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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think my daughter is too old to be wetting herself?

65 replies

Gymboree567 · 23/03/2016 15:17

My daughters just turned 13, yes 13
She was potty trained at 3,
Has been dry from around 3.5 in the day and 4.5 by night
But the last 12 months (so from the age of 12) I've noticed stained underwear and smelly pyjamas/jeans
It's not like she is actually full on wetting herself, just dribbling maybe?
It seemed to coincide with her getting a laptop so I thought she was so engrossed in watching Netflix she was leaving it too late to go the toilet
I spoke to her about it and limited the laptop time
But it's still happening, she says she knows she is doing but is too lazy to go to the toilet!
She's very image conscious, lots of make up, always doing her hair, buying new clothes but doesn't seem bothered that she smells like a public toilet
Should I take her to the doctors? Has anyone else experienced this?
Thanks

OP posts:
pointythings · 23/03/2016 16:40

If she is refusing to use the toilets at school that will actually put her at greater risk of infection. To ensure she does not need to go at school, she may well be limiting the amount of water she drinks, and that would also increase the risk. If this has been going on for a long time, she may indeed have quite a serious water infection and need thorough treatment. Definitely go and see the GP as a first port of call.

britnay · 23/03/2016 16:42

Is she sitting with the laptop on her lap for long periods of time?

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 16:45

Does sound like a fast track to a water infection, which a GP can confirm or rule out.

My daughter (6) will not go to the toilet at school, because she is scared of ceiling fans (because obviously they install child-sucking-up-and-killing ceiling fans in primary schools) Hmm which is a problem

It's less than ideal!

Cutecat78 · 23/03/2016 16:50

God please not the "sinister" reasons for wetting - again Hmm - and judging the OP from the "tone" of her post - seriously?! Grin

OP I would not say this was unusual for a girl but she is a little old to be doing it - unfortunately if it is just laziness she'll prob only sort it out when her peers start taking the piss (excuse the pun).

I would take her the the GP to be on the safe side but be delicate - she might be mortified.

MiffleTheIntrovert · 23/03/2016 16:52

Op I am sorry if I offended you. I hate to use the MN clichè of feeling sorry for your DC, but your initial posts, to me, seemed quite negative towards your DD, and I did feel sympathy for her, so was probably "blunter" than I normally am on MN.

If you have only been here a week, it must be a baptism of fire, especially if you're in AIBU. I suppose I am guilty of being blunter due to the fact this is AIBU - if it had been in Behaviour or Development I might have been less blunt! I shall watch myself in future though. I haven't seen your thread where you've been encouraged to leave your DH btw.

MN is generally supportive and it does have very very good advice even if you have to separate the wheat from the chaff. I would give it a bit longer and avoid AIBU and bear in mind, sometimes it may come across as more, shall we say robust and direct than other forums but the vast majority of Mners genuinely post to support and help people. Certain sections ( like relationships and special needs) are more supportive than others. I have had my arse handed to me before now though.

I genuinely hope your DD is OK. It's definitely worth complaining to the school about the toilets - we have had that at our school too. My DDs carry little bottles of hand sanitiser - hopefully this will be some genuinely helpful advice!

Cutecat78 · 23/03/2016 16:54

Not unusual!!

Snowberry86 · 23/03/2016 16:55

Could you speak to her school and discreetly ask if she could have a toilet pass to allow her to go during lesson time? That would avoid the other children smoking in there and she could keep tissues in her pocket for if there is no toilet roll.

HeyMacWey · 23/03/2016 16:59

Could she just be rushing when she goes to the toilet and not finishing going. One of mine did this and I had to remind them to wait a minute after doing her wee to make sure there was no more to come out.

I'd take her to the doctors too just to get checked out.

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 17:03

Well, Cutecat if you are going to flame me for it, go onto NHS and Childline and tell them to cull the fuck out of that shit. Fair is fair after all Hmm

queenMab99 · 23/03/2016 17:05

I had this problem when I was about 13, and didn't want to mention it because of embarassment, then I had other symptoms, sudden intermitent pelvic pain which i could no longer hide and my mother called the Dr, as by this time I was unable to wait for an appointment. I was sent to hospital, where my mother was horrified when I was questioned about sexual activity. (I was a very innocent 13 year old and still played with dolls!) It was a cyst which was stopping my pelvic muscles from working properly and was soon dealt with, by minor op. I have had no further problems. My mother was very loving and approachable, but somehow I just couldn't admit to having a problem.

Cutecat78 · 23/03/2016 17:07

I don't need to thanks I am fully trained in safeguarding at work.

It's one of many reasons and one of many signs - but on here it's the first conclusion everyone jumps to - which can actually make an OP usually the parent or step parent feel like utter shit and totally derails the thread meaning they do not get the advice they came for.

Sallyingforth · 23/03/2016 17:10

I would certainly make sure she changes her pants every day. Putting dirty ones back on is going to increase the unpleasantness, whatever the basic problem.

Pandora2016 · 23/03/2016 17:10

Could be masturbation? She's old enough.

GooseberryRoolz · 23/03/2016 17:14

Masturbation leading to urine accidents? Confused

calamityjam · 23/03/2016 17:15

I might be missing the point here but why would masterbation cause urine in her pants?

LilacSpunkMonkey · 23/03/2016 17:16

Masturbation? Wetting herself is masturbation now?

Bit of a jump, isn't it?

Pandora2016 · 23/03/2016 17:17

It can cause damp, smelly stains on underwear though.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 23/03/2016 17:18

Not urine stains though. The OP has talked about urine.

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 17:19

I suggest you take your safeguarding training again, Cutecat. Get them to reiterate the part about it not being about hurting the parents feelings if you think there is the slightest possibility there may be a problem, which can easily be disregarded.

Hope that helps Smile

applesandpears33 · 23/03/2016 17:21

What are the school toilets like? When I was at school a lot of bullying took place in the toilets at breaks and lunchtime.

Pandora2016 · 23/03/2016 17:21

Not always so obvious which one is which...

It's a thought anyway.

Cutecat78 · 23/03/2016 17:23

I was under the impression this was a "supportive" Internet forum - not the social care duty office.

Bluebolt · 23/03/2016 17:24

My niece had overactive bladder she also messed up her natural signals and muscle strength trying to compensate by reducing fluids and going when she didn't need to.

TattyDevine · 23/03/2016 17:27

If people can't differentiate between social care and support, I can only hope they don't work in a school near me.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/03/2016 17:27

At around your dd's age, I developed stress incontinence - could that be a factor, Gymboree? It was not an easy thing to talk to my mum about, but when I did, the GP referred me to a consultant, and I had physiotherapy (basically they physiotherapy taught me pelvic floor exercises), which cleared the problem up.