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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend has asked me for money, what should i do

115 replies

catladyboredlady · 23/03/2016 13:53

I am not working, I have around 600 to my name, friend knows i just came back from holiday paid for by my ex not me but she doesnt know that.
She has asked me for 100 quid.
I cannot spare this but she has said she is desperate, she does work i dont know what she needs it for.
I have been desperate before and I know how annoying it is when nobody borrows you the money.
Should I just give her the 100? she said she can pay me back around the 11th next month.
I have known her since school so 10 plus years now.

What would you do?

OP posts:
legotits · 23/03/2016 14:08

No.
Just no.

ESA is fixed so if she doesn't pay back it isn't as though you can grab a Saturday shift or overtime to make it up.

228agreenend · 23/03/2016 14:11

I would say no, especially as she hasn't specified what it was for. It's irrelevant that you have just back from holiday. How close a friend is she? For oall you know, she could go around asking to borrow money from lots of people, and never pays anyone back. What sort of lifestyle does she lead?

Why has she suddenly asked to you for money, and why now?

You already feel embaressed being asked, so think how you would feel when you asked for the money back. Also, you haven't got a lot of spare cash either.

agapanthii · 23/03/2016 14:13

Nope.
And I don't understand the holiday thing. I would assume any of my friends who have just been on a holiday are probably a bit short of cash, if anything.

FayKorgasm · 23/03/2016 14:14

No. Never mix money and friendship.

RockUnit · 23/03/2016 14:14

Say no. You can't afford it.

NoSquirrels · 23/03/2016 14:15

Just say "I'm sorry, but I don't have it to lend." That is true - that £600 is not "spare" and it will not go very far if you have an unexpectedly stop in benefits or emergency or whatever.

£100 is a lot, she has asked but you are under no obligation whatsoever to lend just because someone has asked. Say no.

ExitPursuedByABear · 23/03/2016 14:16

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

Angetrain · 23/03/2016 14:16

I would only give it to her if she agrees to pay back by a certain date . Explain that you definitely need it by then ( say the 11th) as otherwise you will be in financial difficulty yourself. Stress that she must guarantee to pay you back by agreed date or you can't agree . Good luck

GloriousGoosebumps · 23/03/2016 14:17

If you've only got £600 to your name then you're not in a position to lend money to your friend and you should tell her so. Why can't she use her credit card, or ask her parents, siblings or other relatives? She might even be able to get an advance on her wages if she speaks to her employer. Or she could sell or pawn something. She really should be exploring all these avenues before going to an unemployed friend for money. If she attempts to put pressure on you then I think it would be perfectly reasonable to point out the above to her.

bluestarred · 23/03/2016 14:18

Why don't you know what she needs it for? Is it because you've not asked or is it because she's refusing to tell you.

Refusing to tell you, no way in hell.

Telling you with a very valid reason, then I'd consider.

HanYOLO · 23/03/2016 14:19

She thinks you are better off than you are. Tell her you don't have £100 to lend. If she is desperate in a can't eat kind of way I would give her £25 without the expectation of getting it back.

It is very difficult - I would hate to see a friend of mine end up going to a payday lender for example. But you cannot afford to lend her £100.

Redderred · 23/03/2016 14:21

No definitely do not lend her money. Never ends well. Just say no.

goldfinch01 · 23/03/2016 14:23

I would just say "no I'm sorry I can't" and don't feel the need to explain yourself any further.

Personally I would never ask a friend for money, I'd be far too embarrassed and wouldn't want it to come between our friendship.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2016 14:28

In your position, NO WAY.

'Sorry, but I don't have any money.'

That's a huge amount of money, IMO.

Even with a very valid reason, you really cannot afford to front that kind of money.

xxreeldancerxx · 23/03/2016 14:28

Only lend it if you're prepared to lose her as a friend. I lent a so called good friend £400 6years ago and have never seen a penny of it .... Or her for that matter! Expensive mistake but boy have I learned from it. Definitely say NO

Realfootyfan · 23/03/2016 14:28

I only lend money I can afford to give the person if they can't pay it back. That way I never feel put upon. If they manage to pay it back, that's a bonus. In your case I definitely wouldn't lend it as you can't afford to lose it. Sounds like she thinks you're better off than you are. You don't have to explain that though. Just practise saying, 'sorry I can't lend it to you'. It will save you heart ache and possible end to the friendship if she fails to pay it back. There was a thread recently from someone who had experienced exactly that, it ended their friendship and it's just not worth the risk.

Branleuse · 23/03/2016 14:30

tell her that youre sorry but you just cant, then offer her a tenner if she needs food or something

AyeAmarok · 23/03/2016 14:31

Can you text and ask what's happened that she needs it?

I think the fact she's asked for or without telling you what it's for means that it's probably for something daft.

bushtailadventures · 23/03/2016 14:33

The thing about lending money you can ill afford to lose, is that it can become incredibly stressful while waiting for the date it is due to be paid back. I lent a 'friend' some money a while ago, then she had a problem and couldn't pay me back on the day agreed, all very well, but it was money I needed for food.She did pay me back a week later, but I have never loaned her money again, I can't deal with the stress.

wheelofapps · 23/03/2016 14:38

Don't.
I had a 'friend' who booked a caravan holiday for herself and her SN son (my son also has AN's). She then came to me in tears that she couldn't afford it and could I lend her £100 - it would break her son's heart etc.
I did so, even though it took me into overdraft and I had to pay a £6 fine for that.
She went (for about 5 days). I popped down (invited) for a day.
The whole time we were there she was bugging me to go to the Pub.
I don't really drink anyway and couldn't afford it - she had all my money.
She went to the pub for at least 3 hours. She went shopping on way down - £80 odd. I popped down for a second day - Oh, and 'could you bring some steak down for (her) ds - he doesn't like burgers - I'll settle up with you'. Again I had to say no as I didn't have enough money for ruddy steak - I was in overdraft.
I eventually got my money back but she was really really horrible about it.
She shouted at me that I was 'not a proper friend' and 'needed to lighten up'!
I later discovered she has form for this and has lost lots of friendships over money.

CrazyDuchess · 23/03/2016 14:42

If you are even questioning it by posting here i'd say no.

Only loan what you can afford to lose.

When I lend money it is a gift and if I get it back its a bonus.

Pufflehuff · 23/03/2016 14:44

Why did your ex buy her a holiday?

Is that why he's an ex?

PausingFlatly · 23/03/2016 14:45

No, absolutely not.

You're on ESA, that £600 is your entire emergency fund for the foreseeable future.

You know those MN Goady Fuckers who start threads about their next door neighbour raking it in on disability benefits and having foreign holidays? That may be your friend, imagining you're rich now.

And I say all this as someone who does lend to friends, but only when I can afford to lose it.

CakeNinja · 23/03/2016 14:46

To echo everyone else, don't lend it if you aren't prepared to lose it forever.

ExitPursuedByABear · 23/03/2016 14:46

He didn't.

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