To feel judged and to ask for a bit of compassion

[Dollymixtureyumyum]

I piss a lot of people off
I have epilespy so I am one of those annoying adults that does not drive that apparently must be annoying people by begging for a lift. (Never do this by the way but a lot of my friends offer knowing my situation)
I have dyslexia and quite often get jumped on by the grammar and spelling police both on here and in real life.
I have discalcylar so get my numbers mixed up easily and it might take me more then 30 seconds to find my seat on a train or plane.
I use the disabled toilet if there is a queue as I know if I have an absence while needing the toilet I will wet myself. Get tuts for this all the time and have even been challenged a few times.
And the cardinal sin- I once refused to fold a pram down on a bus when DS was a baby, I can have little absences out of the blue due to epilepsy they only last a few seconds but I would have dropped DS if he was on my knee on a moving bus. (It was not a wheelchair user though it was another mum with a pram who wanted to get on)
For all these things I have got tuts and rolled eyes from people who don't understand my situation. I have even been called names.
Can I just please remain people that life is not always black and white and to have a bit of compassion. People struggle with everyday things though no fault of there own and the judgement just makes things ten times worse.

Tippy - of course not. OP isn't suggesting she has absences all the time just that she uses the disabled toilet when she feels like she might. Would you wear a 'protective pad - whatever that is - every day?!

As a parent to 2 DC, one with an 'invisible' medical disability, the other with a sometimes not visible neurological disability, I can sympathise.

What I really, really wish for is for people to keep their opinions to themselves. I'm past the point of caring what these shitty people think but when they comment on us using the disabled toilet or on behaviour,I can't bear it.

I have judged many people, many times in my life but I don't eye roll, tut or share my thoughts as I'm intelligent enough to remember that I don't know anyone elses situation and I'm usually wrong.

Yanbu op. There are lots of good people about though, the shitty ones are just a gobby minority.

People on here aren't judgy about those with invisible disabilities using disabled toilets. They get sick of people with buggies using them.

But it's good to get things off your chest. Better out than in! People who judge you for all the things in OP are twats.

I can't drive because I just never learned. I give not a shit if people judge me.

Those pads (tena etc) are for trampoline leaks etc not a full wee. You would have to wear a proper adult nappy to hold it and even then it's a risk.

And this is the reason I get the rage when some arse on a thread comes out with something like

"Ohhh here come the they may have SN brigade"

They fail to get that most people are not arseholes most people are not using their time in order to piss you off so chances are if someone does piss you off its quite likely they do have a difference given that most people who behave like arseholes in public are fairly detectable.

I'm sorry your feeling got at

fanjo

Huh? Disabled people can be parents as well and nobody is likely to just know if a parent is disabled or not

Not all disabilities are visible...almost everyone knows that but I think most people still quickly judge without thinking, myself included, when someone does something that annoys us.

My ds has epilepsy so for that alone your have my compassion!

My dh has poor grammar and I know he is judged by some because of this...only I and few others know that he had an awful childhood, he didn't have the opportunities for education that some, myself included, did...his parents were awful, took him out of school as early as legally possible to work so that he could financially contribute to their drink habit and to continue to be vile and abuse him.

My Mum uses the disable toilet and feels like she is frowned upon doing so...he has a bladder condition and also wears protection just in case but it's not just as easy as using that protection as an adult when out and about. She doesn't look like she has anything wrong with her.

I think the non driver annoyance only applies to those entitled people who expect to be lifted and laid...not to genuine people who get a lift occassionally or who car share and don't expect others to go out of their way or pay for all the fuel.

Sorry you feel judged

Needsa I'm saying people on here judge those who say they have no disability but just go in because of their buggy.

Chill yer boots.

I more than you know know that people with disabilities can be parents BTW

I.e I could never fold my buggy on bus for reasons we won't go into

MN is a horrible place.

Ask yourself what you really expected to take away from this thread.

I hope this help.s

www.wikihow.com/Use-There,-Their-and-They're

Yanbu, but the problem comes because so many people do abuse things like disabled toilets that people become suspicious of everyone which is sad. If people who use it just because it's there stopped then that sould help a lot, unfortunately that won't happen.

I felt awful for an older lady just before Christmas who felt the need to apologise and explain why she was using the disabled toilet when she came out And saw me and Ds waiting. I can only assume she had had people questioning her because she didn't look disabled

Why can't people with buggies use them? They are normally the baby change? Or they allow the mum to have a wee and still see the child.

On the first point, that is down to bad planning on behalf of the location - I have complained to more than one place where they think that is a sensible design idea.

The second point is a sore point on mn but general consensus is it isn't an excuse to use disabled toilets.

Or they allow the mum to have a wee and still see the child.

Because that's a luxury compared to people being able to access a toilet.

Because there are far more mums put and about than people with disabilities who need the toilet so they'd never get to use it.

This could run and run.

Have to say I am quite amused at being called disablist.

Makes a nice change from opposite.

I'm sorry you feel this way and for your situation op.

I'm going to admit that I would have done more that tut if you hadn't folded your buggy when I wanted to get on the bus with dd in her pram though. I have arthritis in my knees and standing at the bus stop waiting as long as I was..I probably would have burst into tears if I couldn't get on with my pram. Would you ever ask a stranger to help you fold it?

But surely, as long as you allow anyone who is disabled in before you then there is no problem? I am finding it really hard to see. Obviously if you are blocking someone with a disbaility access then yabu but if it is free and nobody is waiting?

The op explained that she feels unsafe holding her Ds on her knee on the bus, not that she is unable to fold the buggy.

Op sorry you feel this way. I stood in the park today pushing Ds on the swing, being eyeballed by several mums saying loudly to their babies, 'don't worry darling, you can have a turn when the big boy has finished' and then giving each other knowing looks as Ds exploded when I took him out of the swing. There are arseholes everywhere, who will judge, whenever they are given an opportunity, but I honestly think they are outweighed by good people. Here's hoping you meet more of the good people than the arses.

miracle, how do you know no-one is waiting if you are inside?

And no-one is saying that you shouldn't use the baby change if it is in the disabled toilet (although it is a bloody daft lace to put one!)

Miracle are you psychic and able to know that as soon as you lock the door someone who needs to use that toilet won't appear?

Miracle if everyone thought like that the disabled toilet would never be free when someone with a disability needed to use it.

You don't but that is the same whether you are disabled or not. As a rule I do avoid them unless I am concerned I will seize or need to use the baby change (all our local places have it in the disabled toilet) but am / was struggling to see the problem of using an empty toilet if you have a pram.

Because it isn't a toilet intended for you if your only problem is having a pram.

Of course is someone disabled is using the facility you will have to wait, that's unavoidable but it isn't a justification for anyone else to use it just because they feel it is more convient for them.

Well people have disabilities causing an urgent need for toilet.

And if you aren't disabled you might have to queue a little but you'd never never be able to access a toilet because they are used by hordes of mummies.

But thanks for proving my point about what really annoys people on MN about disabled toilet use.