to feel offended by this and not want to eat any more fucking apples

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

I actually don't know if I am being unreasonable. I feel annoyed but might just be sensitive just now.

I have a bad chest infection just now and have pulled muscles in my ribs and diaphragm area from coughing. I also have a chronic lung disease and so chest infections hit me badly. I get quite a few chest infections a year.

I see a respiratory consultant at a hospital that specialises in this. I have a nebuliser machine at home and meds prescribed to administer. Am on a variety of strong and expensive meds, some more commonly associated with things like COPD.

Today someone saw me and asked how I was feeling. I said slowly improving but still struggling. She started going on at me to eat more oranges to get vitamin c. I definitely consume over the RDA of vit c anyway and take lots of supplements anyway.

Then she started saying she had heard apples can fix lung problems and to try that. There has been some research into this and apparently FEV1 in lung function tests was slightly increased when apples were consumed. Am not sure how reliable etc the study was but accept it might be a thing.

Even with that it really wouldn't work. My lung function is good, I can produce a high Peak flow when well. It's my lungs unpredictable and life threatening reactions to things that are the problem.

I really don't like people giving random medical advice. It somehow suggest that 1. I am not eating healthily anyway. 2. That all my consultants are prescribing expensive meds when an apple could help?

I am on extra pain meds and steroids, which always make me a bit emotional and not been getting much sleep cos of coughing and pain. So I am aware I might be being unfair.

Her tone was quite patronising. I think that had a lot to do with it.

It wasn't oh that's crap hope you feel better soon...that reminds me I read this thing about apples!

It was more "you should try eating apples because x y z"

I could have the lung capacity of an elephant....if my airways are going to freak out and try to tighten up and produce a crazy amount of mucus then it won't do much good.

Nod. Smile. Cough on their sandwich, deliberately, saying maybe I should try the apple thing, eh?

The apple won't fit into my meds chamber for the nebuliser. apple juice would work, then it would go straight to my lungs!

You so need to send them that picture :)

Ha brilliant!

At least she didn't tell you that Forever Aloe products would cure your condition!

She was just trying to be helpful. She wasn't rude or offensive. She didn't tell you that all your medication is pointless - she just mentioned something she had heard about and thought might be relevant. It is in people's nature to try and help.

Have you tried avoiding walnut trees?

It's well-meaning in the sense that people honestly believe illnesses & disabilities are within our control - usually by some simplistic method such as diet changes or exercise.

But the reasons why they believe this, and urge you to try their cure, is not well-meaning. This is what's irritating. PP have already said it's a combination of magical thinking ("I do everything right so I won't get what you have - it must be your own fault, loser") and empathy avoidance ("Do what I say, then I won't have to deal with the uncomfortable fact of your illness.")

It's actually quite selfish, which is why we find it distressing. We understand where they're coming from and there is very rarely any point in stamping on their delusions. So we just suck up.

Then we have to suck it up again, while other people tell us we aren't allowed to feel distressed by it ... !

I used to commit this sin, though I hope not as rudely as many do. I've got no fewer than 4 "invisible illnesses" now, and get this all the bloody time. It's slightly wearing.

This type of discussion is often divided between people who have had a serious illness or,cared for someone who has who totally get how irritating and upsetting this sort of 'advice" is.

And those who haven't who think it's just being helpful.

Love your apple inhaler. giraffes

OH that photo is hilarious - you should have that on a postcard and send it to her - "I tried your advice, but it didn't work out too well for me..."

Patronising is unnecessary, I agree.

Excellent post garlicshake.

Dammit - meant to ask, did she do it with a as well?

Not the same I know, but my dd used to have very bad acne. So many people told her to take vitamin c and eat more fruit and vegetables. It upset her so much she ended up not being able to eat in front of anyone

I'm sure she meant well and you should be grateful for the advice. You don't have to take it though.

Haha, send her the apple picture, please! Maybe drink lots of cider? That might cure you.

Some woman I used to work with told me that my chronic anxiety and depression could be cured if I just drank herbal tea. Hmm yes, I'll get right on that.

What GarlicShake said. If people really wanted to be sympathetic/helpful, they'd stop and think "how would I feel if I had cancer and someone told me vitamin c would cure it?" and then act accordingly.

(although MIL thought vitC would cure her till the day when it finally didn't; I'm still angry she was sold that lie)

Generally, the people going on about fake cures, have been made to feel uncomfortable in the face of your ill-health, they don't like it, and telling you you'd be well if you only ate some apples, makes them feel ok. Problem solved, no need to bother myself about Giraffes any more.

My son's Type 1 Diabetes would be cured by eating cinnamon apparently. It doesn't occur to people that when they tell me that, they're effectively saying you are either so stupid you couldn't do a 5-minute google and find that out yourself, or you do know but don't love your son enough to perform this easy cure . Selfish.

MrsDeVere, judging from the OP, it sounds like they were having a normal conversation where the woman shared some information that she thought was helpful. That's what people do, who know each other and have some sort of relationship, not just about health but about all sorts of life situations. It is not the same as a total stranger going up to her and giving unsolicited advice.

I am sure it must be annoying if everyone you know does it, but I think you should consider their intent. I believe most people want to be helpful. If you jump on them and start asking when they got a medical degree (as suggested up thread) you will alienate people who didn't mean you any harm. Lots of people are annoying - it's just life.

Oh I must the most annoying person in the world then. But it comes from a place of wanting you to be well. And I have found quite a few things that work for me against the common cold and flu, thanks to listening to other people.

Another one with a long-terms heath condition chiming in on the YANBU side. It may be well meant, but that's no reason to do it, and it can often signal the kind of attitudes GarlicShake mentions. At best it feels trivialising, at worst as if they're signalling a wish you could just be 'normal' like them.

YANBU. It is offensive to suggest that they know better than you and the medical professionals. They might think they're "just being helpful", but how arrogant is it to assume that some random article you read on the internet puts you in the best position to point out where someone is going wrong with their own illness.

It's just like those **s who imply that if only you'd eaten an organic carrot you wouldn't have got lung cancer and all the other snake oil crap they trot out.

My favourite line is, "Doctors/the pharmaceutical industry don't want people to know about xyz because then they'd be out of business."

Riaow. Sorry, bit ranty. Just gets all my fur up the wrong way, this stuff.

My father has COPD, and is also violently allergic to apples. (They trigger an asthma attack that is so severe, it could potentially be fatal.)

Tell whoever it is about him!