To think that if you feel frission/sexual tension with someone, they do too?

[Pollaidh]

I've often wondered - you know when there's someone you have some kind of tension with, and you both grab for the same thing, and your fingers brush, and it's like an electric shock... Well if you feel it, does it mean the other person does too?

Same for the other signs, like repeatedly brushing arms as you walk along together, knees touching under the table. If you keep bumping arms, is it because you're both drawn towards each other, or (assuming you have some sexual awareness of the other party), could it all be you, and the other person's just wondering if you're pissed?

Obviously hard to answer given you don't know what the other person is thinking, but have you ever then got together with someone, and they've mentioned the same thing; or, (god, how awful), have you ever found out that what you thought were significant touches... simply weren't to the other person?

I'd like to think they do.

I think about this too. If I feel a connection to someone, does that mean they feel it too or could it be one sided. Not just in terms of sexual attraction, but potential friendships too.

So much is said with body language, tone, that without saying 'I feel a connection ' out loud, we could say it without words, and have the other person say it back the same way.

I've wondered about this too and come to the conclusion that no, not necessarily. Just because you feel it - why should they? I think you can convince yourself of all sorts when you have a crush.

I'd love to know this.

I was strongly attracted to someone I was in close proximity with for about 6 weeks. I'd just had ds3, madly in love with Dh, but my god this took me by surprise. I couldn't be in the same room with him without bolts of lightening, hairs standing on end, constant state of desire, all the cliches going on.

Ive often wondered if he felt it too.

I think sometimes the other person cant feel it. Abit like when your infatuated with someone and they dont feel the same way.

Nope..

Absolute bollocks.

You could easily feel it without them having any thoughts in that region.

There are probably lots of people who you accidentally touch without thinking anything of it, and you don't notice or remember these touches because you don't fancy them.

No they don't always feel it too.

I'm not sure. I had an unexpected moment of being nearly floored with lust for a mountain guide I was on holiday with a few years ago. He = beautiful man God. About 23yrs old.
Me = overweight married woman of 36.
Nah, don't think it was mutual

But look at it the other way round - I've had men telling/showing me they feel a sexual frission with me and in no way I am interested.

It's the same with any friendship - I know some really needy people who tell me they 'love my company, and feel we could be good friends' - & I just think 'no thanks'.

Nope.

A bloke I was really really good friends with once, said he felt this way about me.

I felt sick, it hadn't crossed my mind.

I haven't seen him since.

Sometimes the will. Sometimes they won't. Of course it isn't always reciprocated, but people like to convince themselves of these things.

No. It's entirely possible that it's one sided.

Nope.
Lots of stalkers rely on this nonsense theory to justify their stalking "I know she feels the same/I know she would feel the same if I could only just talk to her" blah blah

No, not necessarily.

I've had blokes have a crush on me, and confessed all, thinking I felt the same, to my utter shock.

I've once had someone convinced we had this sort of thing happening. They cornered me one day to confess their attraction, completely convinced I felt it to and we had been having all their significant moments for ages. As far as I was concerned this had come from nowhere. I genuinely had no idea. For me there had been no electricity or frisson in the least. It was all very awkward.

So, no. I wouldn't assume that they feel what you feel. Just because something creates a strong emotion in you doesn't mean it does in the other person and their version of events may be very different from yours.

Oh god I hope not. BIL and I once went to kiss goodbye on the cheek and were very very close to getting lips! It was one of the most awkward moments of my life! There was a moment of eye contact and hesitation before a hasty "um yeah bye".

I cringe every time I think that he might have felt that spark.

Nope, that way stalkers lie.

No, of course not! Seriously, who hadn't been pestered by a stalker/too enthusiastic pest? Who was absolutely convinced you must return their feelings?

Interesting question.

I would have said no when I was in the midst of a massive crush. Being realistic he was way out of my league (plus I was/am happily married

Someone touched my knee once and told me it was so brown (I had been on holiday). I found this person quite annoying, but it definitely triggered something in me so that 6 months down the line we were in a relationship. I think he was attracted to me, but I wasn't to him until that point. I have not forgotten that moment many years on.

All the examples of "they did feel it too" cannot say that this is always (or even often) the case, only that it is sometimes the case.

It can't always be the case, otherwise there wouldn't be laws against stalking, as we wouldn't need them.

I'm another one here to say it's definitely not always mutual I'm afraid. One person's "interested in me and can't keep their hands off me!" is another person's "friendly and clumsy".

As a younger woman I was perhaps naively open and friendly with all and sundry, plus quite on the touchy-feely side, and more than once found myself cornered by someone convinced we were experiencing some deeper connection.

I started to feel self-conscious about it but that just made me clumsier and probably come across as nervous in their company, so I'd be brushing hands then thinking "damn, we just touched! I hope they don't think it was on purpose... god, they're looking at me, they think it was on purpose, now I'm blushing! HELP ME!". I'd look up later to make sure they hadn't misunderstood and weren't glancing at me across the room, and of course "shit, we made eye contact across a crowded room! This is getting WORSE!!".

I can assure you it is not always mutual :D

Interesting point. I get on very well with someone I work with, and every so often, I feel this, I look up and catch his eye and he blushes. When I started the job, one of my colleagues remarked that she thought he really liked me. I laughed it off. I am not sure how or why he would find me attractive though.