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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fuming that DD aged 6 has heard DH using the F word at me?

27 replies

ilovelamp2 · 18/03/2016 19:07

He muttered "for fuck's sake" under his breath because I dared to suggest heating the pan before cooking the fajitas. She says he does it a lot and thinks she can't hear him .... nice.

Have asked him about it, not in front of DD and he snapped "sorry!" at me. Said he doesn't do it all the time at all. I don't think I believe him.

Happy Friday everyone. He's drinking my congratulatory prosecco too (promotion.) feel like snatching it off him.

Please feel free to tell me IABU or he's had a bad day or something ... Feel like grabbing the rest of the prosecco and locking myself in the bathroom! Grrrrrrr.

OP posts:
Arkhamasylum · 18/03/2016 19:35

I thought he'd told you to fuck off. Then YW not have BU. Muttering FFS under your breath - meh. He doesn't sound like he'll get away with much with your daughter, anyway Smile

Get that Prosecco back, though.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 18/03/2016 19:38

Congratulations on the promotion! Swearing not so bad, but LTB for not heating the pan. Was he raised by wolves?

Caravanoflove · 18/03/2016 19:40

Well I'm a very sweary person, and kids will hear swearing in life. My kids know they are adult words and would never ever swear. I don't think it's a big deal to be honest.

MoreGilmoreGirls · 18/03/2016 19:40

Congrats on the promotion def get your prosecco back immediately. He's been a bit of an arse and needs to watch his language more. I'd settle for a proper "sorry".

gunting · 18/03/2016 19:42

My parents tried not to swear around me but my dad swears that my first ever words to him were 'fuck off'.

Kids will hear these things and repeat them, whether it's from your DH or elsewhere.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/03/2016 19:42

Yabu.

My Dh swears like a trooper. Always has. I dont. My teen dc don't swear much. Some people swear , some people don't.

Absolutely no issue at all.

Penfold007 · 18/03/2016 19:54

YABU. Congratulations on your promotion and grab your prosecco back.

Janeymoo50 · 18/03/2016 20:11

Meh, not worth getting horrendously annoyed about, maybe he felt you were being "all superior and clever" about heating the pan and felt a bit shown up (but of course it needed heated!!!!). Enjoy your fizz and congrats on the promotion.

PearSoup · 18/03/2016 20:16

Is there more to this? The odd muttered swear word is hardly a big deal but perhaps this is adding to other reasons why you feel frustrated and cross?

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 18/03/2016 20:21

Love mumsnet! Am feeling much more 'balanced' reading these replies! I've only been coaching him for 16 years on heating the pan - clearly still work to do there. But yes, I do have a tendency to over react when I' m knackered and it's the end of the week and 'whyaren'tfridaynightsperfectitis' sets in. That is a real condition in my house. He is asleep on the sofa now and I have the superior prosecco upstairs, enjoying 'disco' with DD and eating mini eggs even though I made her promise to wait until Easter. On reflection, perhaps this is a perfect Friday night after all!

OP posts:
cees · 18/03/2016 20:45

Yeah I wouldn't stress about it at all. Dd 2 yrs heard me mutter fuckin cat after it wove around my legs nearly tripping me then went around the house shouting it at everyone.

monkeyfacegrace · 18/03/2016 20:49

I have a potty mouth.

My kids know that driving is for adults. Smoking is for adults. Alcohol is for adults. Staying up late is for adults. Swearing is for adults.

Don't see the need for secrecy around swearing to be honest.

Get your wine back though.

diddl · 18/03/2016 20:52

"I've only been coaching him for 16 years on heating the pan -"

Bloody hell-no wonder he swears!

Unless the food will be ruined, leave him to cook it his way!

DawnOfTheDoggers · 18/03/2016 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 18/03/2016 21:03

Tbh there is nothing that annoys me more than when I am cooking and DH stands there and tells me to do this or that etc. And yes, that has included heating the pan...annoys me greatly. The food has never come out ruined when I do it, even if I do it my way, and do not have his great culinary experience of working 6 months in a kitchen over a decade ago.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 18/03/2016 21:26

I was being sarcastic about the 16 years coaching, obviously. In every other aspect of our lives, we look to work together, help each other, take advice, improve things but heaven forbid, when a man, a man I tell you does us the favour of cooking then we better just keep quiet, any suggestion could dent his precious ego.

And yes, I concede that the comment about the pan was bound to be interpreted as interfering but worthy of a "for fuck's sake'?! Surely not. Perhaps it's just me but I can honestly say, if someone suggested something to me and I didn't fancy taking them up on that suggestion I would just bloody well nod and smile like everyone else does and not start swearing about that person in front of a 6 year old.

I am glad he was cooking tea but I certainly don't need to feel grateful - pipe down little woman, the man is doing his best type stuff really gets my goat!

For what it's worth, the onions were still raw in the fajitas.

Anyway, he's still asleep. Ain't waking him. I'm watching what I like on the TV. Might watch a cookery programme and record it for him to watch later....

OP posts:
Smoothyloopy · 18/03/2016 21:42

My car broke down half way across a junction recently, DC's were introduced to a whole new vocabulary!

engineersthumb · 18/03/2016 21:42

I really dislike swearing around children. I not particularly keen on foul language altogether for that matter. I think in front of children it sends the message "I don't care about you" or "i can't be bothered tomoderate my langauge around you". Also I think it prevents people learning how to express themselves in everyday life. I know everyone has different views but it really annoys me whe people swear around my son. I actually would go so far as to make it an offense in public.

Original poster
ilovelamp2 · 18/03/2016 21:47

Yes engineer- exactly that. It's just lack of effective communication. Why not just diffuse it with a jokey, 'Don't you worry darling ilove, just get started on the prosecco " or more seriously, "I'm sure you don't mean to, but when you ask me that it makes me feel stupid when I am just trying to get a nice tea cooked for us all." Better than "for fuck's sake" when I'm out of earshot, surely?!

OP posts:
Alexa444 · 18/03/2016 21:53

I'd have beaten him with the pan! Not for swearing but for not heating it. You don't fuckarse about with fajitas.

acasualobserver · 18/03/2016 21:58

To be "fuming"? Like so many MN posters, you need to work on your sense of proportion.

bakeoffcake · 18/03/2016 22:05

cees dd1 heard dh mutter "that fucking cat" as the cat nearly tripped him up whilst carry a hot drink.

The next morning as we were all having a lie in --at about 6.30- she starting singing, "that fucking cat, that fucking cat, I love my cat" in a very loud voice. That got us out of bedHmm Grin

mumndad37 · 18/03/2016 22:06

I get it. It felt like he was swearing AT you in front of your daughter, which would be completely out of line. But I see it as more of him just swearing, period.

Sallystyle · 18/03/2016 22:08

My kids are doomed them as they must think I don't care about them enough Hmm

Mine have heard me swear loads.

YABU OP and congrats on your promotion Star

TheCokeMachine · 18/03/2016 22:11

Surely he said 'four fat snakes'? That is what I convinced DD1 I'd said when the idiot at the garage said I hadn't paid for my petrol (I had) and then told me to get to the back of the queue (of 10+ people) to produce my receipt.

I don't swear around my children, I just lost it because I had a screaming four year old flailing on the forecourt and a man who was a little unsympathetic on the tannoy announcing I hadn't paid.

Have a drink and enjoy your dinner. Congrats on the job.

Get inventive with your swearing, Jeff is well used here. Inventive swearing is fun.