My baby, MIL and a pea

[ParisGellar]

Alright I admit already I may be being a bit precious here and U, but here goes.

Yesterday the family all went for Easter lunch. My ds is 10 months. He has been unwell this week, gagging and choking on food to the point of vomiting. The doctor recommended putting him on completely puréed food until it settles so I have done this. MIL knows this. However when I was out of sight she put a pea in his mouth. My dm had hold of him and panicked about the pea, as she knows all about the gagging, and took him to my dh and told him there was a pea in his mouth, and asked if he wanted to remove it. DH panicked too and hooked the pea out of DS' mouth. He was fine!

I don't normally give him peas anyway. I would usually mash them a bit first rather than give them whole. At the moment though since he's unwell I definitely wouldn't give him harder food like this. The day before, at a different family party, other relatives were popping food like this into another baby's mouth and she was eating it. My DS isn't fed like that (TW not BLW) and my side of the family wouldn't consider putting food in the baby's mouth without asking or telling me.

Aibu to be annoyed with her? She knows he's choking and gagging on complete mush and she gave him a small hard pea. And she waited til I had left the room.

I suspect I'm a bit U.

Totally agree with MrsDV and others. Both DC had severe reflux. DC1 started off enjoying food but over time, every single time she gagged or vomited, she then refused to touch that food again. By the time she was 3, the consultant at GOSH was saying that if all she would eat was white bread and cheese and broccoli, then we should be grateful that her restricted diet was at least balanced as it could have been worse. 3.5 years on, she'll eat more things (started eating sauce for the first time 2 months ago - major triumph!) but it's been and continues to be a slow journey, and she still gags/vomits on food on occasion, especially new ones. Shoving food in her mouth would NOT have helped.

However, I think the OP's problem with her MIL is bigger than a single pea...

(I'm not bashing MILs, btw, I'm very grateful for mine! But she wouldn't think of doing anything so stupid...)

My mil rearranged my entire flat when me and DH were on honeymoon too
It doesnt get any better unless you and DH are a united force against evil

lavender please tell us more about your ex-mil cancelling your honeymoon. That is truly bonkers!

Op, your mum sounds lovely. Your mil sounds challenging

Oh, and who was the random bridesmaid? And how did she feel about being parachuted in?

TheWerneth, what a fucking ridiculous thing to say. What has that to do with anything? Aren't you getting any?

Coco, I wonder what possesses these people to do things like this!

My PIL were like this, refused to stop rebelling against me about important safety issues (just the basics), I now don't see them and they only see my DS fully supervised with my DH and don't do any of the looking after of my DS. They refused to follow my requests and became very aggressive, how dare I question them etc etc. I think you and your DH need to explain to mil that if she wont respect your parenting then she will not see your child unsupervised and that she will ruin her relationship with you and your DH, not to mention be putting your child at risk. Good luck, this stuff is really cra#.

I have a bonkers MIL. However, in your circumstances, I'd gloss over the pea incident and just pick my battles. However you couch it, you're going to make it easy for her to make you look unreasonable...

"I gave him a single pea to eat Joan. A pea Joan. And she went mad. A pea!" Etc.

Honestly, I fear with your MIL there will be bigger fish to fry.

So you were given DR's advice to give him puréed food, she then goes and puts a pea in his mouth....and your DH didn't want to tell you .

In your position I would torn my DH's a new one; cause he'd rather go against DR's advice (which he agreed with), just so he didn't upset mummykins...

You have a DH problem here and he now needs to pull up his big boy pants and assert himself.

Leanne, she can put it: 'He is my child and I ask that you don't feed him things when I've expressly told you not to.'

If she's just going to look unreasonable then she might as well say what she wants, really.

PS 'A pea Joan' really made me laugh. I can picture Joan.

'A pea Joan' has just nearly made my newly sensitive pelvic floor fail in its line of duty.

Paris - not ridiculous at all. My first husband was unable/unwilling to deal with his mother, it impacted on our relationship - we divorced. His new wife was more accommodating than me, he told our children not to go and see him anymore as it upset her. MIL was delighted with this as she could boss new wife.

"a pea Joan" needs to be the title of a on-going MN thread about these types of MILs/mothers

seriously though, that one (brilliant, hilarious) sentance does sum up what these kinds of women do… deliberate things to undermine/upset you that are still subtle enough that if you call them out on it you look ridiculous/petty/mentally unstable

She loves a good mind game my MIL.

'A pea Joan' is wonderful still funny