Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Awkward one...

93 replies

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 18:28

We have a family wedding in the near future. One child (5) is invited and the younger child (6 months) isn't? Bride has not said as such, just younger child's name not on invite? Assumed it had been a typing error (almost RSVPd yesterday with all our names on- would've been awkward!) but it's transpired that younger children aren't invited. Is this abit odd or am I being over sensitive. I'm not against child free weddings at all, in fact me and DH are generally chuffed about then . But to invite one child and not the other bearing in mind they're family? Is that normal? The plan was to take both and have them both picked up at 8'ish anyway but will feel bad asking babysitter to have youngest all day AND THEN come and collect eldest!

OP posts:

ouryve · 18/03/2016 21:26

6 month old stay where they are put, do not answer back and only cry when they are wet, hungry or tired!!

You never met 6 month old DS1! He still made it into most of our wedding photos, though, despite looking like he was trying to wriggle free all the time. He squealed through some friends' wedding a few weeks later

curren · 19/03/2016 05:23

The no babies rule, wouldn't bother me.

But expecting five year old to turn up be a flower girl ten leave is not ok. They essentially want her for a photo prop.

Honestly we wouldn't be going at all.

My five year old wouldn't bat an eyelid or even remember what d ate it was meant to be on.

I would be fuming at that.

MidniteScribbler · 19/03/2016 05:34

I would not accept dd being a flower girl then being shunted off. It is fucking rude. I think many people these days need to get over themselves. Weddings are supposed to be a family celebration.

I agree with this. What a load of fucking shite.

Go to the wedding (with both children) then leave afterwards and take your DD out to someone a bit fancy in her dress so she can show off.

If you can't do that, I'd organise the babysitter to pick up directly after the ceremony before any photos were done, by accident of course. If she wants to treat your daughter as an accessory, then don't pander to it by letting her be used as a prop for the photos.

Janecc · 19/03/2016 06:04

I love children and it never would have occurred to me to have a child free wedding. Children love a party. How sad for you. Yes I agree, I would get your living hair clip out of there asap and use the cash you were going to spend on the wedding gift on a nice restaurant and an enormous pudding for your little princess. I would consider letting her stay for some of the photos. Not for Bridezilla but for your DD as this will be part of the princess experience. They didn't tell you your DD wasn't invited to the reception until you made enquiries so I would not inform them in advance your intention not to stay. Then I'd write in the card you wish the happy couple well, that you and hubby couldn't stay and there will be no present as you used the money for your own celebration and you will raise a glass for them with your complete family. Or else say nothing, disappear and buy them a set of kitchen knives.

TheCrumpettyTree · 19/03/2016 06:21

So they just want your dd to look pretty in the pictures then leave? Fuck that.

Dress code? Hope you're getting them the moon on a stick as a wedding present seeing as that's what they want.

lavenderhoney · 19/03/2016 06:55

Interesting they think a 5 year old all dressed up and excited is going to sit / stand nicely at a wedding ceremony but be completely unable to behave at the reception:)

If feeling charitable you could think that it's a nice opportunity for your dd' to be a flower girl- mine would love that and she probably would be fine with going home after and having a nice time with the babysitter, whilst you have a nice time with your dh. Don't get the bit about not being in the pics though. Aren't you allowed to take a camera?:)

ColdTeaAgain · 19/03/2016 06:57

So they just want to "borrow" your DD for a token flower girl and to look pretty in some photos and then she is no longer welcome?
I'd be pretty fucked off tbh.

Pollyputhtekettleon · 19/03/2016 20:57

Classic mumsnet indignation.

rosieliveson1 · 19/03/2016 21:07

When we get child free invites, we decline then chuckle at how funny it will be for the wedding couple when shoe is on the other foot in a few years 😄 Its a shame, especially as family weddings are often the only time that extended family members get to meet/see our children

topcat2014 · 19/03/2016 21:14

Just decline the whole invite - I really don't get the selfishness of childfree weddings - best not to pander to them.

TheCrumpettyTree · 19/03/2016 21:27

Child free weddings aren't selfish. And it's not a child free wedding.

ColdTeaAgain · 19/03/2016 21:37

But it sounds as though the only children going are to be sent home after the ceremony ( and presumably the photos). Just sounds to me as though the OP's DD has been invited to look cute for the photos and is then no longer wanted there. I find that very shallow and false.

I couldn't imagine sending my flower girls home and not letting them join in with the dancing and fun for the rest of the day, they had a great time!

ChimpyChops · 20/03/2016 08:58

How are childfree weddings selfish? I have 2 children and honestly never mind if they aren't invited to weddings. If we have childcare then great, if not then we decline or just one of us attends. No drama.
But if I was expected to take them as photo props and then shuttle them off, definitely wouldn't even bother or would decline the invitation for them to be page boys.

FeckOfffCup · 20/03/2016 09:46

I don't think child free weddings are selfish. One of my best friends is getting married this year and it's adults only. She loves kids but has none herself yet and none of her guests have young or bf babies. The reason they've chosen this is because she's been to a few weddings recently and the kids there have gotten bored so quickly, got tired and grumpy and the parents have had to leave early stressed out so she just thought it would be easier to have no children as the majority of the guest list are in their 20s, childless and will want a good piss up party.

If I got married I wouldn't have child free - it would seem strange as we have our own child. But depending on the couple and the type of wedding, sometimes I think it's more appropriate to not have kids there. I didn't mind when she told me, it means DS can have a nice sleepover at his grandparents. If they couldn't do it, DP would stay at home with him and I'd go to the wedding alone. No big deal.

That said, I wouldn't be impressed if she used one of my children as a flower girl / page boy, excluded the other completely, then expected the eldest to piss off once the photos were done.

Arkhamasylum · 20/03/2016 10:52

I don't think it's selfish not to invite children to your wedding. I think it's beyond selfish to expect children to be in the ceremony and make your photos look nice and then kick them out without feeding them. If people want small children to act as decoration, they should pay them, like they pay the florist. Treat them like people - either invite them or don't, but don't expect them to be your accessories.

Bunbaker · 20/03/2016 11:12

So your daughter is just being used as an ornamental accessory for the photos?

Unbelievable! If she wasn't so excited about being a flower girl I would have just turned down the invitation or gone without the children.

I don't "get" child free weddings, but I come from a family orientated family, and so does OH.

ILoveTFIFriday · 20/03/2016 11:17

My friend had no children on his side at his wedding as he had lots if adults he wanted to invite. His wife gad children from her side if the family.
However, he handled it really well and talked to all of his friends that had kids to explain his reasoning. No one was offended. In fact I thanked him afterwards saying that I enjoyed his wedding so much more without kids (was able to drink) than dragging along 2 toddlers and having to worry about keeping them quiet.

TheCrumpettyTree · 20/03/2016 11:56

I had a child free wedding as we had no children in the family at the time.

I'm not upset if my children aren't invited to a wedding. Providing we can sort childcare then it's an opportunity for dh and I to have a rare day out together.

Flip

1 2 3 4