To think that if you feel frission/sexual tension with someone, they do too?

[Pollaidh]

I've often wondered - you know when there's someone you have some kind of tension with, and you both grab for the same thing, and your fingers brush, and it's like an electric shock... Well if you feel it, does it mean the other person does too?

Same for the other signs, like repeatedly brushing arms as you walk along together, knees touching under the table. If you keep bumping arms, is it because you're both drawn towards each other, or (assuming you have some sexual awareness of the other party), could it all be you, and the other person's just wondering if you're pissed?

Obviously hard to answer given you don't know what the other person is thinking, but have you ever then got together with someone, and they've mentioned the same thing; or, (god, how awful), have you ever found out that what you thought were significant touches... simply weren't to the other person?

yes admittedly
we both in relationships him married me with dp.
he is older
the first time i saw him i gave a slight white lie. in (which i was caught out) and he gave me a look.

a few months later i was happened to bump in to him in work he is a freelancer told him i was sorry about the (white lie) lol we cracked a joke and it and we just personality just hitted off . he had the twinkle in his eye
he said to me i look lovely yes i know the old cliche but i loved it and no my dp never says that to me so i literally loved it.

a few weeks later he was working with me on a project and it was crazy i could see him staring in to me and when no one was watching he whisper to say i look absolutely gorgeous

it made me feel so high and i begin to crave our visits but trouble was they was always people at work so we make do with little glances. but one day he touched my arm as in like thanks for helping him. I could really feel the electric bolts of electricity. i knew then i wanted him despite him older and married. i started to really make an effort with my apperance earlier on and he had wierd sence of humour in the office he be all professional but causally whisper in my ear in what he like to do to me i was like
one day he mentioned he would a very lucky man if he ever made love to me and i refused saying but we in relationships but my knickers were soaking,
anyway we never did but we did kiss and after that he kept mentioning that he does not want anyone to find out and his wife go mad which made me think twice i still often think of him but i dont know he is a freelancer so i could see him soon in but i read people become infauation with someone because they dont get the attention they dont get at home so i say that has something to do it
i am trying to be strong but all i need is one look from him and im gone lol

No. Wish I'd known before acting on it...

Still, nearly two decades on, we're still friends, and I wonder how I ever saw him that way, lovely as he still is. It's just not stop-breathing, electricity sort of lovely.

I think there is a difference between a spark and a crush. You can have a crush on somebody and not necessarily feel that bolt, but find them attractive and it not be reciprocated.

Speaking from experience, I've only felt that fizzy physical chemistry that makes your mouth dry and your head spin a couple of times. It was mutual both times, even with the most unlikely of people.

Interestingly, I didn't have the fizz with the person I married but I do find him very attractive and love him deeply.

I do believe that the spark is a different thing and a literal chemistry.

theoatmeal.com/comics/literally

Thank you, all very interesting responses. And don't worry, no intention of acting on anything! I was just wondering if my experience was representative. Seems I'm probably good at reading these signals, or set my sights on men who are likely to like me back...

I always thought this too.

Turns out, they don't.

Oh okay then, fiord. It's worked both ways.

I slightly fancied a guy. I probably wasn't as subtle as I thought about fancying him, he picked up on it, and managed to convey without anything being said, that he wasn't interested. He did this by withdrawing a little from conversation, avoiding 1:1s, averted eyes when I was nearby, avoiding friendly/flirty talk. He looked a bit embarrassed. I picked up on the signals and withdrew, and it was confirmed by a mutual friend.

If I get signals that someone's interested in me and am not interested (am happily married), I - at least until they've got the message - avoid jokey talk that could be misinterpreted, don't prolong conversation, usually use shielding body language (like crossing arms, covering my chest with a file) instead of open body language. Smile but less broadly than usual.

Thinking about my general behaviour I have a tendency to be warm, open and slightly flirtatious - but in a 'we click' way, rather than a romantic/sexual way. Part of my job is developing relationships. It's the kind of thing that could be misinterpreted I suppose, but most people I am friendly with and work with are good at social cues - goes with the job. I'm like that with everyone, whatever their status, but can do cool and professional when required. Just have to read the cues.

In the past where my actions have been misinterpreted as romantic interest it has tended to be shy, insecure, nerdy types, so I am maybe a bit more careful with the signals I give out now - early passing mention of kids and husband. I'm not exactly Keira Knightley so I doubt they get too disappointed

I would separate being attracted to/aroused by someone from sexual tension since it's possible to be attracted sexually to someone but it's not mutual, then I think sexual tension occurs when subconscious clues let both people know they are mutually attracted, things like length of eye contact and frequency, pupils dilating slightly etc... Things that on a surface level we might not be aware (or wish to be aware of)of but all add up on a sub-conscious level to a feeling of mutual attraction.

I sometimes think that there can be mutual sexual tension that gets ignored because one person (or both!) people are modest and don't recognise that the other person is attracted to them even though they know they're attracted to that person.

That said, not everyone is good at reading signals and they confuse feeling attracted with mutual sexual tension. I think men (sorry, annoying to make sweeping generalisations I know) tend to confuse these two things more than women do.

Yes - not a normal crush - but when you can see / feel signals without even speaking (or knowing) the person. I've always been right - guessing who will get together with who eventually. It's usually pretty obvious how things will play out in relationships, for better or worse. Not that I'm some crazy psychic (I'm not!) but I think some people are better at people reading/watching.
I've had my fair share of friends who thought there was something more (they were young and naive) - but it was never a surprise (it was obvious). Some people delude themselves into thinking there is more to a relationship than there is (have been guilty of that myself - it's very difficult when you're inside a relationship to objectively see what's going on). Relationships fascinate me

My ex told me this. I was young when we met, he told me that from such a day he couldn't stop thinking about me and he didn't want me to leave months before we ended up together, we were together many years.

Now im older and not in love I know he was lieing and knew what I wanted to hear he never felt what I did because he just didn't im old and cynical now