To want to find out sex of baby?

[Shambalaa]

I have 2 DC from a previous marriage, DP has 1 DC.

Ex and I found out what we were having with ours, DP didn't.

I want to find out this time. DP doesn't. We keep bickering over it and I'm getting really angry and upset.

I'm the one carrying the baby and I feel knowing helps me bond better. I also don't want to find out after a long labour, off my head and exhausted.

I have said he can make his own decision but he doesn't get to decide for me. He gets pissed off and says fine, but if I must find out so will he as it ruins it for him and I have forced his hand.

I'm fucking fuming

I don't think your reasons for wanting to know are important. Point is some people want to know, and some don't. If you do and DP doesn't then that's something that needs to be sorted and obviously you can't agree so the only fair thing is for the person who wants to know to find out, and the other not to. As DP isn't even up for that, he's being very unreasonable! Also, also the person carrying the baby I do think you vote should count for a bit more, but still. All this has been said in the thread already but a few commenters talking about the pros and cons of finding out, or whether or not it's OK for you to want to... And I think that's totally irrelevant! Point is, you do want to, and DP is being unreasonable about handling that

PunkAss why would you prefer it if it wasn't an option to find out the baby's sex? Just curious

We've got the same issue but in reverse - dh wants to know know and I don't. For me there are very few real surprises in life and this is one. We've already got a ds (didn't find out until he was born) and will be genuinely and equally excited and surprised whatever the gender. Dh hasn't pushed the issue too much yet and we've not argued. I think he'll go with my choice. I couldn't have one of us know and the other not know.

Put simply your body, your rules.

It's not her body. It's the body inside which they've both created.

Don't knock having a surprise. The suspense and that hand clutching of excitement is indescribable.
However. It is each to their own, and no YNBU. Is there no way they could tell you but not your DH.
There is another way of telling. Take a pendulum rub it over your tummy,for about 4 so. It can get the vibe. Take the pendulum off your tummy and see what way it swings.
If it swings to and fro or left to right. It'll be a girl. If it moves circular. It will be a boy. I've never actually known this method to be wrong

Missed out the word seconds from line 7

Why can't you find out and tell him you have ie. not lie to him?

Yes, it's your body but he wants to bond with the baby too and it's arguably harder for the father.

Can you not ask for the sonographer to write the sex of the baby on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope? The. You can choose to look at it when you want 😉. It's a hard one YNBU to want to find out!

At my 20 week scan with dd2 the sonographer couldn't see either way. So I had a 'surprise' that I didn't plan as such. It honestly isn't that big a deal either way. Boy or girl the baby is an individual with their own personality.

But op your dp's position that his wishes are more important than yours would piss me off so yanbu.

I'm concerned that if you are arguing over this what is to come with shared parenting!
I wanted to find out and DH didn't but we never argued. As it happens we had 4 and twice found out and twice didn't. It didn't make any difference to either of us in the end.
But if I was you I'd just find out and say nothing.

For everyone saying the OP could find out and the DP doesn't need to, do you honestly think that is something that can be kept secret for the next 20 weeks. Really? Is pretty likely to slip out at some point, innocently and subconsciously, but I can't see that the secret would be kept successfully.