To think this whole wedding, MY whole wedding, can go f it's self?

[hearthattack]

I can't be bothered. We've been together 4 years. We have a 5 month old son. I have enough shit to do with him that actually matters to be worrying about this tosh. I really can't be arsed thinking about food and decorations and music and crap.

I have an otherwise wonderful DP who is the one that wanted the wedding. Wedding planning has turned him into my no 1 pain in the ass, because he has done nadda. I would like to be married, but I'd happilly do it on a rainy Tuesday afternoon in my jeans and then get on with life. DP wants a party. But he doesn't want to spend any money. And he doesn't want it to be at all formal, or planned or weddingy. But he does want to invite 50+ of his friends and family who will be spending time and money travelling from all over the country to get here.

I feel we have a responsibility to them to throw a decent party, since we're inviting them to one. But it's all fallen to me so far and I know it will only get worse.

The invitations are sitting on the corner of the dining table, stamps attached, waiting to be sent tomorrow. We've just had a stupid row about whether we should try to plan speeches at roughly a certain time or just 'let them happen'.

Would I be being unreasonable to just chuck the invites in the pond and sack the whole thing off?! Then I could get on with being a mum/housekeeper/dishcloth and eat cake while I'm up with the baby at 4am til the cows come home.

Tell him your ideal day but that you are willing to go with the big party but he has to sort it all. If he doesn't it has a tantrum maybe postpone the wedding until he's an adult.

Postpone until next year. No bride should be roasting veg on her wedding day!

"But he does want to invite 50+ of HIS friends and family"

And you to cater for them? With a 5 month old baby? While acting the blushing bride? Even though it's not really what you want?

Is he so selfish and uncaring in other areas of your relationship?

I would be questioning the whole idea of marriage not just the catering arrangements.

If he wants it let him organise it, take a back seat and see what happens.

Our civil partnership party aka Big Gay Day sounds like the sort of thing your partner has in mind

Registry office, small venue
Etc
We decorated it, cooked the food, planned it all
We were exhausted!
A wonderful team of people helped us in the putting it together stages or it wouldn't have been done at all,

Please don't think you can do it on your own, we had no small children of our own to deal with, let alone a tiny baby.

If you want me to PM you I can tell you how we did and why we needed help so you can show your partner.

By the way, I absolutely loved it but I think that was delirium from all we did combined with euphoria as I love my wife very much!

Ywnbu to sack the whole thing off. Even dh and I waited until ds1 was near his first birthday (dc2) and then arranged our wedding in 2 weeks. I say arranged, we booked the registry office and told friends and family we'd be going to the pub after and they'd be welcome to join us. My mum wasn't so keen on that idea so booked a room at the hotel she works and and had them lay on tea/coffee, scones and sandwiches. We left early as we were already going out that night. It was an awesome day!

But both dh and I were on the same page when it came to a low hassle wedding. Tbf, dh would have just done it with me, the kids and 2 witnesses. I figured our parents might not be so enamoured with that idea and did want both sets there. It ended up with parents, siblings and their families, my grandparents (dh's long deceased) and a few mutual friends.

Ok so one of my aunts got pissed that they weren't invited (even though they wouldn't have come!) but everyone else understood that it wasn't about the huge day and celebration for us but us wanting to show our commitment formally to each other.

Could be worth visiting a local farmers market and seeing what type of catering is available - I've been in that type of work and could think of several different caterers - mobile pizza oven, curries, hog roast, carribbean food, handmade burgers etc that you could book for the night. None of them are "side of the road" vans - they all make their own stuff fresh etc to order...

Will probably cost the same as buying all the food in for 50 guests and you won't have to lift a finger.

Get a caterer of some kind. If you want people to do a speech give them lots of notice.

We ended up with me, DH and my brother doing a speech as we hadn't given FIL enough notice. Which was fair enough.

Think of it like a big party rather than a wedding reception. But someone needs to tell your future husband that money will need to be spent ...

Do the catering yourself yourselves?? Are you INSANE?

Because it's not just the cooking/preparation of food to think about. What about plates, cutlery, setting tables, finding enough chairs, serving up, keeping it warm and, worst of all, clearing it all away afterwards?

If he wants a big wedding, let him do the bulk of the planning. If he won't, he doesn't really want one ... and tell him that.

Tell him he steps up and does it, most of it, or you two will be heading down to the registry office to have a quiet little ceremony.

For what's its worth your wedding sounds like lots of fun. I reckon you will all have a great time. I would probably organise the things that you consider important for the party to be a success and then forget the rest. If your DP has anything else he wants he can organise it. Have you talked to him about how you are feeling too rather than just the actual organisation?

Do you have any friends and family that could help you out? My advice would be to try and consider this fun rather than a burden as it will make it worse for you. I have been to lots of diy weddings now and our own was too. At all of them we have had fun set up and decorate the local village hall the day before, going to the local party shop with friends to buy the decorations and cooking food and cakes. The preparation has always just as much fun as the big day.

Good luck OP. I think your wedding will be much better than you are anticpating.

Hi op.
Bless you for being dumped with this huge task. Your oh needs to get his finger out. My oh organised his own 40th as i was heavily pregnant at the time. We used Costco to do wraps dips and mini cakes and it was all fab. Really good value too. There are veggie and kids options. Mini cakes are amazing. You just need to join or be a guest. Theres one near chester at the end of the m56. Someone else can order it 72 hours before then collect on the day. Also used ipod disco which was great. I was bonkers with sleep deprivation at 5 months so pass on this info and let him and his 50 friends sort it!

I also second having a look at local catering options like hog roasts? They are very unlikely to work out much more expensive in the long run and then you can use paper plates, etc so no washing up. There are also companies that offer crockery that is dropped off and then picked up still dirty the next day so again no washing up.

When I had to cater and didn't have the physical/mental resources I did an online order with Tesco and ordered sausage rolls/onion bhajis/chicken wings all ready to go. I added paper plates and disposable cutlery. Nobody missed sandwiches. You could include a big cake.

What I suggest is that you get your partner to put the order together.

What I also recommend is that you make sure you have enough fridge space if you get it delivered, or rather, get him to commit in writing that he has considered the question of fridge space/coolers/cold stores.

Congratulations

What howbad said. Bollocks to a life of him saying 'I want/must have this' but not bothering to organise it. Tell him what needs to be done and that he can explain fuck ups to the guests as they all know what you've been thru having the baby. And if he does nothing, it's his problem and you still get the relaxed wedding you wanted!

And do not cater yourself on your wedding day! It's a lot harder than it looks and you'll have no time to do it and it will be major stress for a few days before and on the day. This needs to be done by a catering company/hog roast/buffet affair that he'll just have to fork out for. Or he can again explain to the guests why they are relying on bar snacks after their long journey down.

Or postpone until he is ready to sort it out. You might both be snowed under with baby and the start you had.

Sounds to me as if you have done your share, Op.

I love the idea of a burger van!

Sorry but he's being an arse. Why can't you have the wedding you want? Registry office and dinner at a restaurant with close family/friends sounds lovely and there's very little for you to do. I think if you try and organise a big do on no budget with you doing everything you're going to have a nightmare and feel resentful about it. Just do what you want to do. You know you are right!

Yup, definitely your future husband's problem. He needs to find a caterer and sort decorations, you have already done your fair share (booked registry office, found and booked venue, dress, invites) especially in light of what your ideal day would look like.
I did the bulk of our wedding planning but the difference is I wanted a DIY affair, DH was happy with whatever provided it was 'respectable' and within budget. It was an incredible amount of work, but I only had a cat to look after rather than a baby. The cat can be pretty demanding but it's not quite in the same league If I had a 5mo it would have been a catered event in a nice pub and organised 50/50.

Roasting veg on your wedding day? Fuck that! Even I wasn't that crazy...

Ps. Just say that this is what you are doing on the actual day and that he is welcome to organise a party for his 50+ friends later in the year to celebrate. Perhaps in the summer when the weather is nicer? That way you have the best of both worlds. We did something similar and it worked very well.

There are all sorts of cheap and cheerful ways of doing it and some great suggestions above, however I keep coming back to your original post.

Your DP is the one that wants all these people there, yet he is the one who doesn't want to spend any money or arrange to feed them which is incredibly rude.

If I were you I'd get a quote from a catering company/local restaurant to provide the food and service. Show it to your DP tell him that unless he organises something else that's what will be happening. Tell him he has two weeks ( or whatever time is reasonable) to work through a different solution and show it to you - one which has been agreed with anyone if he's expecting them to do things, and one which doesn't involve you doing any of the work as a) you're a bride and b) you're the DM of a very young baby. If he isn't able to produce this fully worked through alternative, then the caterers are getting booked.

One of the best weddings I've ever been to was a diy fancy dress wedding with a party in the village hall. Meal was jacket potatoes with range of salads or hot chilli or baked beans and cake was chocolate biscuit cake iced to look like a wedding cake. But bride and groom had good friends in the reenactment group they were part of and they organised the catering (cooked potatoes in ovens in hall and organised everyolocal into bringing a salad item grated cheese etc) and decorated the hall for them so it wasn't all down to just one or two individuals.

My dh and I ran away to a small Scottish island where dh 's granny and great aunt lived and had register office ceremony with those two as witnesses and our mothers as our only guests followed by soup and hot rolls at the local hotel. Even that was more than enough to organise without much help from dh and without a 5month old baby!

If your average catering company bring, say 3 or 4 people (? guessing) to set up a meal for 50, what on earth makes you think you could do it yourselves (presumably just the two of you?) on the same day as your wedding?

I had to check this to make sure future me didn't write it.

Or maybe you're marrying my OH.

He doesn't want a big wedding. He thinks spending lots of money on a wedding is vulgar. Just us two and witnesses for the ceremony, then 150-odd of his closest friends for a party in a teepee with live music and not your expected food, maybe a Mexican banquet.

How many people do you want to invite, cauli? Not my whole Facebook friends list. We can't afford any of my guests. People you haven't seen for 15 years but invited you to their wedding so you feel you have to invite them back are sitting where MY GRANDMA WOULD. Of course we can. This isn't a big wedding. Dude, it's a huge wedding. Massive. And we can't afford it. But there's only us at the ceremony. I want to keep things small... I don't want a big wedding. No, but you want a huge party. Huge? We're looking at about 300 people. That's about average, in my experience. Are your friends millionaires? You know they're not. Well, can you count then?

It is about here that we stopped planning the wedding. I want to go to Vegas and do it wearing a leopard print dress and red shoes. His Mum would divorce him though as that's what his brother did and she was heartbroken. FFS.

There's millions of ways to do a wedding reasonably cheaply, but most of them involve a lot of input for the organiser.

A lot of posters seem to be accepting that the OP should be the organiser, by providing simple and cheap suggestions.

But it is her DHTB who wants the party, so the real issue is that it should be him making the plans.

hearthattack, make this his problem. Don't argue about speeches, or who will bring what. Just let him know that you are happy with a small registry office wedding, and will rock up with your DS, both suitably attired. Everything else is down to him.

OK, so this guy wants to get married, he wants a big party but he doesn't want to spend money or do any organising. The correct answer to this is TOUGH. I bet if your brain weren't in post-traumatic-birth baby-non-sleeping fug you'd have seen this clearly and gone fuck this for a game of soldiers, it's your choice, you do whatever it takes/costs, I'll just get a half-decent dress and turn up on the day.

Meeting your life partner half-way, compromising on the wedding you'd prefer to keep them happy, sharing the burden of arranging it, is all well and good. But this is not that scenario. It's having something you don't want dumped on you from a great height, while Mr Man struts about like cock of the walk, leaving all the actual work to the underling. It is not partnership. It's taking a liberty is what it is.