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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not send Ds 3 and 6 on school trip (2 nights)

88 replies

Pasanna · 22/03/2016 18:38

Ds's school are organising a two night three day trip to the seaside in April. I am really reluctant to send them, ds2 is 3 and I think too young to go and ds1 is just 6 and had a terrible experience last year on an overnight trip with school, to the extend that he made himself sick with crying for the following few days everytime I talked to him about it. So I didn't return the forms to authorising them to go.

Tonight at school I was handed the forms and lists with everything they needed for this trip. I told Ds 2 's teacher that we didn't want them to go, to which she was really surprised. Cut a long story short, she said they would be missing out on an enriching experience and that all the class were going. Activities have been organised for the rest of the year around the outing. AIBU to keep them at home,I really don't know if I'm being overprotective. BTW school is in France.

OP posts:

Earlyday · 22/03/2016 22:05

I wouldn't care if it was the norm in the country I was on- I would not feel pressured to send either of my children at all - especially the 3 yr old. It seems bizarre. I pity the teachers taking away a group of 3 yr olds overnight

mummytime · 22/03/2016 22:18

I just knew it was France from the title.
No I wouldn't let my 3 year old go on a trip away, I'm not sure I'd let my 6 year old either (especially if they'd tried it and been unhappy).

Here in the UK my DCs Primary does a lot of residentials. It starts as : going into school in PJs for "bedtime story" 4-7, I night sleepover year 3 (so 7&8), 2 nights camping year 4 (8&9), 3 nights at an activity centre year 5 (9&10), 4 nights further away year 6 (10 &11).
Quite a few children have camped or been away before the first school trips, with Beavers or Rainbows/Brownies.

And you always are going to be a bit "weird" being British, so you might as well do what you feel happy with.

NoraLouca · 22/03/2016 22:29

I am in France too, DD1 went on a 2 night trip with school when she was 5. She cried when they were setting off but once she came home she seemed quite happy - they'd done quite a few activities, slept in bunkbeds, etc. I would happily have let her stay at home but all her friends were going and she didn't want to be the only one left out! DD2 was only 4 then, and didn't want to go so stayed at home. I think she was the only one in her year who didn't go, but I don't regret it and neither did she. If you can't opt to stay with Maman when you're four, when can you

They are now 8 and 9 and have been on a week-long residential trip which they both really enjoyed.

All the other parents I spoke too found the trips perfectly normal, lots of 'It'll do them good' etc.

fassbendersmistress · 22/03/2016 22:33

No. Just no. To the 3yo.
I just dread to think what my 3yo might get up to (not saying the teachers wouldn't be watching him but I couldn't relax for imagining the possible chaos)...and bedtIme...again, I wouldn't sleep for 2 nights stressing about how he was coping. Not worth it.

Your 6yo...this might be a case of accepting he lives in a culturally different world to the one you grew up,in. But honestly, follow your instincts as a mum. Are all the other kids in his year going? If they are perhaps encourage it. I personally would keep him home this year and then do a few sleepovers with friends so he gets used to the idea and doesn't feel left behind (if all his peers have done nights away from home)

KERALA1 · 22/03/2016 22:36

Obviously no. And also baffled as to why on earth the school would want to do this.

Only1scoop · 22/03/2016 22:38

2 nights away for a 3 year old and he's the only one in the class not going?

Blimey

BertrandRussell · 23/03/2016 08:12

As I said earlier- this would be entirely normal for my Spanish family.

Cleanermaidcook · 23/03/2016 16:45

My 3 year old would go over my dead body!! far too young. The 6 year old - it would depend on them as an individual. I recently let my 7 year old go on an overnight stay with brownies and she loved it and was fine but if I'd have thought she wouldn't cope well then I'd have said no.
Is the trip near enough so that you could go rescue yr ds if he wanted to come home?

girlandboy · 23/03/2016 16:45

I let my 8 year old DS go on a 2 night school trip away. I got a phone call at midnight on the first night because he was so distraught. Good job he was only a few miles away because I had to go and fetch him back.

No way would a 3 and 6 year old of mine be going on a residential trip. YANBU

JustCallMeDory · 23/03/2016 16:48

OP - I've lived in France, but I'd still say go with your instincts.

If you're worried about 'ongoing work' for the rest of the term, then why don't you all do a day trip or weekend to the seaside together. Ask the teachers what they'll be doing on the residential (rock pooling? identifying sea / sea shore creatures? whatever) and make sure you chat to your DC about all these things while you're there. Job done!

BarbarianMum · 23/03/2016 16:50

Age 3 - no, never. Age 6 - if they wanted to (I would hate it though).

Mandymops · 23/03/2016 16:55

3 on a school trip!!!!! Have I read this wrong? I was a laid back to the point of comatose mum when mine was little, but no, just no. Is it even allowed?

PuntCuffin · 23/03/2016 16:58

My sons' school do a 2 night residential in Y2. It is late in the year so most are 7, DD2 won't be. He is still in Y1 now but they have already started talking to them about it to prepare them and he is really looking forward to it with over a year to go.

I admit that when DS1 one went, I was a little concerned about it and he was old for his year. Having had one do it, I am utterly unconcerned.

Three does seem young but if it is a small group with high staff ratio and the child wants to go, why not?

TwllBach · 23/03/2016 16:59

I don't have DC yet but would definitely not consider sending my 3yo.

I am also a nursery teacher and would definitely not consider taking 3yos

IdealWeather · 23/03/2016 17:04

The thing to remember though is that, because it's in France, the whole of the school year WILL be organised around what the entire class has done during the trip.
The fact the teacher was surprised is because it's very rare for parents to not send their dcs to a school trip like this.

So I Would want to ask myself, how your dcs are going to feel when day in day out, tthat trip will be mentioned, comments will be made, expecting everyone to know wthat when xx happened, the yy happened or that they all saw that xxx?
The effect you eed to take into account isn't just the trip but also what is going to happen afterwards.

Fwiw I think you are wrong to ask people on here about it. Culturally, it's not normal to have residential trips with a 3yo here so of course people will agree with you.
However, you aren't in the uk. Rules and societal expectations are different. You will have to accept them if you want your dcs to be integrated.

Aeroflotgirl · 23/03/2016 17:08

No I woulden't send a 3 year old away, they are still too little.

OnlyLovers · 23/03/2016 17:13

despite no parental authorisation to go away with school, he's been told which room he will be sleeping in and who he will be sharing with.

That's outrageous. I'd have it out with the school, personally.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 23/03/2016 17:13

No way in hell. The 6yo would be borderline if the destination was within 20 miles and accommodation /supervision suitable for one night only.

I'm fascinated though - where are they proposing to stay? 3yr olds in a hostel, old boarding school or with a religious order?

girlandboy · 23/03/2016 17:14

Yes that happened with my DS because he didn't go. He didn't give a monkey's about the comments afterwards.

aintnothinbutagstring · 23/03/2016 17:20

I'd let a 6yr old go, if the rest of terms schoolwork revolved around the trip, no other parents had objections and it generally appears to be part of French culture... when in Rome and all that. I definitely wouldn't allow a 3yr old to go, no way.

feathermucker · 23/03/2016 17:21

3 year old?! Really? That's bizarre!

I'd let a 6 year old go, dependent upon if I felt they could cope with it. I think the 6 year old should be encouraged to go if his fears can be dealt with and reassurance provided.

Is this on the continent somewhere as you speak about Euros?

BoffinMum · 23/03/2016 17:22

I have heard the French do this sort of thing. Mine would not be going at the age of 3. At 6 I might consider it.

Notso · 23/03/2016 17:23

Oh I read about these trips in the French Children Don't Throw Food book.
From reading the book I was sold on the idea but in RL I don't think I could send my three year old. He is still in nappies at night and regularly gets into our bed.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 23/03/2016 17:25

DS1 - possibly OK but DS2 - a 3 yr old? No fucking way.

MimiLaBonq1 · 23/03/2016 17:30

I have only heard of primary level schools in France so CP and upwards doing residential trips. My maternelle don't and neither do any of the other local ones. I wouldn't send a PS (3/4) child on a school trip but would possibly at an older age than that depending on the kid.

Is there any way you can offer to accompany them? Parents (just a few) go on school trips with our local primaire.

I would definitely try and work uot a way for your 6yo to go - it would surely be good to move past what happened last time. Is his teacher sympathetic to how it went last time round?

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