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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To LTB over this?

78 replies

thisisjustgreat · 21/03/2016 09:04

DP is a SAHD. Well sort of SAHD, but I am also at home juggling running my business and looking after the children. He doesn't do all that much and struggles getting much done in the day. I have asked him if he wants to return to work many a time and he always says no. I am the sole breadwinner and have been really stressed about it, especially as we have been saving for a house deposit and running my own business comes with it's own stresses - We have a 2 year old and a 6 month old, the 6 month old so life isn't that easy.

I have been transferring money to DP every month for groceries and general spending, and the amount has not been stingy by any means - but whatever I transferred would get spent. I asked him what the money was going on several times and he said just day to day living. There was only so much I could push it as he said my questioning him made him feel small.

He always makes out he is a very stand up genuine and trustworthy guy. Well I found out this weekend (I had reason to be suspicious and made out I knew until he confessed) - he's been gambling away any 'excess' money every month, amounting to (he says) £1500 in the last 6 months, but I think it's more like £3500. He said he didn't tell me because of how I'd react which is bullshit isn't it.

One of his most redeeming qualities was I thought he was trustworthy, now he has proved that he isn't. I really don't like him much at the moment. Is it a big deal? My boundaries are blurred from past shitty relationships so I'm not sure what's OK and what isn't anymore.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/03/2016 15:10

Yes and chuck him out, you will be fine, with the extra money, you can pay for proper childcare.

HeffalumpHistory · 21/03/2016 15:22

I've only read the ops posts so sorry if I'm repeating others.

I would ask him to leave. He's doing minimal parenting, doing next to fuck all around the house, STEALING from you - that money was for the house & children not for him to gamble away & LIE about...
He bought you expensive chocolates to say sorry, I assume this was effectively with YOUR money??
I note what you say about pnd/pna & his help in bad days but imo his behaviour & lifestyle, being happy to have you working & stressed out as sole provider while he sits on his selfish arse, will be adding to the anxiety. It's a vicious circle.

I don't know how you ever regain that trust & I don't know how a relationship survives without trust.

SquinkiesRule · 21/03/2016 15:44

Poor you OP, what a horrible thing to do to you knowing you are vulnerable. Please get rid of him, you'd probably save enough money to pay a childminder a few mornings a week, that way you could work on your business without the kids around, or just have a break. If your Mum is nearby maybe she would come by on days when you need an extra hand, I'd do it for my kids.

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