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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my daughter is too old to be wetting herself?

65 replies

Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 15:17

My daughters just turned 13, yes 13
She was potty trained at 3,
Has been dry from around 3.5 in the day and 4.5 by night
But the last 12 months (so from the age of 12) I've noticed stained underwear and smelly pyjamas/jeans
It's not like she is actually full on wetting herself, just dribbling maybe?
It seemed to coincide with her getting a laptop so I thought she was so engrossed in watching Netflix she was leaving it too late to go the toilet
I spoke to her about it and limited the laptop time
But it's still happening, she says she knows she is doing but is too lazy to go to the toilet!
She's very image conscious, lots of make up, always doing her hair, buying new clothes but doesn't seem bothered that she smells like a public toilet
Should I take her to the doctors? Has anyone else experienced this?
Thanks

OP posts:
CutYourHairAndGetAJob · 23/03/2016 15:20

Drs yes, perhaps she has a urine infection?

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 15:26

Thank you, I didn't know that could be a cause, I will make her an appointment

OP posts:
flanjabelle · 23/03/2016 15:27

I would be getting her seen, this is not normal teen behaviour and I would be very concerned.

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 15:34

I would be very concerned if something like this just started happening out of the blue.

I really hate to say it, and I will probably get flamed, but this kind of thing can start to happen for quite sinister reasons, which I accept are not necessarily the case here.

I'd start with your GP.

So sorry if that sounded melodramatic or scaremongery.

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 15:40

I'm pretty sure there's nothing sinister
She is very lazy, that's why when she told me she couldn't be bothered to go to the toilet and was hanging on too long I believed her
Although she is very image conscious she is also nose blind to her own odour (typical teenager) I have to pester her to take a shower, she quite often has b.o.
And will go a week without showering if I don't tell her to
I will make her a gp appointment tho

OP posts:
Original poster
Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 15:41

She also wears socks and pants for more than one day, yes gross I know!

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 15:42

Cool.

Only you know her situation, if that makes sense.

GP is a good start...if nothing else and it is just pure laziness, it might make her think that if you are taking her to a doctor about it, that it is not "acceptable" and is concerning enough to make her think about it.

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 15:43

And a urine infection, if she has one, might be a cause, because she may have just gone and need to go again (as you do with a urine infection) and think, oh I can't be bothered, it can only be a tiny dribble, so lets the tiny dribble out, it dries, etc etc.

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 15:47

Yes that makes sense,
Gp it is, and if she is just being lazy hopefully this will be a wake up call, it did get better when I took the laptop away for a week, maybe a coincidence
She's currently on no laptop as a punishment for something else! So will see how it goes but will definitely be making a drs appointment

OP posts:
calamityjam · 23/03/2016 15:52

I'm getting quite ticked off at the mention of child abuse in every other bloody post. Of course we should all be aware of this but op had already said her dd is known to be lazy going to the loo. To read some comments on here you would think abuse occurs in every other home in the country. Can we please have less of the moral panic posting.

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 15:53

Nobody mentioned child abuse, did they? Hmm

MiffleTheIntrovert · 23/03/2016 15:57

My first thought would have been a UTI or similar physical issue. I think sometimes teens can be self conscious about discussing things like this, and to be honest, the way you come across in this post, wouldn't encourage me to confide in or discuss things like this with you, and I'm not a teenager (but I have a few).

I find it hard to believe you would let a physical issue like this in a 13 year old go on for a year and assume she is "wetting herself" because she is "very lazy", rather than getting her checked over.

magratsflyawayhair · 23/03/2016 15:57

Doctors definitely. It's not usual and I would guess there's an underlying cause.

calamityjam · 23/03/2016 15:58

Yes Tattydevine mentioned it, indirectly yes but it is happening a lot.

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 16:00

It's been nearly a year because it has been on and off, improving when we have spoken about it and had the laptop removed and then getting gradually worse the last couple of weeks

OP posts:
TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 16:00

And I will continue to post whatever I want in line with the Talk Guidelines.

Narp · 23/03/2016 16:03

I think people are allowed to mention child abuse without getting told off.

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 16:05

Miffle, I can't see how you can judge wether you would speak to me if you were a teen as you don't even know me and all I have done is state facts!
You know what I've been on here a week, and I've been told I should leave my husband (because I feel down) I've seen people flamed for the smallest of things,
Now accused of being unapproachable by people who don't know me at all!

I won't be coming on mumsnet again, I thought it would be friendly helpful advice, but I was so wrong, thank you to everyone who has helped though,
But there's just too many keyboard warriors out for a fight!

OP posts:
whatevva · 23/03/2016 16:06

Hormone fluctuations or constipation may be contributing.

calamityjam · 23/03/2016 16:19

Op please don't stop posting because of some small minded people on here. Mumsnet can be an excellent source of advice and support. I think sometimes you have to blank out some posts as some people will pick apart your words like hungry vultures desperate for something to judge you on. Others will make mountains out of mole hills. Most however are lovely, caring and very insightful. I have learntso much on various aspects of child rearing as well as education and other matters relevant to the degree I'm studying. I hope your dd gets some good advice and help from your gp. And please don't think we are all vipers.

Groovee · 23/03/2016 16:21

My friend used to wet herself and presumed it was due to a weak pelvic floor. Eventually it turned out she had a bacteria in her bladder which forced her to wet herself as it would just come out. She had a long course of antibiotics.

NattyNatural · 23/03/2016 16:23

It must be very hard for you op not knowing what's causing this. Definitely doctors.
Hope you get it sorted Thanks

Original poster
Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 16:31

Thank you everyone that has given helpful advice
I didn't know this could be caused by an infection so will be getting it checked out

She did also tell me she won't use the toilet at school as the locks are broken, there's never any loo roll and older girls smoke in the toilets

OP posts:
Janecc · 23/03/2016 16:32

My friend as a teen used to wet herself when she laughed. It could be a uti, weak pelvic floor or hormones as someone else suggested. I know dogs can suddenly start messing in the house during puberty (I assume they somehow lose part of the control of their bodily functions for a while) so maybe it happens in humans too. Perhaps I will google that one.....

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 16:37

Ok Calamityjam - I don't want to fall out, and I don't need to justify myself, so I'll just put this out there anyway.

I don't know the OP from Jack, her situation, or what.

She does.

In saying what I said, it gives her food for thought. I apologised in advance for it maybe seeming OTT. And I knew somebody would jump on. But only she would know whether this were perhaps a factor, and it is not necessarily something she may have considered in this context. Many people may not consider this as a symptom of anything abstract.

I get what you mean about everything seeming to be about child abuse. I see it on Mumsnet when it does seem completely over the top and out of context. I also see it as possibly in context. We are all on the other side of a keyboard, so nobody really knows. It may seem awful to put it out there, but it is equally, if not more awful, to just let it bob by like a big piece of tumbleweed.

You asked for people to stop mentioning child abuse in every other post. I was careful not to mention it by name, because it can be upsetting to some, and I'm not sure it is being mentioned in every other post to be fair. But it can seem to come up a lot in one day, then not at all on others.

But this particular issue is mentioned as an early sign of child abuse on both the NHS Choices website and the NSPCC. If you think it shouldn't be mentioned on here, at least contact them too, and tell them to take it down, and let us know how you get on with that, bearing in mind it is evidence based!

I took umbrage to being "told off" by you about mentioning it, I admit, because for one I felt I had to, and secondly, if it is nothing, nothing will come of it.

I have had safeguarding training and perhaps that has skewed my view of how prevalent this issue is in our society.

But once you have had that training it is hard not to mention it, in passing if nothing else. I'm not waving a flaming torch here, I just put it out there.

I'd rather mention it that not - because it is then in the hands of the OP.

I am actually one of the least likely people to say "call social services" on various threads about childcare (not necessarily related to possible "abuse" in the context we are talking, but the leaving children in cars etc) so honestly I am not a pearl clutcher. I"m a let your children forage for food near the bin if you are busy type person (possibly exaggerating now, but believe me, really, I'm not a pearl clutching alpha mum).

I hope you understand, and I'm sorry if I offended you or anybody else - I know I haven't offended the OP as we have messaged. For what it is worth, other posters have offended her, which is a shame.

I do mean well, without being, hopefully, "annoyingly well meaning".

Sorry again.

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