I need some advice please! Sorry this is long.
I did a family meal last night as it was my late Dad's birthday and 1 year on I didn't want to ignore it but not really celebrate it either - so I just did an informal meal for us and the kids.
We didn't drink much - a glass for a toast and one more after. So no-one drunk but not completely sober.
Meal goes well then my husband and mum start a conversation - to which I know she has extreme views on and he equally. Think religion ... but it wasn't. Husband fed her with an awful line to consider to which her response was equally as awful. At this point I put a stop to the conversation - said each to their own opinion and left it there.
Husband then went into a mood and started to clear away - signalling the night was most definitely over. I knew he meant this, mum and sibling just took the hint and packed up to leave.
They thanked us for the evening and he muttered a goodbye.
I went to bed not wanting to cause a row. I couldn't sleep and was upset he'd ended the night on a sour note.
This morning he asks abruptly why I'm not speaking. I told him I thought he was rude last night and that due to the date he could have let it slide for once.
He asks if I'm going to give my mum 'as much grief' for what she'd said - to which I replied yes I'll tell her it was out of order too.
I tell him he's not innocent in it all and fed her a ridiculously awful line to consider.
Then ... all hell breaks lose and he goes mad saying how out of order my mum was, when I once again pointed out he'd fed her theory with an awful line ... he refused to accept any part.
She'd brought us an expensive gift round too ... so when I said "Look it was an important date, she brought us a lovely gift, couldn't it have just been an easy night ...
To which
He flies off the handle and says 'give it her back' and then smashes a coffee pot and wine glass all over the side in the kitchen.
I couldn't quite believe how mad he'd gone. He throws toddler tantrums but doesn't usually smash stuff - and I stupidly cleaned it up.
He apologised to the kids and refused to apologies to me.
I told him I was sick of it and that I could do this all on my own.
I then told him I didn't mean what I'd said but what he'd done was unacceptable.
He showered, then I showered, then he left for work without saying a word.
He's left his wedding ring on the side. He never does this, so not accidently forgotten to put it back on.
I rang my mum and she said she was glad I stopped the conversation when I did, and each to their own on opinion, but she feels awful it esculated to an argument. She thought he was a bit 'off' at the end of the night but mainly that she just thought he was tired when he left the table.
She said to not argue back and just wait until he comes round.
We have a weekend of family stuff with both sides of the family which I can't 'fake' all weekend.
Am I seriously in the wrong here?
Hate arguments but don't think I need to apologies here ...
Feeling a bit numb more than anything at the moment.
What do you think?