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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my baby at 4an

87 replies

brummiesue · 29/03/2016 05:16

My 13 month old has recently started waking up at 3/4 am then staying awake for an hour or 2 shouting out, thrashing around and generally bring noisy and disruptive.
I generally bring him in with me, feed him, change him then try and coax him back to sleep while he behaves like this in bed next to me (dh sleeps in spare room)
I'm exhausted and it becomes very frustrating when he does this every night
Aibu to feed, change then just leave him to shout it out in his cot? He's rubbish at self settling normally but I'm losing the will to live! I know I shouldn't have gotten into the habit of bringing him into bed bed but I just want the noise to stop in the night but maybe it's time to be harsher
Have posted in sleep but not as much traffic thereSmile

OP posts:
Branleuse · 29/03/2016 09:27

i think you can tell the difference between being distressed, or just awake and bored.

Its important to respond to your babys needs, but its also important that you get sleep yourself. Mothers sleep isnt taken seriously enough and we have a crisis of PND. you need to find whatever balance works for you

Topseyt · 29/03/2016 09:31

Yes NoCapes, on occasion I did, having ascertained nothing was wrong.

It worked. I am not bothered what you think. Report me to SS if you like but I think my happy and healthy DDs aged 20, 17 and 13 will mean that would be a fruitless exercise.

Not saying my way was the only way, but it was my way and worked for us.

UmbongoUnchained · 29/03/2016 09:43

I still can't believe a PP night weaned their baby at 7 months Confused

puglife15 · 29/03/2016 09:57

*UmbongoUnchained

I still can't believe a PP night weaned their baby at 7 months*

Really? Isn't that what Gina Ford suggests?

UmbongoUnchained · 29/03/2016 09:59

pug

Who's Gina Ford?

CottonSock · 29/03/2016 10:08

Was always going to split opinion....
I'm more towards the check and ignore camp, no way would she be getting cuddles in my bed as that's not a route I wanted to take.

Maybe I would check nappy, offer water. I also had a night heater in her room on timer and gave my teddy which sometimes worked well if she was having dreamsome.

Your choice at the end of the day op, there is no right or wrong.

ZenNudist · 29/03/2016 10:12

Another vote for ignore. I woukd only change him if he had pooped which is less likely at this age in the night. I'm all for feeding at this age (is he bf?) . I don't really see what choice I would have had in your shoes. Mine wouldn't come into my bed at that age but a bf was welcome. I found that would usually settle them off. Otherwise it was leave em to holler if they weren't upset. Not that I'd get any sleep. But at least it's not forming bad habits.

FarrowandBallAche · 29/03/2016 10:15

At 13 months old he does not need feeding in the night. He only needs a nappy change if he has done a poo.

Ignore him. He's got you trained to go in and feed him and take him into your bed.

MigGril · 29/03/2016 12:24

I have to share this video is really good. Remember your baby is only one month older then the babies in this study. www.itv.com/news/wales/2016-03-18/should-babies-really-sleep-through-the-night/

And I do think they can be hungry to I know both mine where at this age they would wake and want a full feed. Both bf, both sides not just a short feed. So those saying they can't be hungry I think it really depends on the individual baby. Some can be night weaned at this age but it didn't work for us till later.

MattDillonsPants · 29/03/2016 12:31

The thing is MigGrill, I have no doubt that study was carefully conducted and that it was useful to the researchers in some way, but when you have to get up at 6.30am 5 days a week to go to work and can't stand another broken night...well...it doesn't matter anymore does it?

And as for the slightly snide comment at the end of that article about formula feeding...well that made me think bollocks to them anyway!

The comment is below.

There is a common belief that formula milk or giving more solid foods will help your baby sleep better and this study shows this isn’t true.

We did find that mothers who were breastfeeding fed their baby more at night but this could be because breastfeeding is a simple way to get your baby back to sleep quickly!

The babies who were formula fed still woke up, they just weren’t fed.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 29/03/2016 12:35

YABVU. He needs you, whether it is 'just' for comfort or not.

Being a parent isn't just for when it is convenient.

It's completely normal for him to be waking at this time, at that age.

SalemSaberhagen · 29/03/2016 12:36

Shouting shut up at a baby is horrible Topsey.

PegsPigs · 29/03/2016 12:52

My 9 month old wakes up at 5.45 but I don't get her up till 6.30am. If she cries I go in but if she just shouts, play shrieks (practicing her voice rather than distress), bangs on the cot bars, rolls around and generally pisses about I leave her to it. Fortunately my 3 year old is a heavy sleeper.

If he's not crying just leave him. He'll get bored and go back to sleep. If he cries he probably doesn't need a feed but may want one. I haven't changed my DD2 in the middle of the night since she was about 5 months old. Obviously if his nappy is dirty change it but otherwise minimum intervention and minimum fuss. Hey, if you got a feed and a cuddle in mummy's bed when you woke up in the middle of the night wouldn't you keep doing it?

LunaDott · 29/03/2016 13:03

'but when they did, having ascertained first that nothing appeared to be wrong, I ignored them. If they persisted then I would go in and tell them VERY sharply that it was NOT time to get up, so SHUT UP and go back to sleep.'

Seriously? To small babies who are apparently now well adjusted...

LunaDott · 29/03/2016 13:15

'He's got you trained to go in and feed him and take him into your bed.'

What a manipulative little baby...I'm actually shocked by some of the opinions on this thread

NoCapes · 29/03/2016 13:22

Topsey you sound awful
Really really horrible

SalemSaberhagen · 29/03/2016 13:29

Yeah Luna, fucking babies. Wanting cuddles and comfort. Little bastards.

All of these people who say at that age they don't need feeding, I'm assuming you never ever wake up feeling peckish, thirsty or wanting a cuddle from your partner.

Topseyt · 29/03/2016 13:29

Depends entirely on the children and the situation concerned, Salem. I am not a perfect parent, and even less so in the small hours. I don't go for physical punishment, but I do do whatever else may be necessary to get my point across.

I remember one holiday when DD2 and DD3 were aged 4 and just over 1 respectively. Both woke everyone up at 4 am squabbling loudly over the same toy. DD3 had thrown it at DD2 and DD2 had decided to keep it and taunt her with it. Said toy was confiscated by me and they were both left in no doubt that I did not want to hear another peep until we were all good and ready. I have no doubt that both knew exactly what they were doing at the time.

You don't know me, you don't know my children, although I am sure you now pity them as some on here so like to do. You are welcome to do that if you wish.

Topseyt · 29/03/2016 13:31

Oh Capes, I am terrible, I do assure you. Worst mum in the world.

My DDs don't agree though.

SalemSaberhagen · 29/03/2016 13:33

I don't pity them. I just think it's shitty parenting.

CheshireChat · 29/03/2016 13:36

Well, if he's not distressed, I'd leave him, in fact I do leave my 15 month old in that case. Not all babies are willing to CO sleep (DS refuses even though his dad would love it) and in any case DS gets annoyed that we've interrupted his play session and then starts crying!
If crying, I'd rule out cold by using thicker pijamas or putting the heating on higher and thirst. Otherwise if genuinely upset I just sit down next to his cot gently shushing and then sneak out as DS won't fall asleep with me there.
I don't really pick him up because I have a bad back and I believe it sends a mixed message.
Oh, and I use a humidifier that also works as a night light to which I add a few drops of eucalyptus oil which prevents his nose from getting blocked.

Topseyt · 29/03/2016 13:36

Well, they are happy at uni and at home and we are very close. Shitty parenting or not.

CheshireChat · 29/03/2016 13:41

Oh my, this thread is turning vicious.
If your DS isn't a "I refuse milk that isn't coming out from a boob type' I would keep offering milk as he might need a top up due to a growth spurt.

SaggingTits · 29/03/2016 13:42

I never let my ds cry it out because he 'needed me'. He is 3 now and still wakes to get in bed with me. My advice would be do it now, it will only get harder the older he gets.

HodgePodge23 · 29/03/2016 13:54

I'd never leave a baby to cry. If they are crying then there is a reason, whether you can figure it out or not. I wouldn't leave my partner, mum or anyone else to cry just because it's an inconvenience to me so why do people think it's fine to do to a baby?

If anything it's worse to leave a baby because they don't yet have the tools to calm themselves. Babies are people too.

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