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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Awkward one...

93 replies

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 18:28

We have a family wedding in the near future. One child (5) is invited and the younger child (6 months) isn't? Bride has not said as such, just younger child's name not on invite? Assumed it had been a typing error (almost RSVPd yesterday with all our names on- would've been awkward!) but it's transpired that younger children aren't invited. Is this abit odd or am I being over sensitive. I'm not against child free weddings at all, in fact me and DH are generally chuffed about then . But to invite one child and not the other bearing in mind they're family? Is that normal? The plan was to take both and have them both picked up at 8'ish anyway but will feel bad asking babysitter to have youngest all day AND THEN come and collect eldest!

OP posts:

Inertia · 18/03/2016 18:59

Think I'd say that none of you are able to attend. An immediate family member ought to realise how awkward it would be for just one of your children to come.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 18/03/2016 18:59

I'd take the baby!

Takes up no room not eating etc will spend the day being passed round.

Would even cross my mind to question it - if you ask and be told no it will cause an issue.

Witchend · 18/03/2016 19:09

If your 5yo knows about being a flower girl then isn't she going to be devastated not to be. I would at that age. Not letting her for the sake of a baby who doesn't care is a bit of cutting off your nose to spite your face isn't it?

I suspect it is child free, but they've made an exception for you dd as she's a flower girl. You'll be getting glares from all parents present who have made complicated child care arrangements.

Original poster

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 19:29

I have asked and It transpires DD is also to be collected after ceremony. I am not one to cause problems at people weddings, if that's what they want that's fine. Not quite sure of logistics but I'll sort something out. I was just curious if this was common thing, to be honest I'm abit

OP posts:

Lilipot15 · 18/03/2016 19:34

For the PP who said something like "babes in arms can always go", when we mentioned out of courtesy to a couple to whom we'd already accepted their invitation (assuming they knew that our baby would be anything between 2-6 weeks old) that the baby would be coming as I would be BFing but we'd make sure it was quiet or taken out etc, we were asked not to bring the baby. Needless to say we didn't make that wedding. Looking forward to when she realises that you can't just leave a newborn with someone else for the day!

Lilipot15 · 18/03/2016 19:35

OP, your relatives seem to have somewhat unrealistic expectations too of family life!

FeckOfffCup · 18/03/2016 19:36

I have asked and It transpires DD is also to be collected after ceremony

Your DD is a flower girl but they want her gone after the ceremony?!

Fuck that.

They should either have children there or not - not exclude one child from a family and have time limits on when other children can be there.

Original poster

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 19:37

I could've written that post myself lillypot. Baby was 2 weeks old when we were invited to a wedding. But I had a very civil conversation with bride and she ok'd babies attendance. Poor little mite, he's going to get a wedding complex at this rate!!!

OP posts:

LillyBugg · 18/03/2016 19:38

Surely she will be really upset at being shipped off after the ceremony?

SoddingPufflers · 18/03/2016 19:38

I would not accept dd being a flower girl then being shunted off. It is fucking rude. I think many people these days need to get over themselves. Weddings are supposed to be a family celebration.

stiffstink · 18/03/2016 19:40

There was a poster on here a few weeks ago who pulled her 3 DDs out of a wedding at which they were all bridesmaids because the youngest BM had to leave after the ceremony due to a no under 10s rule - has your DD been made a flower girl at short notice OP?!

Original poster

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 19:41

Haha Fekkooff I hasten to add it's DH side not mine. Mine love children and would be flabbergasted as such requests. I cannot abide wedding dramas so will do as asked, but such behaviour will not be forgotten. My head will be held high.

OP posts:

Tink06 · 18/03/2016 19:41

After reading your latest reply that's incredibly cheeky. Go if you want too but I wouldn't take either child (unless your dd will be upset). Do what suits you as I think the invitation is very rude xx

Original poster

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 19:43

No not short notice, this wedding has been booked a couple of years, and been long in the intricate planning. I think the no children rule with children in bridal party has perhaps been a brain fart.

OP posts:

CocktailQueen · 18/03/2016 19:43

She wants your dd as flower girl but then to go home after the ceremony? But she will want to dance around and show off her lovely dress at the reception - I think that's really unfair and unthinking.

Original poster

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 19:47

I won't make it obvious to DD, her babysitter will most likely be stuck in traffic for an hour or two shed be devastated if I told her she couldn't go, she tried the dress, shoes, tiara... Etc. Thankfully the little man will be none the wiser but it would be the end of the world to my 5 year old whose told all her school friends about her princess gown.

OP posts:

ChimpyChops · 18/03/2016 19:47

I am not sure if my son would be more upset at being told he could no longer be part of a bridal party or being shunted off as soon as the vows were over.

I am not against no children weddings but this would be enough for me to either decline my invitation, or at the very least not take either child, bridal party or not.

Arkhamasylum · 18/03/2016 19:48

I'd possibly mention to the bride that these are two children, not a flower arrangement and a handbag.

ChimpyChops · 18/03/2016 19:49

I think people will ask at the wedding when they realise that the flower girl has gone home, I would be honest too.

So, is she not going to be in any photos? :/

ChimpyChops · 18/03/2016 19:49

Also, exactly what Arkamasylum said!

BitchPeas · 18/03/2016 19:54

These threads bewilder me. Either have complete child free wedding or invite children to the whole thing.

Why mess about with small children and dresses etc then drop them when they have served their purpose of making your photos prettier. So self absorbed and rude.

FeckOfffCup · 18/03/2016 19:55

I have no problem at all with child free weddings (we're going to one this year actually and I'm rather looking forward to it) but to have a 5 year old as a flower girl for the ceremony - and the pictures I presume - and then banish her from the rest of the wedding is just a bit heartless imo. Sucks all the fun out of the day when weddings are micro managed like this.

If I were you I would be tempted not to go at all, but understand you not wanting to create a scene with the family, and upset DD by cancelling.

WeDoNotSow · 18/03/2016 19:55

I'm
Are the bride and groom quite self important?

Original poster

Pippa12 · 18/03/2016 19:55

I agree, it's the oddest thing I've ever heard. The guests that ask will be told the complete truth of the situation. Should I throw the dress code into the mix or leave that for Saturday night If my DD wasn't so set on wearing her princess gown and was none the wiser I suspect my replies would be different but I won't take her princess day away for the world, there are other children in bridal party so I assume there will be a few of us in same boat. I'll just be sure my DD does not leave first!

OP posts:

OhBigHairyBollocks · 18/03/2016 20:01

Dresscode!?!?

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