My baby, MIL and a pea

[ParisGellar]

Alright I admit already I may be being a bit precious here and U, but here goes.

Yesterday the family all went for Easter lunch. My ds is 10 months. He has been unwell this week, gagging and choking on food to the point of vomiting. The doctor recommended putting him on completely puréed food until it settles so I have done this. MIL knows this. However when I was out of sight she put a pea in his mouth. My dm had hold of him and panicked about the pea, as she knows all about the gagging, and took him to my dh and told him there was a pea in his mouth, and asked if he wanted to remove it. DH panicked too and hooked the pea out of DS' mouth. He was fine!

I don't normally give him peas anyway. I would usually mash them a bit first rather than give them whole. At the moment though since he's unwell I definitely wouldn't give him harder food like this. The day before, at a different family party, other relatives were popping food like this into another baby's mouth and she was eating it. My DS isn't fed like that (TW not BLW) and my side of the family wouldn't consider putting food in the baby's mouth without asking or telling me.

Aibu to be annoyed with her? She knows he's choking and gagging on complete mush and she gave him a small hard pea. And she waited til I had left the room.

I suspect I'm a bit U.

My MIL used to give mine food before I had weaned them. She seemed to think that if I did something which was different to how she raised her children, I was doing it wrong and loved to try and prove it at every opportunity.
For example, 'He's reaching out for my icecream, now he's eating it! You need to start him on solids. Mine were eating at 3 months'.

It's very difficult.

Just reminded me of a friends mil that gave her DC a chip when she was about four or five months old and hadn't even weaned yet. My friend was completely outraged by it! Because the MIL had taken away a 'first' really, the first try of solid food.

Anywaaaay. I never even thought to give mine peas tbh, they just scream choking hazard. I always mushed blueberries in with other stuff as well. Your mil was undermining you completely, DH needs to stand the fuck up to her.

YANBU - agree with PP MIL is a cunt.

10 miles isn't far enough, no. I moved over 200 miles to get away from mine after she rearranged my cutlery drawers

Don't give her a key to the new house, and explain to DH that he needs to be far more wary of upsetting you than of upsetting his mummy.

Minimise contact with her - let DH answer phone calls. Let him visit alone ( without DC) she won't change.

Lavender, your x mil sounds like the worst kind of twat. And your xh. You're well rid!

What is the deal with mils? She was okay til me and dh were engaged, and then it all went downhill. It's been awful since ds came. I can't understand it really. I'm delightful .

Definitely agree. I'll be minimising contact, and ive had a word with dh. He said he will speak to her about what has now become known as 'pea gate' and he will tell her not to put food in ds' mouth. Because WE don't want her to. I've told him he's to be definite about who's side he's on!

I don't know of a single, justified reason that a GP would tell an otherwise healthy family to feed their baby only mush.

Amazing how many random people on the internet know better than your GP.

Rumble I did think this too, although what he's fed atm is fully irrelevant to the thread! The idea was to help him swallow better because it's obviously agitating him somehow to swallow at the moment. Mrsdevere has it - the last thing I need is for him to start avoiding food.

I agree, very soft food will encourage your ds to eat and not associate eating with choking/ gagging. Common sense surely? And slowly go back to solids.

Who puts food in a child's mouth anyway? Let the child investigate and sort it out. They play with food and crush it, try it- let them!:)

I would NEVER put food in a baby's mouth, solid or spoon! Just don't do it. Put the real food down on a plate. If they don't eat it, they aren't ready. Don't spoon feed.

Had I known more/anything about blw before ds turned 6m, I might've agreed runner. But at the moment he is spoon fed with some finger foods as well, although not this last week or so as per doctor's orders.

Doctors know shit about BLW.

Not a thing at all Dixie. A 10 month old can and should be able to regress, until he is 12-18 months. Totally normal and no reason for a GP visit.

Your MIL was unreasonable for going against what you had said to do. We did BLW with my DD and a few times I had to get DP to pull up SIL and FIL as they were popping food in her mouth and didn't get that she was able to feed herself.
Peas aren't a choking hazard if the baby had picked it up and put it in their own mouth as they're soft and baby can manage it.

Omg please do that

oh god yes! Something her doctor has told her to avoid

Your husband is going to "speak" to his mother, yeah right. Time to definitely put your foot down and minimise contact .

On another note - having sex with a "simpering idiot" must be very exciting, not, cut those apron strings for him.

My reaction is the same to gagging the as it is to choking. How is that statement actually helpful?

Because when a child is actually choking you have to do things that could hurt them to stop them DYING. When they are gagging you don't.
Of course its fucking helpful to point out the difference. If you can't tell the difference between the two you are a danger to any child you are feeding.