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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partners daughter

74 replies

MCDL · 25/03/2016 22:59

Hi. My partners daughter who is 24 has been living with us for the past 3 months after returning from a year n Vietnam and previous to that 4 years abroad studying returning only briefly for holidays. Her self entitlement and her expectations of my role within the household has me gob smacked. We have a 9 year old child her little sister who she has made little to no effort with. I wash her laundry, prepare and serve her all meals. She refuses to contribute anything to the household. My partner will not speak to her. Says I must suck it up. HELP. Any advice please.

OP posts:

RudeElf · 25/03/2016 23:01

Well firstly stop doing her laundry and meals and secondly your partner needs to give his head a wobble! How dare he tell you to suck it up! why should you?

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 25/03/2016 23:01

Go on strike for both him and his daughter.

LaurieFairyCake · 25/03/2016 23:02

Well don't then. Why are people telling you what to do? Just stop.

Cook the food if you're cooking for everyone but don't do her laundry.

She's also quite unlikely to be interested in a 9 year old of she's not really seen her for 5 years

MillionToOneChances · 25/03/2016 23:03

Why does he think you should wait on his daughter and suck it up? Are you expected to do the same for him?

Birthgeek · 25/03/2016 23:03

The issue is with your partner. Does he pull his weight?

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2016 23:04

She doesn't get to refuse to contribute to the household she's living in.

Your partner doesn't get to tell you, you must suck it up.

You need to stop doing things for her and if she has a problem with that, tell her to ask her Dad to do it all for her, then tell him to suck it up.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 25/03/2016 23:04

I agree with Captain, I wouldn't be doing anything for either of them.

Arfarfanarf · 25/03/2016 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catvsworld · 25/03/2016 23:08

She is a adult however when you move in with someone who has children you do have to expect that they may need or want to live with you at any given point in there life and with house prices the way they are one is lucky to be rid of a adult child by 30 these days

It is interesting you call her your partners daughter and not your step daughter if you have no real and close relationship with her I wonder why you would expect her to have one with her sister I have a 3 and 16 year old they are fond of rather other but have nothing in common and have more of a uncle and niece type relationship

Your main issue is that your step daughter is taking liberty is that coloured by the fact you don't have any real feeling for her because tbh your do more for your step daughter than I do for my 16 year old son

You doing these things expecting thanks and are clearly up set she treating you as a maid then stop acting as one

You are enabling her behaviour I don't was my sons cloths he's been doing his own washing since he was 10 and I only cook for my son if I am in and cooking for eveyone elese if I am not in he gets his own tea or eats pot noodle

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 25/03/2016 23:11

No you don't have to suck anything up in this life. She's 24. She's not 14. At that age my own mum was not doing laundry for me. Once I was of a certain age. I was big enough and ugly enough to see to myself.
I'm astounded how entitled some people can be. Is she some sort of Princess.
It wouldn't be so bad. If you were running around after her like a blue arsed fly, and she was grateful, but to not even get a , oh what's that word, (scatches head). Ah, that's it...Thank you
. I'm not surprised your peeved.

Original poster

MCDL · 25/03/2016 23:14

My thoughts exactly. No partner does not pull his weight but works. I also work part time . Daughter got a job last week n Dublin so the day after she got it. I asked her if she was to continue coming at weekends I expected she pull her weight and let us know when she was coming and if so was her boyfriend also coming . I have been serving him on occasion also. With that she packed up all her gear and headed off. Saying never to return or want to see me again. Partner and her aunt have given me such stick over it , it's quite hard to believe.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 25/03/2016 23:17

No partner does not pull his weight but works

What does 'but works' have to do with anything?

I presume he still has to eat food, wear clean clothes and live in a tidy house even though he works?

Working for a living is something we expect most human beings to do. It doesn't mean they get to be waited on hand and foot for it.

Original poster

MCDL · 25/03/2016 23:19

Catvsworld. I wouldn't call her my step daughter as I suppose I saw her as an adult and an equal.

OP posts:

LogicalThinking · 25/03/2016 23:20

Why are you doing her laundry and making all her meals?

Original poster

MCDL · 25/03/2016 23:21

Yes. I have been treated quite the doormat and am shocked that I was expected to do it by them both.

OP posts:

GooseberryRoolz · 25/03/2016 23:22

I wash her laundry, prepare and serve her all meals. She refuses to contribute anything to the household

How did you get into that situation with a 24 year old?!

I don't prepare all meals for my 18 year old and I don't do the bulk of his laundry either, just a bit of ironing.

RudeElf · 25/03/2016 23:23

I work two jobs. I still have to feed myself and wash my clothing! I am so sick of hearing about people who opt out of their own basic maintenance because they spend some hours collecting money in return for their presence elsewhere! Collecting a wage does mean you cease to feed and wash yourself! Those are all on you! Those needs will exist whether you are single or in a relationship. Your step daughter is spoiled and so is your partner. Stop spoiling them.

RudeElf · 25/03/2016 23:24

am shocked that I was expected to do it by them both

But why did you do it?

GooseberryRoolz · 25/03/2016 23:25

You can't be treated like a doormat unless you lie on the floor and let people step on you OP.

Original poster

MCDL · 25/03/2016 23:25

I suppose I was doing her laundry as was doing ours anyway. I was preparing meals for her also as I was doing it anyway and hadn't the heart not to include her. Her mother lives nearby . They haven't spoken for years . She has a drink problem.

OP posts:

GooseberryRoolz · 25/03/2016 23:26

Give her a quick tutorial on the washing machine and let her get on with it.

RudeElf · 25/03/2016 23:29

This is an adult who has been taking care of herself for the last 5 years. She cant possibly object to continuing to do that just because she shares a home with her parent again. Next time she is there (if she comes back to stay) make yourself busy for the day and say "X can you sort dinner for us tonight as i'm doing A,B and C. Thanks, see you later"

My DC are 10 and 6 and can both (under my supervision) throw a dinner together for us. I literally will say "DS can you do dinner, i'm doing X" and they just do it.

Original poster

MCDL · 25/03/2016 23:30

I did it but not anymore. I am shocked 24 year old expected it from me and worse partner expected it of me and refused to talk to her. It's left a huge strain that I am not easily getting over.

OP posts:

RudeElf · 25/03/2016 23:32

Word of advice OP, start now on teaching your own child how to do all this stuff. Or by the sounds of it your partner will happily raise another spoilet brat.

Original poster

MCDL · 25/03/2016 23:34

Yes gooseberry . I did exactly that. Lay on the ................ I am not a walk over or weak person.

OP posts:

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