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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this whole wedding, MY whole wedding, can go f it's self?

101 replies

hearthattack · 24/03/2016 23:18

I can't be bothered. We've been together 4 years. We have a 5 month old son. I have enough shit to do with him that actually matters to be worrying about this tosh. I really can't be arsed thinking about food and decorations and music and crap.

I have an otherwise wonderful DP who is the one that wanted the wedding. Wedding planning has turned him into my no 1 pain in the ass, because he has done nadda. I would like to be married, but I'd happilly do it on a rainy Tuesday afternoon in my jeans and then get on with life. DP wants a party. But he doesn't want to spend any money. And he doesn't want it to be at all formal, or planned or weddingy. But he does want to invite 50+ of his friends and family who will be spending time and money travelling from all over the country to get here.

I feel we have a responsibility to them to throw a decent party, since we're inviting them to one. But it's all fallen to me so far and I know it will only get worse.

The invitations are sitting on the corner of the dining table, stamps attached, waiting to be sent tomorrow. We've just had a stupid row about whether we should try to plan speeches at roughly a certain time or just 'let them happen'.

Would I be being unreasonable to just chuck the invites in the pond and sack the whole thing off?! Then I could get on with being a mum/housekeeper/dishcloth and eat cake while I'm up with the baby at 4am til the cows come home.

OP posts:
Alasalas2 · 25/03/2016 00:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheby · 25/03/2016 00:24

Don't cater it yourself. I catered DD's naming ceremony (70 people) and I nearly imploded with the stress of it. Get someone in!

Original poster
hearthattack · 25/03/2016 00:25

Ok. I feel vindicated in telling DP it's his project now and I shall be turning up on the day feeling fab about myself and f anything else. As long as people are fed and watered things will be fine.

I do have a 5 month old baby (and we had an especially shitty, intesive care dwelling, 3 months in hospital, 4 lots of surgery for me type start), and my brain is totally mushed, and I don't know which way is up, and I bloody love Mumsnet (sometimes!).

OP posts:
Original poster
hearthattack · 25/03/2016 00:31

Alasalas2, I'm banking on baby stealing the show! That's really why I gave in to the idea of a party. Thank goodness he's a smiley, sociable little oik. :-) xxx

OP posts:
Alasalas2 · 25/03/2016 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gwenhwyfar · 25/03/2016 00:46

Sorry PomBeat but I don't think it's fair to make people travel from far away to stand outside in the cold eating from a burger van or to be struggling to cut something with plastic knives.They will be spending money on petrol an hotels.

Original poster
hearthattack · 25/03/2016 00:50

Gwenhwyfar , our family and friends know what we are like (and are cut from the same cloth) so as long as they're fed, watered and entertained they'll be happy. If we threw a full on three course sit down type affair they'd all fall of their chairs in amazement.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 25/03/2016 01:14

There's cheap and cheerful and there's cheap and nasty. A sit down buffet of cheese sandwiches at home would be fine for me, but not standing in a car park queuing up by a burger van...

BillSykesDog · 25/03/2016 01:18

Yeah, a burger van would be a step too far for me too. Especially if you wanted them to pay themselves. And if you were footing the bill, you could have something much nicer than a burger van for the same price.

Actually, have you thought of just ordering in a load of pizzas? With a big bowl of salad and lots of garlic bread? Much nicer than having to queue up in a car park for a burger and very little effort. And everyone loves a pizza!

herecomethepotatoes · 25/03/2016 01:32

I've worked in F&B and single handedly feeding 50 will be horrible. Not sure I could do it and that's as someone with experience and commercial facilities. Keeping hot food hot, cold food cold and everything prepared on time will be a fucking nightmare.

How about a hog roast? By the time you shop for ingredients for 50, I bet the prices aren't as different as you may imagine; perhaps the former even being cheaper.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 25/03/2016 01:33

It was just a thought - different people like different things. One person's "fabulous party" is someone else's nightmare Grin
DH and I got married at 9am, and headed straight to Blackpool with the 3 DCs in tow. We stayed in a cheap B&B, and went to see the GrumbleWeeds and Alvin Stardust at the "end of the pier" show and all had the time of our lives.
I guess what I'm getting at is, it should be the couple getting married's day, and if their family and friends can't be happy for them and celebrate with them however they decide then it's bad cess to them!
We told people when and where, and were lucky that two people who turned up were willing to be our witnesses, and that was that.
Just do what makes you happy OP! (Well obviously your DP will have to have a say, unless you just club him over the head and drag him there by his hair Grin ) but nobody else matters!

BillSykesDog · 25/03/2016 01:39

Your wedding sounds epic Pom. I would love Blackpool and the Grumbleweeds. I never turn down an opportunity to go to Blackpool.

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 25/03/2016 05:34

Aww thank you Bullseye (see what I did there? Grin )

Spudlet · 25/03/2016 05:56

Hog roast? That's what we had. Went down a treat.

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 25/03/2016 05:58

Op said they are asking for vegetarian dishes and doing falafel so I think a hog roast and burger van might be pitched a bit wrong!
Op, sorry but this wedding is a terrible idea. I mean, get married by all means but don't do it like this. All the stress will fall on you, you will hate it and what's the point in that? Sorry, you will need to spend some money I getting some help. It doesn't have to be conventional but you have to spend money on it.

kittybiscuits · 25/03/2016 06:06

Use a caterer. Don't sort any more of it out yourself.

Rafflesway · 25/03/2016 06:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleRedSparke · 25/03/2016 06:57

what are the odds of all your guests over 50 being unable to eat a pizza due to digestive issues?

you might have one or 2, but you could do some stuff as well as pizza or tell them thats whats on the table and they can plan

". DP wants a party. But he doesn't want to spend any money. And he doesn't want it to be at all formal, or planned or weddingy. But he does want to invite 50+ of his friends and family who will be spending time and money travelling from all over the country to get here. "

HE wants a party - then HE can plan a party...

I'm glad you said "otherwise wonderful" as i was all LTB!! GrinGrinGrinGrin

Fratelli · 25/03/2016 07:15

I think the slow cooker idea is a great idea! Then just have some salads and nibbles or whatever out too. Recipes should be easy enough for your dp to follow!

fourage · 25/03/2016 07:16

It all sounds worse than a trip to the dentist OP.
You need to take more time to discuss the plans with your OH. Don't post the invites.

I shudder at the thought of a traditional wedding. OH and I and quite anti- social, I hate parties, and I would hate all the focus on me too. Not because I am shy, but because I hate all the faux love and air kissing.
OH and I have been together over 20 years and are on;y just thinking about getting married, but we are taking out time to decide exactly what is right for us.

So far a humanist ceremony on a tiny mediterranean island that near a meaningful place to us. With no guests. That we are agreeing on.

BTW I don't like pizza either, and serving it to 50 guests means it will be cold, or kept warm so long that it will be like serving cheesy cardboard.

Milzilla · 25/03/2016 07:17

We're getting married in a few weeks. Ten of us at registry office, followed by meal in local Italian - then to my parents for drinks where another 10 people or so will join us. Could you do something like that?

My only stresses are my outfit!

We're still having cake/balloons etc but onus of sorting food isn't on us. We are sorting roast beef sarnies (posh ones), nice crisps and a cheeseboard/wedding cake for later in the evening.

KERALA1 · 25/03/2016 07:19

Tell your Dp you are getting a caterer. You can't get people to travel and not give them proper food. You can't diy unless you good at this stuff and don't have a baby.

MsColouring · 25/03/2016 07:29

We got married at Christmas. Got married in church as I am part of the church so all that was easy to organise.

Reception was village hall and bring a plate friends and family made sure it was all set out nicely. Most invites were done on fb. Didn't need to worry about booze as there was a bar - we did buy cava for the toasts though. Giant cupcake for wedding cake. Minimal decoration. Had a disco - everyone loved it.

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 25/03/2016 07:34

Do what I did and go to registry office in secret. Only cost £135 all together and no crap of organising stuff Grin

fourage · 25/03/2016 07:37

shameful, trouble is the OPs OH wants 50 people there. And doesn't want to spend much money.

OP- " But it's all fallen to me so far and I know it will only get worse."

But it doesn't have to be like that. Drop the ball.It may have "fallen" to you but you didn't have to catch it.