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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re: DH taking DC's Easter eggs to work

93 replies

VeganCanBeFabulous · 28/03/2016 08:40

I just want to check that I'm not completely overreacting. I have two DCs aged almost 3 and 5. Yesterday DH and I did a little Easter egg hunt for them in the garden.

Their haul was 5 creme egg sized eggs each of various types. DD tried two of hers and wasn't keen. DS hasn't tried any of his as he had eaten a fair bit of chocolate given to him by my Mum and I told him he had had enough and could try his another day.

DH has taken it upon himself to take the remaining 8 eggs to work with him today to give out to his colleagues! DS came downstairs this morning and immediately asked where his eggs were (he didn't want to eat them at this point, just to look at his treasures the way kids do!)

I rang DH and he explained what he had done. His defence was that DD hadn't liked the eggs she tried so he thought he'd get them out of the house to stop temptation for us (we are both trying to lose weight at the moment)! Also I am vegan so don't eat milk chocolate so it's a mute point for me! I asked him if he had asked the children if he could take them? He said no. I said that I thought to take the children's eggs without even asking them was terrible and a really disrespectful thing to do - the eggs belong to the kids not him! I said that even if they didn't like them he should have asked them before he took them to give out to people the kids don't even know. DS hadn't even tried any of his eggs! I said that the decision for what to do with them if they didn't like them should have come from them! I asked him if he would do the same with their Christmas presents and he thinks I am being completely unreasonable and overreacting. So AIBU?

OP posts:

Buzzardbird · 28/03/2016 11:23

He is teaching them that it is ok to take things that belong to other people...can you see where that will lead?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 28/03/2016 11:26

They usually sell cadbury's creme eggs all year though so you can always replace them. Make sure he knows his actions cost him money!

No they don't!

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 28/03/2016 11:29

Not really. I wouldn't give a flying fig if someone ate my chocolate or took it to work

Then you're very unusual amongst adults and even more unusual amongst children

That's where I am coming from. Kids are people. But with so much chocolate about at Easter, my kids would care either

Not all kids swim in chocolate over Easter. These kids had 5 small eggs each. That's not 'so much' chocolate, that's all their chocolate.

curren · 28/03/2016 11:34

vince my kids aren't swimming in chocolate. They got one egg off us one off my parents. Still wouldn't care.

Also the op clearly said DS hasn't tried any of his as he had eaten a fair bit of chocolate given to him by my Mum and I told him he had had enough and could try his another day.

So I don't know where you got the theory their dad stole the chocolate only children they got.

curren · 28/03/2016 11:36

It's completely irrelevant if YOU wouldn't care. It's not your place to decide if someone else should care

MY opinion is that this wouldn't bother me or my children. Or can I not have an opinion because it's different.

I said in my first post he shouldn't have done it, if he knew his kids would be bothered. But in my family it wouldn't be an issue.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 28/03/2016 11:39

Yanbu. It's stealing.

MrsKCastle · 28/03/2016 11:53

Yanbu, OP. It's disrespectful and it's teaching the kids a really bad lesson. It says to them 'if you want an object more than you think its owner does, it's ok to help yourself without asking.'

Hallelujahheisrisen · 28/03/2016 12:08

I would hate anyone doiung that . My Da used to throw away our stuff without asking. It is reallly upsetting. I have difficulty in getting rid of anythingnow and trouble sharing. I learned to hide stuff and lie about stuff I had.

You do not take stuff that does not belong to you.

corythatwas · 28/03/2016 12:16

It doesn't really matter if the children got upset or not: what it is teaching them is that it is ok to be cavalier about other people's property.

This will not go down well if they take something home from a playdate at a friend's house ('X said he was bored with Star Wars so he doesn't need this toy"). Or help themselves to little friend's mum's perfume ("she has bottles and bottles of it").

As parents we model good behaviour and respect. They are not growing up in some kind of utopian society where property doesn't matter; here it jolly well does, how you handle other people's possessions is a major signifier of respect and they have to learn how to handle that.

Another thing that is expected of children growing up in this society is the ability to make up their own minds and know what they like and do not like. This is an ongoing process; again, we have to teach them how to deal with this. Deciding that the ds is not going to like something he has been given because his sister doesn't suggests an attitude that might not be terribly helpful here.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 28/03/2016 12:48

Has he got anything that he likes that you could give away op, maybe he'd get the point then!

banche S'not you, it's them! Dh is still wrapped up in FOG as we live in the same, small town. Bloody nightmare, you have to do stealth maneuvers just to get round the local co op!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 28/03/2016 13:22

'Removing temptation' when you are both dieting but you don't eat milk chocolate anyway, hmm.

Seeing you mention the PILs are visiting today, wonder if your FIL has an opinion on children + confectionery or does DH think PILs are bringing goodies so did a quick chocolate grab so that there's nothing around the home to compete with their largesse.

alltouchedout · 28/03/2016 13:25

I'd expect him to replace them and apologise.

Kpo58 · 28/03/2016 13:38

I wonder what your DH reaction would be, if you caught your DS sharing out the contents among his friends, of a pencil case that he stole from school.

From his point of view, your DH has just taught him that its fine to steal other peoples stuff as long as you share what you have taken with your friends (not that I expect your DS to do this).

LogicalThinking · 28/03/2016 14:45

I said in my first post he shouldn't have done it, if he knew his kids would be bothered.
No, he shouldn't have done it full stop because he didn't ask.
It doesn't matter if he knew his kids wouldn't mind, it's a matter of respect. You don't take someone else's possessions without checking with them first.
When my sister was looking to buy a toy that my son owned that he hadn't touched in years, I knew he would be happy to rehome it, but I asked him first. It would have been incredibly disrespectful to just take it.
Even when I put an old washing machine out by the rubbish, someone knocked on the door to ask it they could take it - it's a simple matter of courtesy.
You teach your children these values by the way you treat them.

FatimaLovesBread · 29/03/2016 14:16

Did your husband bring the chocolate back op?

Original poster

VeganCanBeFabulous · 29/03/2016 20:57

He did bring it back Fatima and having had the day to think he is very contrite. He has put the eggs back in the bowl and they will be there when they get up in the morning (he arrived home after they went to bed).

OP posts:

FrancesNiadova · 29/03/2016 21:10

So relieved Vegan as Blanche has described, adults taking your things as a child, without your say-so, can leave you feeling hurt, irrelevant and resentful.
for you both -xx-

kittybiscuits · 30/03/2016 06:37

How are you feeling towards him now vegan?

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