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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

outing for 1 child

17 replies

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 17/03/2016 18:17

My child is best friends with another child (B)
B has a younger sibling C.

There is an event on which we invited B to join us in.
From what I can work out B wasn't allowed to come because we hadn't also invited C.
Please assure me I am not crazy and this isn't normal.

OP posts:
QueenofLouisiana · 17/03/2016 18:19

Ummmm- I'd also just invite the friend. DS's best mate has 3 younger siblings, I'm not inviting them all!

Tiggeryoubastard · 17/03/2016 18:24

Nope, not normal.

ABitSensible · 17/03/2016 18:26

Thats...ridiculous. And sad for B, poor kid.

curren · 17/03/2016 18:35

I have two kids.

I wouldn't expect my old ears best friend parents to include my youngest.

Or the other way round.

That's very odd

Original poster
PassiveAgressiveQueen · 17/03/2016 18:52

goody, i will stop reading now whilst you all agree with me :)

OP posts:
pigeonpoo · 17/03/2016 18:53

Depends.

Usually very odd behaviour

However if it's an outing that will cause huge sibling jealousy and b and c DPs can't afford to take c themselves without b at some point - I can understand them not allowing it.

CosyNook · 17/03/2016 18:54

I wouldn't invite siblings, unless I knew them really, really well.

owlsintheflowerpatch · 17/03/2016 18:55

My dc old best friend had a brother 9 months older. I only ever took the younger one.

m0therofdragons · 17/03/2016 18:55

I have twins and they've just started receiving separate invites and although it's a bit tricky if one feels she's missing out, that's totally for dh and I to deal with with dd. I actually like them being seen as individuals but other parents seem horrified they've been split. Yanbu.

DIYandEatCake · 17/03/2016 18:56

Depends whether a parent's coming too - my 4yo daughter has missed a couple of things because I couldn't bring her little brother and there was no one else to look after him. I wouldn't expect him to be invited though.

mrsm43s · 17/03/2016 19:01

Are you expecting parents to come along as well? Or are the children young enough that parents would feel that they need to come along?

If its just the friend coming along, then no need to invite sibling, but if its a family thing then you can't really leave a sibling out.

So, "I'm taking child to Thorpe Park/soft play/ the park, would B like to join us" is fine, but "Child and I are going to Thorpe Park/soft play/the park would B and you like to join us" is probably not OK if there are siblings. For practical reasons rather than manners really, but even if there was another parent at home it wouldn't be nice to leave a sibling out.

feebeecat · 17/03/2016 19:09

Nope, not normal. Also have twins and have gone to great lengths to emphasise they do not have to go everywhere together and how it is actually a really good opportunity for me/dh to spend some time with the remaining child.
Very odd not to let B go. Unless C really wanted to go too and the fallout was too much for them

lalalalyra · 17/03/2016 19:22

Nope not normal. I have twins who've always gone places with individual friends. I found other parents did make an issue of it though. We had occasions where one wasn't invited somewhere because the inviting parent didn't feel it was right to only invite one of them.

PennyHasNoSurname · 17/03/2016 19:27

Thats not fair at all! I am afraid I would be tempted to be PA in my reply (if the parent was just a school one rather than an actual friend)

"No, sorry, we wont be able to also take C. It is a shame that B can't come without them, id imagine that would be very frustrating for them as they grow up. Let me know if you change your mind"

Friolero · 17/03/2016 19:35

Yes, they're crazy. Why don't they use it as an opportunity to do something C would enjoy whilst you're taking B out.

Kitsandkids · 17/03/2016 19:52

I remember an ex neighbour's child wasn't allowed to go to another ex neighbour's child's house in case her 3 younger siblings got jealous. But she and the other girl were similar age and the next child was 3 years younger, a boy and totally not into what they wanted to play/talk about. So I don't understand why the mum didn't just say 'that's A's friend, not yours and she has invited A over. You might get an invite from one of your friends another day.'

I think it did resolve itself as the children got older and the 3 younger ones got more of their own social lives and weren't bothered about being with their sister and her friend.

tinyterrors · 17/03/2016 20:04

That's definitely not normal if you don't expect a parent to go with you. I've got four dcs and one has been out with his best friends family a few times, no way would I expect them to also take any of my other dcs even though one is only a year older.

The only time I'd have to say no is if I'd need to go as well and dh was working as I'd have no one to look after the others.

I feel sorry for B if this keeps happening, they'll grow to resent their sibling.

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