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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be really weirded out by this?

112 replies

Abbbinob · 23/03/2016 10:35

Came accross porn dp had been watching, was all teen porn which whilst creepy usually does just mean women in their 20s dressed a bit younger.but the one he had watched the most is this shy Angela girl and it's disgusting she looks very young and her adverts have like her lying in little bed with Winnie the pooh teddies,lollypops etc and dressed like an 8 year old. Apparently this isn't fucking gross because she apparently is 18and I'm overreacting Hmm I'm actually shocked this kind of stuff is allowed on mainstream sites how the fuck is this normal

OP posts:
Birthgeek · 23/03/2016 12:22

Alexa444 said: "I had a bf a few years ago who said something like that about teen porn. I asked him why he watched it and he said " yeah but it isn't really a kid. Look she's got boobs and hips, she doesn't even really look like a kid." So I said well what's the point then? And he said " if she really looked that young it would put me well off. It'd be sick."

Where's the line? Girls are going through puberty earlier now. Many 12 / 13 year olds have boobs and hips - why is there this perception that it's ok if they're 'developed' but less ok if they look pre-pubescent?

By the way - I don't think anything seemingly depicting the under 16s is ok, even if it's acting and the individual looks 'developed'.

But this is a sidetrack...

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 23/03/2016 12:46

Abbbibob is it something you think he would talk to you about? It certainly sounds like he might feel he missed out in his teenaged years, and I know some people for whom that would be quite a powerful draw to "revisit" them. I don't expect he'll start pouring his heart out or anything but you might find the discussion helps you feel more comfortable, or indeed to agree a compromise over his porn use you're both happy with?

As for looking at porn after an argument, I'm not sure that's as terminal as others might think. It's like "I feel bad so I'm going to go and make myself feel better". Not all that surprising. But if there's other stuff and this is just a drop in a bigger ocean then that's a different thing.

Capricorn76 · 23/03/2016 12:49

When someone tells you who they are, listen. Run from this man.

Birthgeek · 23/03/2016 13:01

His teenage years might be an explanation, it might not.

What it is not, however, is an excuse for his emotional abuse :- lying, using 'porn' as a weapon, and getting off on decidedly dodgy (at best) material. I hope he didn't coerce you into an unwanted abortion rather than helping you to get admitted or find support.

NotAnotherNameChangeAgain · 23/03/2016 13:03

Get some screen shots OP as proof. I know that sounds awful but...Just in case.
If you're worried about leaving your little one with him and about custody, you could end up needing them.

Even without overthinking it; this raises HUGE red flags to me. Huge.

milkysmum · 23/03/2016 13:08

What the fuck-just Google this and feel sick. I don't care if she is over 18 she look about 10!

sianihedgehog · 23/03/2016 13:10

There's absolutely nothing wrong with having minimum standards for what sort of man you want to be with. I can't imagine this guy meeting anyone's.

Throwingshadeagain · 23/03/2016 13:23

This thread has really upset me. If this is real then please leave this man OP.

theredjellybean · 23/03/2016 13:34

red flags for me too....

plus wtf...you had a termination because the morning sickness was so bad you couldn't look after the toddler....umm....was that your idea OP ? were you happy about it ? if so absolutely your choice and i do understand as had thoughts of TOP when experiencing hyperemesis...but if it wasnt your idea or you were not happy ...where was this man ? why wasn't he supporting you /caring for toddler etc.

TheOptimisticPessimist · 23/03/2016 13:37

I couldn't be with someone that looked at 'teen' porn. I read something the other day about a guy that was arrested (it wasn't in the UK) for looking at porn featuring Little Lupe back in 2009. She was over 18 but she looked so young that doctors attested to the fact she HAD to be underage. The charges were dropped when she arrived with her passport as proof of age. That's how young some of the women in these videos look. Paediatricians are willing to testify in court that in their experience only a child looks like that.

To make the issue worse, they bill it as 'teen' porn but it's so far removed from what older teens are like. When I googled the woman from the court case she was in photos sucking lollies in kids pjs with her hair in bunches. I also saw an interview with her (she's now a do or something) and she has an incredibly high 'cutesy' (l.e. Little girl sounding) voice. It was utterly horrendous and in no way indicative of what a 'teen' is like. They are not pretending to be teens. They are pretending to be children. So even if someone justifies watching it by saying they're imagining they are a teen too and are just reliving fantasies from that age, it's still goddamned disturbing.

I just cannot see a justification for it.
'She's overage though' doesn't excuse it. She could be 45 for all I care, but she looks and is acting like a preteen. If men watch porn because they enjoy the visual aspect of it (as is so often used as the go to justification) then they're getting turned on by the fact she looks like a child, or at 'best', because she looks like an adult pretending to be a child. Either way it's utterly grim. It's horrible and it's sickening that this is becoming so normalised. No wonder people are so quick to call a 15 year old girl a slag and a slapper when society is painting children as sexually adventurous objects of lust.

Add to that the fact that he watches it to get back at you?! I can't even comprehend that. 'I'm going to watch videos I previously condemned as creepy because I'm pissed off at DP'... What the actual fuck is wrong with this man. I think you will be significantly better off without this man in your life.

fluffypenguinbelly · 23/03/2016 13:45

Blimey. That's not nice. She really does look like a little girl.

SlimCheesy · 23/03/2016 14:06

She looks like she is early teens to me too. But also, even if she isn't... say she IS 18 like she claims. That is a pretty sophisticated site, it is not set up by an 18 year old girl experimenting with her sexuality like she claims on the site. That is the site of someone who has been in the porn industry for some time, IMO. So even if she IS 18 now she most likely has a history there of being an exploited child.

Original poster
Abbbinob · 23/03/2016 14:18

theredjellybean- it was my idea, but it might have been different if he was a bit more supportive, he was mostly good but he got in a massive strop and started a huge argument because he had to go to work, i said fine i'll be ok with toddler, he said he felt bad though and that i should call my parents and they should have him. they a)couldn't have him and they work full time and have kids themselves so they need their sick days for when my sister is sick and b) i didn't want anyone to know i was pregnant because i was unsure what i was going to do.
he started a huge argument, shouting etc because i was "fucking up his job" even though i was happy to stay with ds, threatened to phone my mum himself etc. said i was stressing him out and doing "fuck all"
actually did piss me off a lot because we lived seperately up until then and i had done everything with ds mostly on my own so really he was complaining about doing what i had done for almost 2 years.
realistically i was getting worse not better, dr said i'd end up in hospital at some point because i couldn't drink anything and i was worried about who would look after ds if that happened so i guess it was my decision, but it may have been a different if he acted differently.

OP posts:
SlimCheesy · 23/03/2016 14:21

Not sure this chap is worth your time, OP.

theredjellybean · 23/03/2016 14:21

oh abbbinob....

thats awful.

why exactly are you with this man ?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings · 23/03/2016 14:25

He's worse and worse with every post. Please leave him Flowers

cbigs · 23/03/2016 15:17

I totally see why this is unpleasant for some people but she is clearly not a child and the 'teen porn' area is one of the most viewed. This may be vile to alot of us but I don't think this marks op's oh as a paedophile or otherwise. Whether he's just a shit partner otherwise is quite possible, but the first time or teen sex fantasy is very common and as a pp said she isn't a child being abused and absolutely does not act/look like that.
I do think while it's not my bag at all there is a massive difference. It's a fantasy because whoever watches is safe in the knowledge it's just that.

Birthgeek · 23/03/2016 16:10

the 'teen porn' area

It's not 'teen porn', that's quite different. This is a deliberate depiction of a little girl (to quote OP) " lying in little bed with Winnie the pooh teddies, lollypops etc and dressed like an 8 year old"

cbigs · 23/03/2016 16:28

I disagree really. It's like the schoolgirl fantasy . There are school girl outfits for role play etc. Which is underage but it's not the same as wanting to have sex with a child or someone underage . I get the disgust I just don't think it means what some pp are saying . And to me the teddies and set up are about innocence not being 8. She doesn't look anything like an 8 yr old .

nicenewdusters · 23/03/2016 16:49

Abbbinob; sorry, but he sounds like a truly horrible individual. Don't feel I can add anything useful to the thread, it's all actually quite sickening.

What exactly does this man bring to your life ? Read back your post as to why you decided to have a termination. It's pretty clear to an outsider what (who?) was influencing your decision.

CleopatrasDaughter · 23/03/2016 16:53

He sounds like a horrible creep Sad

cbigs · 23/03/2016 17:10

Agree with pp op. The porn aside you deserve better in a partner. Good luck Thanks

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/03/2016 17:22

Those of you who suggest the op gets screen shots,

What exactly do you think evidence of him accessing perfectly legal pornography will help her achieve?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/03/2016 17:24

But fwiw, I would be handing his laptop to a police officer as I think it's quite likely he is or has been attempting to obtain illegal images and I would be slinging him out because even if he hasn't he sounds like a arsehole

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 23/03/2016 17:48

I would be handing his laptop to a police officer as I think it's quite likely he is or has been attempting to obtain illegal images

I truly hope you wouldn't actually do this because that would be EXTREMELY UNREASONABLE