To not send Ds 3 and 6 on school trip (2 nights)

[Pasanna]

Ds's school are organising a two night three day trip to the seaside in April. I am really reluctant to send them, ds2 is 3 and I think too young to go and ds1 is just 6 and had a terrible experience last year on an overnight trip with school, to the extend that he made himself sick with crying for the following few days everytime I talked to him about it. So I didn't return the forms to authorising them to go.

Tonight at school I was handed the forms and lists with everything they needed for this trip. I told Ds 2 's teacher that we didn't want them to go, to which she was really surprised. Cut a long story short, she said they would be missing out on an enriching experience and that all the class were going. Activities have been organised for the rest of the year around the outing. AIBU to keep them at home,I really don't know if I'm being overprotective. BTW school is in France.

[Bexcat71]

All the Brits will say don't send them. I live in Catalonia, NE Spain and this is common here too, though disappearing as not all parents can afford these trips. My daughter's school went when she was 4, but she didn't go. She chose to go at 5 for 2 nights. My son also started at 5. They've been going every 2 years throughout primary. At first I thought it was inhuman, but have grown to think that it can be a growth/enhancing experience. Not sure if I would send the 3 y.o...2 nights is a long time when you are 3. .I would let the older child decide, if the last experience was so bad, maybe he doesn't want to go again...or maybe he doesn't want to be the only one not to go. They have special monitors so the teachers don't have to work so hard. It is a highly organized, lucrative business. Also here, the whole thing is designed for the kids to have fun, non-stop activities, night hikes with torches, staying up super late, none of that British in bed by 7.

[slebmum1]

The 3yo absolutely no way. I can't imagine being a teacher in that trip either.

[IdealWeather]

I agree Boobz and being in the UK I thought it was a real shame that my dcs didn't get to experience these residential trips much earlier than age 11yo in Y6. I just organised something similar for them myself Ime, they have fun, are building their independence and learn about the wider world in a way that children dn't when they are always with their parents.

Having said that there is one school in my town (in the UK) who does residential from Y4 and wo any issues at all.

[Boobz]

Sparkly not every parent is being a sheep - some actually think it's a good idea to send their kids on these trips... My DD aged 6 will be going on one next month, and it's because she wants to and I think she'll have fun, not because I, or any of the other parents who are sending their DC, are a sheep.

[Sparklyglitter]

No way! More fool the other parents who are just being sheep!
They are very young to be going away for a two night trip and it sounds like you have thought through this carefully and the school can give you some ideas about what they are doing on the trip and you could maybe do some or all of these with your children.
Good Luck!! 😀

[upthegardenpath]

Trust your gut instinct 100% OP - you know your kids best and I agree, 3 and 6 is far too young.
What kind of school does this sort of thing anyway?! At our school, they have their first residential (5 night) trip away in Y6 (aged 10-11) and it's the same all over our borough!

[Hygellig]

My daughter is three and there's no way I can imagine her going on a residential school trip! She hasn't even spent a night at my mum's yet and needs me to cuddle her to sleep most nights and often wakes up distressed in the night. DS's school do a day trip to a farm for the Nursery children in the spring term when they are three and four, which sounds quite enough.

Six is still very young for a residential trip but might just about be OK - I went away for a week on a PGL holiday when I was seven, not knowing anyone else on the trip, and was fine, as far as I can remember. I would stand your ground and not do anything you don't feel comfortable with, even if it's the norm in France.

[thethoughtfox]

Apparently this is quite normal in France

[nowanearlyNicemum]

I'm also in France and both of my DDs went on residential trips with the rest of their class at the age of 5 (grande section). It was from Monday morning to Friday afternoon and they both absolutely loved it all (I cried myself to sleep every night!!). DD1 then went on to have two other 5-day trips aged 6 and 9. DD2 is thoroughly put out that she hasn't been offered any other such trips since (she's now 9) and has everything crossed that she might get another one for her final year in primary next year.
As many others have said, don't be bullied into anything. These are your children - it's your decision. I'm amazed that any teachers are brave/crazy enough to take kids away in Petite Section aged 3!!
Good luck making your decision.

[BayLeaves]

I don't know, Madame Gazelle single handedly took a whole preschool nursery group on a camping trip in one episode of Peppa Pig. They did all end up in her tent though.

[Robin2008]

YANBU. I am in Belgium where they have a bit of French-style education so I have seen young kids going on school trips too. Usually the trips here start when they are 6 or 7, sometimes a year earlier (so: a class of school kids who are 5 or 6). My just 7 year old went last year for the first time and loved it. But a 3 year old?? That's crazy. If your 6 year old had a terrible time last year, I would not send him this year either. I can totally envision how the teacher has treated you - I see it here too. It's all to do with 'becoming independent' but I believe there's a time and place for that! Listen to your gut. Your kids can live without this school trip, there will be lots more in the years to come!! (Btw I have a friend here who teaches 6-7 year old kids. She says most are OK on the first night of the trip, but several cry on the second night. The kids say to her 'I really love you miss, but you are not my mummy'!! She finds them too young too but it's how the system is here, nothing she can do.) I just want to say 'courage', it's hard to stand up to teachers like yours!

[MimiLaBonq1]

You have to remember that it is very common in France for kids to be sent off to stay with relatives during school holidays. Most French people seem none the worst for it - in fact many seem to have ntohing but happy memories of holidays with the grandparents.

But it is always odd for expats, and we tend not to do the sending the kids off for extended stays from toddler age.

That said I still think petite section (3/4) is too young for an overnight school trip with no relatives.

[popmimiboo]

I'm in France too and also just knew from the title that you were!
My DD went on a "classe de mer" aged 5. I was horrified, especially as it was originally supposed to be 5 days! I did let her go when budget restrictions made them reduce it to 3 days (2 nights.) Lots of mums were outraged that it was shorter than expected and moaned that it was barely worth them going for such a short time!
Anyway, at 5, DD had a nice time, no tears and, yes, the whole class went and, yes, they spent all year working on sea animals and the like.

I would, however, have said NON, PAS QUESTION at 3!!! He probably won't even realise he's missed out. I would also say no for a 6 year old who's not 100% keen on going.

I've had 3 DC through the French system, eldest is now in lycée, and have learnt to be extremely assertive in expressing myself and not being bulldozed into things because "c'est comme ça en France."

[MimiLaBonq1]

I have only heard of primary level schools in France so CP and upwards doing residential trips. My maternelle don't and neither do any of the other local ones. I wouldn't send a PS (3/4) child on a school trip but would possibly at an older age than that depending on the kid.

Is there any way you can offer to accompany them? Parents (just a few) go on school trips with our local primaire.

I would definitely try and work uot a way for your 6yo to go - it would surely be good to move past what happened last time. Is his teacher sympathetic to how it went last time round?

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

DS1 - possibly OK but DS2 - a 3 yr old? No fucking way.

[Notso]

Oh I read about these trips in the French Children Don't Throw Food book.
From reading the book I was sold on the idea but in RL I don't think I could send my three year old. He is still in nappies at night and regularly gets into our bed.

[BoffinMum]

I have heard the French do this sort of thing. Mine would not be going at the age of 3. At 6 I might consider it.

[feathermucker]

3 year old?! Really? That's bizarre!

I'd let a 6 year old go, dependent upon if I felt they could cope with it. I think the 6 year old should be encouraged to go if his fears can be dealt with and reassurance provided.

Is this on the continent somewhere as you speak about Euros?

[aintnothinbutagstring]

I'd let a 6yr old go, if the rest of terms schoolwork revolved around the trip, no other parents had objections and it generally appears to be part of French culture... when in Rome and all that. I definitely wouldn't allow a 3yr old to go, no way.

[girlandboy]

So I Would want to ask myself, how your dcs are going to feel when day in day out, tthat trip will be mentioned, comments will be made, expecting everyone to know wthat when xx happened, the yy happened or that they all saw that xxx?

Yes that happened with my DS because he didn't go. He didn't give a monkey's about the comments afterwards.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

No way in hell. The 6yo would be borderline if the destination was within 20 miles and accommodation /supervision suitable for one night only.

I'm fascinated though - where are they proposing to stay? 3yr olds in a hostel, old boarding school or with a religious order?

[OnlyLovers]

despite no parental authorisation to go away with school, he's been told which room he will be sleeping in and who he will be sharing with.

That's outrageous. I'd have it out with the school, personally.

[Aeroflotgirl]

No I woulden't send a 3 year old away, they are still too little.

[IdealWeather]

The thing to remember though is that, because it's in France, the whole of the school year WILL be organised around what the entire class has done during the trip.
The fact the teacher was surprised is because it's very rare for parents to not send their dcs to a school trip like this.

So I Would want to ask myself, how your dcs are going to feel when day in day out, tthat trip will be mentioned, comments will be made, expecting everyone to know wthat when xx happened, the yy happened or that they all saw that xxx?
The effect you eed to take into account isn't just the trip but also what is going to happen afterwards.

Fwiw I think you are wrong to ask people on here about it. Culturally, it's not normal to have residential trips with a 3yo here so of course people will agree with you.
However, you aren't in the uk. Rules and societal expectations are different. You will have to accept them if you want your dcs to be integrated.

[TwllBach]

I don't have DC yet but would definitely not consider sending my 3yo.

I am also a nursery teacher and would definitely not consider taking 3yos