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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can't go to weddings, nights out (BF again!)

56 replies

mikado1 · 22/03/2016 20:59

My 8no is ebf and a nonsleeper, more or less, after 10pm.... I have stopped counting but he's probably feeding up to 10times a night. I am saying this not to moan or for sympathy but to give full picture.

Thing is, it means evenings out are hard to manage-running home to feed and no sleep in the tank-so I have gone to a few things that I 'had' to but really I'm not too put out, this will only be for a short time etc. I have a wedding coming up, 3hrs away, I have expressed though I find it complete drudgery and sometimes don't get a drop and whadda us know, I have a bottle, and beaker refuser. My (sorry, v long) AIBU is, why am I made to feel it can't actually be this hard to sort things when in fact he's still v much reliant on me and I can't leave him home overnight while so faraway. I have had 'I'm sure he'll take it', 'Would you give formula?' (Dont understand that suggestion when he won't Take the bloody bottle!) And 'He's on solids now. I know I can't bring him but have to be at my very good friend's wedding so now my oh going to skip wedding and hang around hotel with him so I can feed. That's fine but I know I am being seen to be making a big deal out of it and making things hard for myself Hmm I don't care how anyone feeds their baby but really feel I'm being portrayed as difficult for ebf still. Surely when a baby is still so small people should understand that it's not always easy to get back to 'normal life', whether ff or bf?

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 22/03/2016 21:02

Sorry, what exactly is your AIBU?

Original poster
mikado1 · 22/03/2016 21:07

BlushGrin Sorry.. I suppose I feel/know friends think I am being unreasonable for saying I can't leave for long spells and I think that's just life now.

OP posts:
Melawati · 22/03/2016 21:08

He will be fine for an evening with some food and water on a spoon if he won't drink from anything at all.

SpringHasNearlySprung · 22/03/2016 21:09

I'm also confused by your OP. Does your 8 month old not drink from a beaker at all? Are you still feeding 10 times a night? Your OP isn't very clear tbh.

Waltermittythesequel · 22/03/2016 21:09

It's life for now because it's the parenting decision you're making for your child and it's a perfectly valid one.

There may be people who think you're being difficult. Just as if you had FF there'd be people thinking you're poisoning your child.

Try not to let it bother you. It will pass!

Smartiepants79 · 22/03/2016 21:10

Is that 8 weeks or 8 months??
At 8 weeks you are of course not being unreasonable at all.
At 8 months I would perhaps be very much hoping to be feeding a lot less than that!! And be able to be away for a few hours for something that mattered to me.
My babies were both exclusively breast fed until they weaned at 14 months or so. They were on solids by 8 months and maybe feeding 6 times in a 24 hr period.
10 times a night is an awful lot, I would be really struggling to cope with that level of sleep deprivation.
However reading what you've said, what your proposing is completely reasonable. I wouldn't have been able to leave my 8 month old over night and as I said she was only feeding 1/2 between 7-7.
I think you need to try and forget/ignore what anyone else maybe thinking about your choices. Your happy with them and unless anyone is rude enough to say anything I'd just get on and do your thing.

Gotosleep123 · 22/03/2016 21:10

Yanbu unresonable in my opinion, I'm in the same position!Smile

kittentits · 22/03/2016 21:14

I'm having pretty much exactly the same problem except my baby is 1 so people are even less understanding. "Well he won't starve, he eats proper food" well yes but he also wakes up every few hours and the ONLY WAY he will settle again is breastfeeding. It's not about being hungry it's about comfort.

What's really annoying is when it's child free people who say it will be fine and they don't know what the problem is Angry

Only1scoop · 22/03/2016 21:14

When is the wedding?

So is your Dh just going to stay in the venue with the baby instead of being an actual guest? Could you take someone with you so that he can attend with you?

percythepenguin · 22/03/2016 21:15

Yanbu DS2 is 5 months and is my second EBF bottle/cup refusing baby, a lot of people really don't seem to understand the whole bottle refusing thing!

Freezingwinter · 22/03/2016 21:16

At 8 months my little boy was still feeding that much through the night too. He didn't eat much solid food and relied very much on me!

TrainBridge · 22/03/2016 21:23

YANBU.

But, if you want to try it, my ebf bottle-refuser went to sleep for dad. Refused a bottle, had cuddles, went to sleep. Most irritating, given she wouldn't for me, but if you have a partner who's up for a potentially screamy night then it's definitely worth a go.

He had bottle / cup / sling / white noise CD / all sorts of stuff lined up to try, but didn't need them.

I was just half an hour away and came back later in the evening, but sneaked in so she didn't know I was there until morning.

Walkthroughthefire · 22/03/2016 21:24

YANBU, I have a bottle refuser too (although he's now 21m so no longer fed by me) and non-sleeper. At 8 months he's still very little and possibly going through growth spurts, hence all the feeding. It was around 11 months our feeds dropped off.
Unfortunately some people just don't get it if their baby wasn't like this.
You have to do what makes you comfortable and in the grand scheme of things it is for a very short period of time but don't let others opinions push you into doing something you're not comfortable with. It won't last forever (then you'll have another one!)

Original poster
mikado1 · 22/03/2016 21:28

Thank you all, you're right, I need to not care so much as I have happily signed up for this. He takes a beaker for water but won't drink off 7oz or whatever as a feed iykwim. Yes 8months! It all reversed spectacularly at 4mo. They are quick feeds but he only settles for maybe 30-60 mins.. we will get there but yes, the long-term sleep deprivation is awful-an excuse for my confused op! I do feel anxious about looking difficult and yet couldn't be bothered with any more thankless expressing and persisting with it just for one day. He is eating fairly well but only finger food so not taking large amounts I as yet. Unfortunately we have no one who Wil travel 3hrs away and do an overnight. It would be 24hrs if I was to leave him so imo it's impossible to do that.

OP posts:
LeanneBattersby · 22/03/2016 21:31

All three of mine have fed through the night at that age. It's not abnormal.

If you don't want to leave your baby, then don't. I haven't left any of mine until they were quite a bit older than that because they've been physically dependent on me to get back to sleep. That's how babies have been since time began. Some babies are not, they sleep much better, and that's also fine and normal. It's nobody else's business, surely, if you don't want to leave the baby at that age? Just say no, I don't want to leave the baby yet.

SylviaWrath · 22/03/2016 21:32

I think you're being a bit ingenuous here, and probably with your friends, which is why they say what they do.
You choose to ebf, you choose not to go out much, you choose to parent your way. Thats all perfectly fine. But if you're saying that its the way it is and there is nothing you can do and its not your choice....thats when people will tell you you're making a bit of a fuss and making life hard for yourself. Sounds like you're being a bit martyrish when talking about it all to people.
An 8 month old doesn't need to feed 10 times a night. If you are happy to do so that is up to you, but its your choice. You could make a different choice if you want to.

LeanneBattersby · 22/03/2016 21:34

Also, I've never bothered with expressing. What a compete bloody ballache that is.

I didn't want to arse about expressing for weeks to get enough to store, then trying all kinds of sorcery to get the bottle-refusers to somehow take a bottle for a couple of hours 'out' yawning and not drinking because I'll be up 10 times in the night with the baby while everyone else has a blast. Seriously, who can be bothered with all that?

LeanneBattersby · 22/03/2016 21:35

Sylvia all mine have 'needed' to feed that much at 8 months. Not necessarily for hunger (although who can tell with a non-verbal baby) but certainly for comfort. They wouldn't be settled any other way and I wasn't prepared to let them cry for any length of time.

Original poster
mikado1 · 22/03/2016 21:39

I am sure I have been talking about it too much sylvia, you're right, but it's out of my own anxiety that it will be ok i.e. originally that he would take bottle. I am not sure what you mean mean anotger choice unless you mean I could have combine fed or expressed earlier? No point in saying that now! I don't think I am being martyrish as it's only come over others asking me about utcand me over explaining the ins and outs, hoping someone will understand and say what other pps have said up thread. Literally no one has said those things in RL.

OP posts:
Original poster
mikado1 · 22/03/2016 21:42

Leanne that's it exactly 're expressing and yawning while out! And also yy, when not fully established on solid I would hate to not feed him when he coukd be hungry. He is very curious/nosey as well so his daytime feeds are v quick.

OP posts:
SylviaWrath · 22/03/2016 21:42

Just because they've formed that habit, and you've let them, doesn't mean they need it. They need to sleep more than an hour at a time, which they can't be doing if they feed ten times a night.

Like I said, you choose not to do anything about it. Which is fine, your baby, your life, up to you. The only difference is that its not that you can't go out, its that you choose not to.

miraclebabyplease · 22/03/2016 21:42

My currently 13 month old dd is very much a night feeder. From evening until morning she is very clingy to me. We have tried everything. She also refuses milk from anything other than boob. I have spent hundreds of pounds and many hours trying to change this. I am just trying to tell myself it is just a phase. Hard though when people pass judgement on your family just to suit their desires x

trilbydoll · 22/03/2016 21:46

Yep, my 10mo is a bottle refuser. Since 6mo she's had no boob all morning and she still won't take more than 30ml Grin

She eats well and she wouldn't starve but it's not fair on whoever I leave her with. We are driving back from a wedding 2hrs away next Sat because otherwise my father in law would be sat up awake all night with her asleep on him!

Yes, it's my choice, but I'm not sure what other option I realistically have.

Headofthehive55 · 22/03/2016 21:52

Yanbu

Mine were bottle refuseniks too. People just think we'll it'll be ok what's the fuss...but you will be the one sorting it out later.

I had people so adamant that they would come to no harm...one of mine was such a refuser she ended up on a drip in hospital. Extreme case I know!

Babies are so different, one if my friends could ebm easily and baby took it like a dream but she'd had a difficult birth and ended up with a emergency CS. Meanwhile I delivered easily but couldn't do the ebm thing. It's just luck I think!

Headofthehive55 · 22/03/2016 21:54

Time cures it. Just like most things. Once I'd accepted that I was to be in the company of my baby solidly for a few months more , I planned differently and it was never a problem. I can hardly remember it now!