to say something about this at school

[HammerToFall]

DS has high functioning aspergers, one of his main issues is around food. He gets severe anxiety over food if it's something that isn't on his accepted list of things he can eat. It's usually colour and texture that put him off. He stays school lunch where they have a deli bar. Everyday he has the ham sandwich which comes with a bit of salad in the side.

Last night in tears he told me one of the TA's has been guarding the bin so that he can't put his salad in there, and then makes him sit at the table until he eats it (he is not going to eat the salad, he has never eaten salad in the ten years he's been alive). This results in him sitting there until the bell goes making him miss playtime.

Firstly I don't want him sat there in tears missing playtime, and secondly he is now becoming overly anxious of anything I put on his plate which is not accepted food. He doesn't have to eat this but I have always put it on his plate anyway just in case one day he decides to try it.

I'm going to say something this morning, I don't want to appear rude but I really think this needs bringing to a head. AIBU?

Just to add, from what I've seen behind the scenes the food is pretty poor anyway. The school cooks do the best they can with what they have but I wouldn't fancy eating a lot of the food I see coming out of the kitchen.

I being made to eat chocolate cake! I really couldn't eat any more. My jaws ached! Still I couldn't leave it. Jeez. Surely any kid would jump at eating chocolate cake if they possibly could we're talking 40 odd years ago and I still haven't got over it. I've got achey jaws thinking about it.

YANBU. At all.

Another one here who was forced to drink the dreaded milk. Mid-80s. If we didn't finish it in the morning, it was left on the windowsill in the sun to be drunk in the afternoon. So you were then forced to drink rancid, lumpy gone off milk. I faked being ill once and got sent home. When I told DM the real reason, she spoke to the teachers and I got to take in orange juice every day. Go DM!

The thing is, these abusive actions have lasting effects. I still don't drink milk now and my DC don't as they don't see me drinking it. So - that's three people who don't drink something that's generally accepted as being healthy due to a ridiculous public health policy and how it was enforced. The irony...

YANBU. Definitely contact the head if things aren't yet sorted out.

Just to add, from what I've seen behind the scenes the food is pretty poor anyway. The school cooks do the best they can with what they have but I wouldn't fancy eating a lot of the food I see coming out of the kitchen.

I worked in a school kitchen years ago as a general skivvy and I can confirm this. I imagine some cooks are fantastic and have the skill and imagination to make tasty food out of cheap ingredients, but our cook was awful.

She had to make food for staff meetings and training sessions. On one memorable occasion she served up plain cold pasta as one of the dishes - no dressing, seasoning or flavouring of any kind, nothing. Frankly it was embarrassing and I dread to think what the teachers thought.

In some instances I wouldn't blame anyone for putting school dinners straight in the bin.

Furious
I'm the same, I still don't drink milk 40 years later. Forcing children to consume something they don't like doesn't make them a better eater.

In this specific case surely it would be a reasonable adjustment to give him the sandwich without the salad.

If schools are under pressure to get children to eat veg then surely anyone with a medically recognised reason for not eating something e.g. ASD, allergies or food phobias should be exempted.

Chazs - I'm sure in this day and age we'd have been able to sue or something! It's barbaric when you think about it. I'd hate someone to do that to my children.

tiggytape
I agree wholeheartedly with your post. I don't think the schools should be doing more than making good choices available. Forcing children to eat is counterproductive.

OP, I'm glad you are pushing this issue with the school. I still have vivid memories of being told to finish a semolina pudding in the 80s. The whole class had to leave the dining hall together to walk back to the playground, so everyone was waiting for me. But I could NOT stomach that pudding!

it's just plain wrong to try and force a child to eat something they don't want to.