to feel offended by this and not want to eat any more fucking apples

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

I actually don't know if I am being unreasonable. I feel annoyed but might just be sensitive just now.

I have a bad chest infection just now and have pulled muscles in my ribs and diaphragm area from coughing. I also have a chronic lung disease and so chest infections hit me badly. I get quite a few chest infections a year.

I see a respiratory consultant at a hospital that specialises in this. I have a nebuliser machine at home and meds prescribed to administer. Am on a variety of strong and expensive meds, some more commonly associated with things like COPD.

Today someone saw me and asked how I was feeling. I said slowly improving but still struggling. She started going on at me to eat more oranges to get vitamin c. I definitely consume over the RDA of vit c anyway and take lots of supplements anyway.

Then she started saying she had heard apples can fix lung problems and to try that. There has been some research into this and apparently FEV1 in lung function tests was slightly increased when apples were consumed. Am not sure how reliable etc the study was but accept it might be a thing.

Even with that it really wouldn't work. My lung function is good, I can produce a high Peak flow when well. It's my lungs unpredictable and life threatening reactions to things that are the problem.

I really don't like people giving random medical advice. It somehow suggest that 1. I am not eating healthily anyway. 2. That all my consultants are prescribing expensive meds when an apple could help?

I am on extra pain meds and steroids, which always make me a bit emotional and not been getting much sleep cos of coughing and pain. So I am aware I might be being unfair.

[cleaty]

This is very annoying. You have a serious illness OP, not a cold or minor issue where folk type of advice might help. I think some want to ignore how serious some illnesses like yours are.

[NNalreadyinuse]

I'm sure it is annoying and wearing, but the person who is trying to help doesn't know that you've been on the receiving end of this stuff all day. From their pov they are just sharing something that you might not have heard of. I think that's a bit different from the sort of people who say you wouldn't have got cancer if only you'd taken X supplement.
Obviously the OP feels how she feels but if you snap at people whose intentions are basically good, they will end up avoiding any conversation with you for fear of getting their head bitten off.

I don't think it is about taking sides, more about acknowledging that it's just how conversations go with people who don't understand the detail and recognising that they didn't mean to annoy you.

[BertrandRussell]

"I think your doctor would know if it was as simple as eating an apple! It's so patronising when people think they know better than you and your doctor." But they DO! Doctors are just in league with Big Pharma to keep it from you.....

[Maudofallhopefulness]

Oh I feel your pain. SIL is a herbal 'doctor'. When ds got inflammatory bowel disease I was inundated with supplements and told conventional medicine was poison. She's trying to cure her fibro with a fuck ton of carrots.

Have you heard about the cancer and bicarb rubbish?

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

1.bp.blogspot.com/-tZaRMsgaDoQ/UC3Kem8ND8I/AAAAAAAAAA4/pF4FX6BzLA0/s1600/UOkcannonfull.jpg
Op, you need one of these - for all the apples of course. Feel free to point it at all those people with their oh so useful home cures. I can promise you, you will feel much better afterwards!
I had quite serious athsma as a child and the thing that annoyed me most was "Oh, you'll probably grow out of it." Not much use to me at the time.

[MrsNoraCharles]

Yet another person with a chronic illness who wants to say oh dear god no YANBU.

I'm so, so tired of it. And it is offensive because the inference is often "you're clearly too lazy/stupid/ill-informed" to try this miracle cure (raspberries/apple cider vinegar/running naked round the pond at full moon).

People say "My mother/grannie/next-door neighbour" did this and it cured them. Great. I'm happy for them. I however have an incurable disease. I use a large amount of toxic medication that it's really hard to tolerate - I do not need or want to have to keep hearing utter bullshit like this twenty times a day.

Frankly I don't even really care anymore that their motivation is "kind". How is it kind to constantly tell me that either I'm wrong or my medical team are?

[CruCru]

Gosh, this sort of thing is so irritating. When I was a teenager (back in the day), I had terrible skin - dreadful acne. I tried everything but was daily told:

• toothpaste is good for spots;
  
• to eat more fruit and veg;
  
• that I needed to wash my face and hair every day (I did, fuckface);
  
• that I should steam my face over a bowl of hot water.
  

What did cure it was aging but my God this sort of thing was upsetting. It wasn't as though I WANTED to be horribly spotty and completely unfanciable.

Sorry for the hijack.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

GarlicShake is absolutely right:- this sort of thing is magical thinking and empathy avoidance.

OP, if anyone who does this to you falls ill, swear to them they can be cured by hot coffee enemas. That'll learn 'em.

[sallysparrow157]

I find this whole 'apples cures lung problems, cannabis oil cures metastatic cancer' bullshit insulting from the medical side too - I work my arse off trying to make sick children better, sometimes we can't make them better and it's devastating for the child and their family and (though obviously not in the same league) upsetting for those of us who've struggled to make things better.... If apples and cinnamon and cannabis oil worked when all the hardcore toxic drugs we use don't, why the hell would I let a single child die for the sake of an apple? I'd go to sainsburys and buy every apple on the shelf if it would help my patients and their families and the implication that I'm not doing my best for them because I'm not shoving apple juice into the ventilator circuit is a bit.... well, a bit shit really...

[HPsauciness]

sally I agree.

One of my relatives is very ill.

So far we have had:

use visualization to promote white cells
eat a low fat diet
eat no sugar (feeds the problem apparently)
eat no meat or wheat
but do eat lots of berries/ broccoli (insert substance of choice)
don't eat at all, do long fasts
drink special herbal teas which make you sick
read this book, no this one, no this one, all about people who know magic cures for cancer, mainly spiritual, sometimes diet (x 3)
rest all the time/don't rest, it will make you depressed
have surgery/don't have surgery whatever you do, it'll make it grow more
don't take pharmaceutical drugs at all, even though you would be bedridden if you didn't, because they are Very Bad for you (except for cannabis of course which is absolutely guaranteed to cure you)
think positive, that definitely helps, although quite hard when shit is happening
count your blessings (lots of times)

And so it goes on.

We do know people are 'trying to help' but it does come over as quite patronizing, no-one waits to be asked, and none of these suggestions come from people who know anything about it whatsoever.

If the person themselves initiates the conversation, asks for an opinion, or asks you to search some information for them- that would be incredibly helpful. Offering unsolicited advice, which is poor quality, and really is only designed to make you feel like you are doing something in the face of the powerlessness of their illness, is not helpful. It is understandable though, which is why we smile when we get yet another book on how to cure the incurable.

[ChicChantal]

YANBU there's always someone ready to dispense wisdom, mainly cos they like the sound of their own voice. Every time I get a cold, there's someone saying 'drink plenty'. Well yeah, rocket science, eh? I started to develop a disability a few years back, and a 'friend' told me I should do something about it, rather than just accepting it. Said disability is incurable and I was very stressed anyway. So you know The Incredible Hulk? That was me. I went apeshit.

[LyndaNotLinda]

YANBU - my sister has a life limiting genetic condition and you wouldn't believe the number of people who offer her quick advice. She's under specialist multidisciplinary consultant care. Why anyone would think a piece of advice they read in Bella would be of interest I don't know.

[LyndaNotLinda]

Quack, not quick!

[giraffesCantReachTheirToes]

I've been awake since 4.45 and coughing sticky green gunk out of my lungs. Coughed so hard that have had a pelvic floor failure. And am having to keep an eye on my sats monitor as my oxygen saturations are dipping. Been using my respiratory physio device to help shift the crap from lungs and done 20 minutes attached to my nebuliser to try and open up airways and loosen the mucus.

Need to get up soon to get my antibiotics and steroids from the kitchen. Then take them along with my everyday lung meds.

The idea that with an apple this wouldn't be the case...

[WhatBloodyTimeDoYouCallThis]

Maybe throwing the apple at her head would work. It should make you laugh and
apparently laughter is the best medicine.

Case closed.

Ps sorry you are so gunky at the mo.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

op I agree that her remarks were irritating. However I'm wondering about her motivation in going on about fruit. Forgive me asking, but are you overweight at all? It's a cormobidity in asthma and COPD and does complicate outcomes, so I wonder if she thinks she's being terribly subtle about advising you to lose weight.

Still irritating though, obviously! And if you're feeling this rubbish it would hardly be top of your priorities list.

[LaContessaDiPlump]

Apologies, I missed the bit where she's not an HCP still pushing fruit though IMO.

GarlicShake that is a very insightful post about other people's attitude to illness. I think something similar happens with disaster/accident avoidance too (now what did he/she do wrong, so I can avoid it?).

[toomuchtooold]

I feel your pain OP. When I was being investigated for recurrent miscarriage, I asked the consultant if there was anything I could do to improve my chances while we waited for test results and she looked me up and down and said I could stand to lose a bit of weight. I was like about half a stone overweight. I heard some incredibly stupid remedies for miscarriage in the 5 years we were trying but that was by far the cruellest.

[Waitingfordolly]

YANBU. My dad has a progressive and incurable brain condition but a friend keeps making "helpful" suggestions about Aloe Vera (yep, FL though she does not sell it herself) and things to do with his ears. It's really bloody annoying. She also believes it's wrong for children to have to undergo cancer treatment, they just need to eat the right diet. Aargh.

[Waitingfordolly]

Missed out a vital but of info there, my dad has lost his balance because of brain disease but she is convinced that sorting out his ears will sort it.

I agree that it makes you feel they think you're not trying hard enough / too stupid.

[annandale]

DH has schizoaffective disorder, has had it all his adult life. The best thing I can say about the 'remedies' people tell me about is that at least they are not telling him. The only thing I can suggest is that you say 'I'll talk to my consultant'. Or just say nothing and change the subject.

[topcat2014]

I have shockingly bad all over eczema - and am on weaker doses of drugs they use for chemo. It even says 'toxin' on the boxes.

But, yay, have I thought about aloe vera!

Yes - because all consultants no nothing.

Smile and nod, OP, smile and nod.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

YaBU. Horses eat apples. You don't see fields full of horses using nebulisers young lady < wags finger >