. a bit like you waking up at 6.30 on the weekend because that is when the alarm goes off during the week. if your child is warm, not dirty and not screaming/being sick, then I would settle and return to bed. teaching them to sleep is like anything else you teach them to do. you don't rush over every time they stumble when learning to walk but you wouldn't stand by and watch them screaming if they hurt themselves. good luck with whatever you decide. I hope you sort out something that works for your family.