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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re my friends hen do/wedding...

87 replies

MummyBex1985 · 20/03/2016 12:50

Just looking for some opinions.

My friend has planned a wedding, 300 miles away, and as it's an intimate affair with only close family and friends, it's sort of expected that everyone that's invited will go. I'm okay with that, despite the £250 hotel cost and £100+ petrol cost.

Then her DF arranges his stag do - abroad - and my OH is invited. Total cost £400.

Now she has arranged a hen do 100 miles away, so another overnight stay. Hotel is £150, but the bridesmaids are expecting us all to chip in for the bride to be's portion, and also to split the entire cost between us, despite the fact that some people are in their own rooms and not sharing!!!

So all in all, this whole affair is costing us around £1,000, which in all honesty I don't want to fork out.

AIBU or is this just the done thing now?!

OP posts:

lorelei9 · 21/03/2016 09:22

Brummiegirl, "I'm paying for the bridesmaid dresses, shoes, hair and make up. All they have to pay for is their hotel room. My view is that you want a set number of bridesmaids, you have what you can afford! "

Yes but to me that means you have the number where you can afford to pay for their rooms too. If that's zero, so be it.

Bunbaker · 21/03/2016 09:23

Whatever happened to having a wedding in your home town where the bridesmaids live as well, and not having to pay for a hotel room for them?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 21/03/2016 09:29

I honestly don't understand the need for expensive stag and hen do's, especially ones that last bloody days! I couldn't think of anything worse! The whole "I'm the bride,it's all about me" culture is pretty grim if you ask me.

OP if money is tight, don't feel obligated to go. Even if money isn't an issue, if you don't want to spend £1000 you could spend on your own family to attend a poxy wedding and weekend of hell hen do then just say no, no justification needed

My SIL is having a ridiculous hen do long weekend, I just said thanks but no thanks.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 21/03/2016 09:30

Agreed Bunbaker

Brummiegirl15 · 21/03/2016 16:07

In answer to the snarky comments about me not paying for my bridesmaids hotel rooms, I am having my reception about 30 minutes from where I live. My ceremony is in a church in my home town ,

Not that I have to explain my bridesmaids but 1 is my sister and she has chosen to stay in the hotel, 1 is my best friend who again has chosen to stay in the hotel rather than get a taxi home.

The other 2 are a niece and cousin who are both staying at the hotel with their families as they don't live nearby. But as they are a niece and a cousin I felt they might like to be a bridesmaid rather than saying no you can't be because you don't live nearby

FFS

lorelei9 · 21/03/2016 17:14

Bun, one issue is that everybody lives everywhere so that's not always possible.

Bunbaker · 21/03/2016 17:29

"Bun, one issue is that everybody lives everywhere so that's not always possible."

That's fair enough. So many wedding threads are about venues that are in the middle of nowhere, so everyone has to stay in the hotel. I should have clarified that. In my case my sister was my bridesmaid and she still lived at home.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 21/03/2016 17:36

Totally the done thing! I know someone who had four hen dos! A pre hen, a hen abroad, home hen and a reunion hen!!

oliviaclottedcream · 21/03/2016 18:38

I had a friend who's hen required us girls to all dress up at saucy schoolgirls. I really didn't want to....It wasn't sexual politics or anything like that. I just thought I looked so idiotic when i tried the costume on. Like a big daft heffalump. I didn't go and my friend understood.

as someone said earlier, just do the wedding

Noodledoodledoo · 21/03/2016 19:52

Bunbaker I no longer have a 'home town' as I assume you mean where you grew up, my mum is no longer with us and I have no other family living there. I have friends from school (what would be my home town), friends from uni who I don't live near, family all over the country and friends from where I currently live and work. My husband is in a similar situation and his home town is about 600 miles from mine.

Where ever we had it a large number of people had to stay over.

I picked my venue which for some people would think was random but due to a family connection who is still there. We didn't pay for bridal party rooms - have been to many weddings where this is the norm.

To be fair our rooms were only £29 a night as we picked a non wedding time of the year!

Oh and I had a one night out hen night, with option to stay over or not some did some didn't I didn't mind.

Anyway I digress.

LeaLeander · 21/03/2016 19:59

Back out, ASAP. What an inconsiderate bride and groom.

MidniteScribbler · 21/03/2016 20:21

Midnite, you might want to RTFT...

I have read the thread thank you, and I still stand by what I said. No one is obligated to go to these events, and you don't need to make up excuses. I'm not available, end of subject. It's an invitation, not a summons.

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