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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not send Ds 3 and 6 on school trip (2 nights)

88 replies

Pasanna · 22/03/2016 18:38

Ds's school are organising a two night three day trip to the seaside in April. I am really reluctant to send them, ds2 is 3 and I think too young to go and ds1 is just 6 and had a terrible experience last year on an overnight trip with school, to the extend that he made himself sick with crying for the following few days everytime I talked to him about it. So I didn't return the forms to authorising them to go.

Tonight at school I was handed the forms and lists with everything they needed for this trip. I told Ds 2 's teacher that we didn't want them to go, to which she was really surprised. Cut a long story short, she said they would be missing out on an enriching experience and that all the class were going. Activities have been organised for the rest of the year around the outing. AIBU to keep them at home,I really don't know if I'm being overprotective. BTW school is in France.

OP posts:
NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 22/03/2016 19:06

No way would I let a three year old go at all!!! Much too young for anything like s school residential!

If the six year old wanted to go and had previously coped well with overnights I would probably agree. But in your situation no way. He needs to build his confidence up more gradually and over time, one might with you within easy distance if needed, maybe just sleepovers with one or two friends at first.

I take brownies and guides away regularly, and have had 12 year olds who weren't able to stay away from home overnight but although at that age I might try and convince them (and offer a less scary alternative like just one night) I would never force the issue. With the younger ones (still older than yours tho) I wouldn't query it tbh

Yadnbu at all to not send them!

Pipbin · 22/03/2016 19:06

Having taken Reception and Nursery children on trips I have to say that there is no way that I would entertain taking them for an overnight trip.
Many nursery children can't toilet themselves. Let alone the number who have never stayed anywhere overnight without a parent.

miwelaisjacydo · 22/03/2016 19:08

Just seen your in France! Quite normal in France to go on trips from around age four. Well according to the pen pal I had at 14!

Boobz · 22/03/2016 19:08

Are your kids in a French school?

It is normal for children in CP1 (aged 6-7) to go on a school trip in the Spring term for 3 or 4 nights. DD1 will be going on her school trip with the rest of her class later on in May. I have no problems with this.

But I think 3 years old is too young, personally.

bakeoffcake · 22/03/2016 19:09

YANBU

What a truly ridiculous idea. Shock

Boobz · 22/03/2016 19:13

Oh yes just re-read your OP that you are in France. All very normal I think from aged 6 but didn't realise they did trips younger. Our kids are in the French school but we are based in Rome so perhaps maybe that's why it only starts at aged 6 rather than 3 here (I can't imagine the Italian mothers letting their children go any younger!)

There is a talk at the school where the parents are encouraged to send the children - if more than 2 or 3 don't go, the whole class doesn't go, as the work is set around the trip and thus it would be too hard to manage for the kids that didn't go. So there is a lot of cajoling around the reluctant parents to send them so that everyone gets the trip away.

DD is very excited. I think she's going to have a ball! But DD2 might be less enthusiastic next year when it's her turn - she has some anxiety issues which might make it hard for her. I am hoping she grows out of her worries and will enjoy it like I'm sure her sister will, but we'll have to wait and see how she is next year.

Pasanna · 22/03/2016 19:14

Miwelaisjacydo I'm in France, Ds are bilingual, or nearly.

Notmenotyou... That's exactly what I thought for ds1, that he needed to build up his confidence, and although he is bilingual, dh is French, he does have some language difficulties, mixing up French and English. It was when the teacher started to talk about erasing his negative experience with a positive one, how he had grown since last year and the difference that would make, that I started to wobble.

OP posts:
bananafish · 22/03/2016 19:25

I think 3 is far too young. And six is quite doubtful as well, although it would really depend on the child.

I am not surprised that you are in France. My French in-laws think I am bonkers and ridiculously over protective with the children, whereas I am like this Shock at the things they think I should let them do. My MiL was actually shouting at me because I wouldn't let the then 2 (nearly 3) yr roam around the village they live in, unsupervised. Apparently I was being unreasonable. I just ignored her - honestly, what was she thinking?

But they do seem to assume that very young children are quite independent and parent accordingly. It doesn't work for me.

PenelopeChipShop · 22/03/2016 19:34

At age 3??!!! Absolutely crazy!! My 3yo still needs a nappy at night and sometimes even wakes and needs settling - rarely, but would certainly do it in an unfamiliar place and no way would be settled by a teacher.

I can't believe the teachers WANT to take nursery aged kids away! Can't really comment on 6yos as don't have one yet but I'd agree with you he needs more time after a bad experience. Stand your ground!

Sprink · 22/03/2016 19:39

I assume you're British, OP, and that your French husband doesn't have an issue with this trip? Was the trip that upset your 6yo also with this French school?

It's a tricky one, as French schools and attitude to children's upbringing is remarkably different from the UK.

There is a lot to be said for the benefits of the cadre (in this case through shared residential trip). The French rely on it heavily as a social compact, with child-rearing as much as anything else. They "do" individuality but often seem far too insistent about conformity. (This is a generalisation and not intended to insult anyone; I am part French).

The benefits can be manyautonomy, adventure, huge opportunities for learning... I'm not expressing it well but it's a source of amusement that the same French mother who will allow her 3yo on an overnight trip will also be ironing his "favourite t-shirt" t-shirt! -- when he returns to his provincial home each weekend from his job in finance in Paris. (I'm looking at you, Tata Marie-André.)

The point is I don't think sending children on these trips proves a lack of caring or protective instinct from the French parents. They will be struggling, and some of their children will be feeling anxious as well. It's just very, very different because they have experience to tell them it can be wonderful, in the end, and best for the children.

You're going to get many "no way" responses here because it's virtually unheard of in the UK. Please remember that all the other children going on this trip will probably turn out quite alright--if anyone can do it well, the French nursery/school system can.

That said, it's quite obviously your decision to make on behalf of your own children, and cottage visit for the family sounds lovely.

Best of luck.

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 22/03/2016 19:58

My 8 year old should be on a 2 night school trip today. She didn't want to go and was the only one in her year that hadn't gone.

She was so distressed just thinking about it, we made the decision together she wasn't going.

Are you in the UK as an overnight trip for kids that young rounds strange.

There is no way I'd have let her go away that age.

Booboostwo · 22/03/2016 20:04

I'm also in France, DD is 4.5yo (moyene section) and her teacher asked us what we thought about an overnight trip. All the parents were positive, DD said she really wanted to go but it has not been raised again. I think I would have let her go as it was one night and nearby so that I could go collect her if needed. What do your DCs think? Does either one want to go?

Having said that DD's best friend's mum keeps offering to take DD in their camper van for the weekend and I am not happy with that.

Pasanna · 22/03/2016 20:23

So, I've been talking to ds1 and he really wants to go on the trip to be with his friends BUT I don't think he realises what 2 nights away from home will be like. He's only been away for 1 night from us, my parents are in the UK and his French GM is very.......old fashioned. I' m also quite cross with his teacher because despite no parental authorisation to go away with school, he's been told which room he will be sleeping in and who he will be sharing with. DH is now leaning towards letting him go saying we will be "isolating" him from his friends if he doesn't go. We are however both in agreement that ds2 will stay with us.

OP posts:
Chocolatteaddict1 · 22/03/2016 20:25

What school take a three year old on an over night trip for two days?? Hmm

Ilovenannyplum · 22/03/2016 20:31

YANBU

Don't send them, no way, too little.
A 3yr old and a 6yr old?! Nooooooo no way

That's a no from me incase that wasn't clear Grin

dementedpixie · 22/03/2016 20:31

They don't do residential trips at ds's school until they are in primary 7 so age 11ish. No way would I send at 3 or 6

allegretto · 22/03/2016 20:32

I agree with you.

Toffeewhirl · 22/03/2016 20:37

I think they are both too young; certainly, it seem madness to take the younger one away on a school trip. My DS2 is 10 and we are refusing to send him on a four-night school trip abroad. He is absolutely not ready for it and really doesn't want to go. We have had conversations with him about how he might feel left out when all his friends go, but he remains firm. In spite of pressure from the teacher, we are supporting him. Like you, I was annoyed to discover that DS and his class were all told how exciting the trip was going to be, long before any parents had given their permission (or not) for their child to go.

ThomasRichard · 22/03/2016 20:48

I have DC the same age. If my 6yo wanted to go then I would let him. No way would I be sending my 3yo though. She still toddles into my room most nights for a cuddle!

PurpleCrazyHorse · 22/03/2016 20:50

I think if it's the norm in France and DS wants to go then I'd big it up, be really positive and send him. It it possible he could be the only one not going in that case. I might have a back up plan to collect him if necessary though.

I wouldn't send a 3yo regardless of norms.

Ickythumpsmum · 22/03/2016 21:30

pasana we are also in France and it's totally run of the mill for French families. I'm not French and find the whole thing really hard. My eldest is 7 now and I would consider it now, but have always said no previously.

In the past when I said no, he did act disappointed but also confined In me that he was really worried about the sleeping arrangements.

He has friends who have been sent away to holiday camps since the age of three for whole weeks. The kids seem to love it and nobody is traumatised. Still not for me though.

Karoleann · 22/03/2016 21:54

No I wouldn't either. Our little Beavers 6-7 come with parents. DS didn;t go away until 8.

Besides that, their childcare ratio to children must be huge if they're letting 3 year olds come.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/03/2016 21:57

YANBU. That is insane! I wouldn't even consider it.

LeanneBattersby · 22/03/2016 22:01

I think I'd let the 6-y-o go, at a pinch, if he was really mature.

But a three-year-old, for two nights? WTF? Mine still sleeps in with us and would be seriously traumatised if we sent him off for two nights with people who weren't his immediate family. Can you imagine them all crying for their mums? Sad

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2016 22:03

My brother has lived in Spain for many years and his children are essentially Spanish. One of the many things they think I am incredibly wrong and pathetic about is my horror at the idea of nursery age children going on residentials. There are many others!

6- Absolutly fine if the child wants to. 3? Nope.