Health Anxiety Ruining My Life

[PeppaAteMySoul]

Hello,
Someone please tell me IABU to be thinking like this. Yesterday I found a mouth ulcer on my top gum it's tiny- only a few mm across but because it doesn't hurt and it seems a tiny bit sunken into the gum I have convinced myself it is cancer. I do this everytime I find something abnormal and it ruins my life. Instead of enjoying my toddler today I am rubbing iglu into my gum while staring at the mirror every 5 seconds to see if it has gone yet.

light at the end of the tunnel, not life!

HA is an awful thing that sucks any pleasure or happiness out of you :(
I suffer with it too, and whenever things are going well, I beat myself up and I'm sure I actually look for something to worry about

Peppa, I just read U2's post. She's got it exactly right. I asked my GP about a mouth ulcer once (in the grip of HA) and he told me to go to the dentist. If I were you, I'd be prodding and poking, like U2 said, which isn't going to help it heal. I always seemed to find that these things went away after I stopped worrying about them! So, yes, I agree that you should go back to your dentist.

I did a year of CBT for HA and I had to really push my GP to refer me. It was worth it. Can you see a different GP if this one is just giving you leaflets, or just simply, calmly insist on a referral. I would have thought that, being pregnant, you would have been a priority as they would be less likely to want to write you a prescription (although I have nothing against prescriptions).

But again, U2's advice is right on the money. to all of you. HA is the pits.

Oh god op...have been exactly where you are numerous times.

HA is a fucker of an illness and mine too stems from a traumatic event. I found sertraline helped me massively. Probably would have comitted suicide without it tbh.

Hope you soon feel better xx

Health anxiety is horrendous op :( I might have missed with but have you tried antidepressants! Sertraline worked absolute wonders for me.

Sorry you are going through this, I'm also suffering at the minute. I've been experiencing painful joints over the past couple of weeks. I had blood tests yesterday and I am scared to death that they will find something bad. When I am really bad I literally spend all day Googling 😢

U2 your calm rational words have helped sooth my overwhelming paranoia. Thank you. And I hope I get to that light at the end of the tunnel.
My GP was mostly useless. I told him I am pregnant and that I am suffering with anxiety to the point I can't function and all I got was bloody leaflets and a promise those feelings would settle down

And I have spent the last two hours since our son went to bed crying on my dps lap because of it all. I can't cope like this with one child never mind two.
And I worry that it won't heal and then I will have to go back and then it will mean it's cancer. And I worry how irrational that thought process is.

Thank you everyone for the kind words and support.

You will cope with another child. Because you are going to fight this and you are going to be in control of it, instead of it being in control of you. It's tough, I know, I know how scared you are, how petrified you are of your own body, how you feel like the only thing waiting for you right now is death, no joy, not a new life, but death. It overwhelms everything, it sucks the joy out of life, your head probably tells you that there is no point in being happy because you are going to be dead soon, right?

It's scary and it's dark but it is your head, you are ill but not physically. Your head is giving you these thoughts, they aren't real. You are dealing with hormones plus dealing with going through a horrendous time, you are trying to control something because your life feels out of control after what happened to you. OCD (and HA is a form of OCD) is often about control. Trying to control things. Magical thinking, if you can keep looking at your body for signs of illness you might be able to have more control over it.

I went on anti depressants when I was pregnant, you might need them and while some gps might be reluctant to prescribe them there are many that are safe to take and you need to think about it. It will take the edge off and you will then be in a better position to help control it.

For now, please try not to check your ulcer until Tuesday at least. It will be scary and it will be hard but try for as long as you can manage it. Give it time to heal.

You are going to be ok.

You need to go to the GP again, take your dp if you can. Tell them you need help desperately and the leaflets were not enough.

Much love to you

You will be able to care for your baby and your child. Because your subconscious is already looking out to try to alert you to potential threats anywhere to try and make sure you all stay safe.

U2 you are being so patient and supportive of my crazy. I will not look again until Tuesday.

I asked doctor about medication but he seemed to think was a really bad idea because I'm pregnant and I can learn to "manage" the anxiety.

I will ask again about medication when I go back. It isn't good for me, my DS or unborn baby if I am so stressed I can't sleep, eat or think.

ahh you aren't crazy But I once thought a cut on my thumb was melanoma so....

Medication helped me, it saved my life. I didn't want to take it when pregnant really but like you said, the stress, the not being able to eat and sleep was more of a concern than taking meds while pregnant.

There are a lot of things you can do to help yourself but sometimes you need medication to take the edge off so you are strong enough to do CBT etc. Tell your GP that you want them (if you actually do) because you can't cope without them right now, you might need to be a bit politely forceful.

HA seems to be more common than ever right now. I think a lot of it is because we are bombarded with adverts telling us what signs to look out for, news of people dying from cancer, and everywhere you turn there is something about cancer. I went to the toilet in the shopping mall and was greeted with a poster about signs of ovarian cancer on the back of the door. Of course education about symptoms is a good thing, but I do believe it has also lead to people becoming overly worried.

I hope you manage not to look until Tuesday, I promise that if you try your anxiety will heighten for a while but eventually it will lower. Checking helps for a few minutes but in the long run it makes it worse. Don't be hard on yourself if you can't manage it for that long, even waiting a few minutes longer between checking is an achievement. If you find yourself having a panic attack while trying not to look post here or even PM me as much as you like, to give yourself something to do. I am working this afternoon but I'm here all the rest of the weekend if you want to talk more and I really will be happy to do so.

can I ask, do any of you get a deep thud on your chest when you have health anxiety? I'm waiting for the results of an ecg just now and when I think of it its like I get anxiety deep down the bottom of my throat. I hate it.

also, have any of you had your blood pressure taken? I'm in the process of getting that tested as well just now, and when I'm in the surgery my heart is racing and my blood pressure is high and the nurse has the worried face on that kills me. They want me to have a 24 hr monitor thing and I'm utterly panicked about that, I feel for the 24 hrs I'll just be in a permanent state, also I'm worried as I wont be able to hide it from the kids and I cant bare for them to think theres something wrong with me. I told the nurse I had health anxiety and I just wanted them to reassure me and say "its fine, we all worry" but this nurse was a young guy and started going on about my blood pressure and if it was high getting further tests.....to say I'm worried and panicking is a total understatement. My friend who is a nurse told me lots of people have high blood pressure but it totally panics me, I cant see a way round it...and waiting for the results of the ecg is unbearable. I actually feel relieved this weekend as I know the surgery is shut and I feel they cant get me.....

I know I sound crazy, my worries and fears are beyond anything I know. I cant help it or stop it. I feel I cant put my kids through how I felt when my mum died, I cant do that to them and it utterly panics me anything to do with doctors and tests. Awful just awful.

I know it's another leaflet...but [[https://www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/]] are very good self help resources and there's one for health anxiety.

Also, I'd ask if there is a perinatal mental health team in your area? Your health visitor would know and might be more useful than your gp as an advocate. Good luck

Oops, link fail... www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/

I've seen those leaflets before, thanks for posting them misty9

Big hugs from another HA former sufferer. I can heartily recommend sertraline when your little one is born, as it's done wonders for me. In the meantime, one step at a time - you will get through this and it will be ok in the end. It might not be much fun for a bit, but you're in no danger and you will get through this. Been there, done that, and I promise you won't always feel this way.

If it helps, think of it like this. Your brain is currently like a car stuck in gear. Other people's brains (and yours too in the past, and yours too in the future I promise) think something through (eg "is this ulcer something I need to worry about?") and then they come to a conclusion ("I'll see if the ulcer is still here in a couple of weeks - no need to do anything about it until then") and then they switch off and think about something else ("oooh, a cup to tea!"). Right now, your brain has lost its off switch. It can't tell when it's reached the conclusion, so when it gets to the point when it should switch off, it just goes right back to the beginning and starts the whole cycle again. Thus you end up in a constant worry about anything and everything. Just keep reminding yourself that although it feels terrible, there is nothing actually wrong, it's just your brain running around in your skull like a hamster on crack :) . Things like mindfulness, CBT, medication etc can help calm the brain down so it's back to its placid helpful self. Also try distracting it with things - crosswords, sudoku, loud music, counting sheep - anything that makes it shift track and focus on something else. Think of it like having a young and untrained puppy that needs constantly telling what it should be doing so it doesn't accidentally pee on the neighbour's leg :)

I hope the jokes come across as I intend them - in a been there done that, it worked for me kinda way. Have some more hugs too.

I caved and looked at the ulcer. Almost two weeks now and no sign of healing.

It's still there. No healing. Even my DP says it's odd especially as other ulcers near it have healed. Oh god. I am trying to hide how I feel but even my DS asked "are you okay mummy?" this morning. He's not even 3 yet. God I love that kid.

How frequently have you prodded it though? That'll slow the healing down. I know it's easy for me to say, but think of all the other things it could be - small infection, slow-to-heal ulcer, random lumpy bit, etc. I would book a dentist appointment for a week's time (just to reassure yourself, not because it's anything sinister), and then try not to look at it until then. Hugs

i have this too

hugs

I have not prodded it at all.

Ah posted before I had finished writing. I am driving myself and everyone around insane. Even if this is bad (and I am fairly sure it is now) that doesn't mean instant death does it? I need to stay calm.

Cancer doesn't mean instant death, no.

If it was cancer I imagine it would be early oral cancer. It hasn't been there for long, it hasn't grown, it isn't bleeding or anything so if it was cancerous it would be early I would have thought which usually means it is more easily treated with a much higher success rate.

But that is not worth thinking about right now. Two weeks is still early. My white thing looks like an ulcer but it's just a salivary gland that is pushed up- normal for me. You can't be fairly sure it is cancer because you are anxious and not thinking straight. I was sure I had melanoma but my GP said I didn't and he was right and what I saw in my anxious head was very different that what someone medically trained saw.

You are anxious, that is enough to slow down healing. Mouths are funny things, we could all study our mouths and see bits that aren't the same, white bits, red bits, lumpy bits but that doesn't mean cancer.

Like someone else said, make a dentist appointment for a weeks time if you can manage that long, but right now you still have no more reason to worry than you did a week ago, if that makes sense.