My baby, MIL and a pea

[ParisGellar]

Alright I admit already I may be being a bit precious here and U, but here goes.

Yesterday the family all went for Easter lunch. My ds is 10 months. He has been unwell this week, gagging and choking on food to the point of vomiting. The doctor recommended putting him on completely puréed food until it settles so I have done this. MIL knows this. However when I was out of sight she put a pea in his mouth. My dm had hold of him and panicked about the pea, as she knows all about the gagging, and took him to my dh and told him there was a pea in his mouth, and asked if he wanted to remove it. DH panicked too and hooked the pea out of DS' mouth. He was fine!

I don't normally give him peas anyway. I would usually mash them a bit first rather than give them whole. At the moment though since he's unwell I definitely wouldn't give him harder food like this. The day before, at a different family party, other relatives were popping food like this into another baby's mouth and she was eating it. My DS isn't fed like that (TW not BLW) and my side of the family wouldn't consider putting food in the baby's mouth without asking or telling me.

Aibu to be annoyed with her? She knows he's choking and gagging on complete mush and she gave him a small hard pea. And she waited til I had left the room.

I suspect I'm a bit U.

Omg she rearranged your house?? Ok so she fed him it on purpose to undermine you by the looks of it and in that case I would be furious.

Move far

How do I do the barrel thing?

How do I get dh to man up??

Is 10 miles enough do you think?

No Paris 30 miles would be better. Poor you. No idea I would just phone a locksmith for that kind of thing try looking it up on YouTube.

Oh and tell your husband that you understand he loves your mother and doesn't want to cause an issue but that you will not put up with X, y or z in the future and he'd better start considering your feelings as much as he does his mother's.

His mother *

A quick youtube, a screwdriver and quick trip to one of those lovely DIY barns... 5 minutes later you will be DM proof... and can tell the people moving in that you have done so, so they will know there are no more keys knocking around.

Use your move as the catalyst for change. Lots of things will have to be different, reclaiming your space, your nuclear family, can be the one that you enjoy most

Sorry, DMIL proof... unless you get DH to do the work as penance

Changing the barrel on a lock is really easy. Unscrew, take out old one, pop new one in and screw closed. If DH is home, take the old one with you to B&Q and find a lovely assistant to show you what to buy. I'm sure there must be loads of You Tube videos.

We've moved 150mi away

I think everyone was a bit OTT to panic about a cooked pea

HOWEVER the MIL was BU the most because she was clearly "testing" the OP (o prove her wrong about the puree thing presumably) which is rotten behaviour

If it was me I would think the baby would be fine with a few peas, but I would never ever "test" or challenge the parents by popping one in!

Did you ever aee the episode of Everybody loves raymond when Raymond and debra were deciding where to live? Youre in the hot zone.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Vltq8wwWhA4

MiL is out of order and I am speaking as a MiL

Definetly change the locks... Or when you move it will be

When will I get my key every five seconds

I loved that episode Calleigh we are in the they have to stay over zone but it's preferable I think :)

Ha I watched that episode very recently!

Thanks for all the reassurance that she's a twat and it's not just me. She also would not Speak to me on the wedding day. I always knew she didn't like me!

my mum didnt speak to me on mine paris so we are in a crazy parent club. Membership numbers are huge! She gave me a box of old, new, borrowed, blue on the thursday. I asked if the sixpence was old, borrowed or the sixpence, as i was going through the box excitedly. She screamed that i was ungrateful, snatched it off me saying im selfish and dont deserve anything, and that was it for the weekend. Wedding was on a saturday. She didnt attend rehersal on the friday, showed up at my house on sat am to go to chuch with the bridesmaids but didnt utter a word or even acknowledge me. Photographer could not believe it. Some people are just ridiculous in their own narcissism.

. I've done it many times and it's easy.

Wow calleigh that's something else!! Some people are so self important.

Thanks mrst, I'll have a look!

You really must encourage your dh to put his family first. His family are you and your ds. He may feel his parents are still his immediate family and his DM is the matriarch. Say " name everyone in your family" for a simple test.

I'm divorced now and in no little part is that due to ex dh putting his DM first, such as when she redecorated our house including new soft furnishings when we were on hols and sent us pics. DC were inconsolable at the bedroom changes. Ex dh was as furious as me until he spoke to her, she cried, and then he posted all over FB how marvellous it was. Also said it looked better ( I'd just redecorated) and she was trying to be nice. Knowing full well it wasn't that at all.

Interestingly, ds didn't like broccoli. Ex mil was forever trying to make him eat it, despite my asking her not to -and if he even swallowed a tiny bit due to fucking hunger she would say " look, he does like it, he will do that for me! " ( big smile at me) she also wanted to be called mummy and has succeeded in her quest to be called mummy with the other GC.

At my wedding she organised a bridesmaid I didn't want or know about until I was actually AT the altar, came to the hairdressers before hand and tried to change my hair much to the bemusement of the hairdresser who ignored her with aplomb.

She also cancelled my honeymoon which ex dh didn't dare tell me about til after the wedding. She thought it better we spent it at her house. Fuck- I should have run like the wind.

Change the locks, don't spend every Sunday at her house, and make sure you have family time ( ie you and dh and ds) and also, you ( and your dh) don't need to tell them every little detail of your life and decisions. Pea related or not:)

'Choking and gagging are not the same thing'

In the actual moment, I heartily beg to differ.

My reaction is the same to gagging the as it is to choking. How is that statement actually helpful?

A cooked pea was fine
I think everyone was a bit OTT to panic about a cooked pea

No they are not fine. I ended up having the Heimlich manoeuvre performed on me because a pea was lodged in my windpipe. After some hard back slaps hadn't worked. It's very scary when you're choking so bad, I was really frightened and I'm an adult.

How bad would it have been for a small child to go through that?

It sounds from the OP that the sequence of events happened fast enough that I guess the baby hadn't properly registered the pea in his mouth, but really the MIL could have been responsible for considerable harm.

Christ here we go again!

I feel.for your op, don't know where all these crazy mils are coming from this week on here.

My DD is five months and ive chosen to start blw here at six months, mil cant except this, says I'm cruel for not giving her anything to eat (dd is ebf). So she goes behind my back and tries to put food in her mouth (I don't like this either as it goes against blw).

So I put my foot down myself. Don't wait for your dh to do anything, you cant rely on him. If his mother is doing something you don't like, take ds away from her and calm yourself down. I do that with mil all the time.

And get that fucking key off her!!