Ex's new 'girlfriend' wanting to meet DC..

[penguinplease]

Totally prepared to take a flaming here but interested on opinions.

Ex DP and I get on well, we mostly co parent and liase with each other about the children quite nicely.
He has had many (and I mean many) women in his life since we split up and thats fine, its not any of my business.

However the most recent one who lives some hundred or so miles away is wanting to come and visit Easter weekend and meet the DC. I have told him no and I wonder if I'm being unreasonable.

Firstly he has only known her a few months himself and due to the distance only seen her a handful (3 maybe 4) times and I think this is too soon for any woman to want to be involved in the lives of the children.

Secondly she may not know this but I imagine she is temporary, they all have been as they all want to move things on way too fast for him and he gets fed up, this is again none of my business but feels relevant as its now potentially affects my children.

She thinks I'm being unreasonable because I don't want her to meet them yet, I don't think I am, I think the distance between them is not sustainable for a long term future and I can't see the point in subjecting our DC to getting to know her unnecessarily. I also personally don't understand why a woman with children herself would be in such a hurry to get involved to that degree yet.

Our DC have no idea that he has a gf or indeed has had any, he has never told them and it will be a complete bolt out of the blue for them so for her to just turn up and share the house with them all Easter weekend I feel is just totally mad.

Am I being unreasonable? I don't think he is that bothered and I know hes still dating other women but this is the first time he has gone as far as suggesting it to me so maybe he does like her a bit more than the others but if thats the case what is the harm in waiting.
I am and have been really supportive to him and if he is happy then thats good for us all but I think a bit of me feels a bit let down by this other woman for not understanding my point of view..

So, flame me if I deserve it!

I think you are playing it absolutely right OP. I'd be secretly worried that the GF four dates into a relationship already seems to be squaring up to you. Doesn't bode well for the easy relationship you have with EX.

Another one not that surprised to hear that the bloke doesn't really want her to come and was looking for OP to provide an excuse for him. Is him being this childish and spineless one of the reasons you dumped him, Penguin?

Ok, women do themselves no favours by being desperate to be The New Partner to a man who's not showing much interest, but it sounds like this man is not averse to leading women on, either.

Yes Solid it was, he was also a cheat and an arsehole. We get on great now I have no emotional investment in him but I do feel for any woman that gets involved with him.

She isn't coming, he isn't interested in her meeting the children, he is dating someone else anyway and on lots of hook up sites as well so I imagine he isn't short of company when he wants it!

Tbh I think too much is made of the "six months to a year" advice often given on here, for no other reason than that any relationship could end even after six/twelve months. While I agree that you need to have a fair idea of whether someone is likely to be in the relationship for the long-hall, I also think that a year is a long time to invest in a relationship for it to then transpire that kids in the mix doesn't make for a future together.

It does sound as if the OP's ex hasn't introduced a string of women into his children's lives, so that is surely a good thing.

What I would say however is to think carefully about the assumptions that the children will be unsettled/upset/want to come home if they were introduced to a new partner, Children are surprisingly resilliant and it's often possible that parents project their own insecurities over a new partner being introduced to their children, and those insecurities are often unfounded. It can almost be a hope that the kids might be unsettled, even if not directly expressed.

Fwiw my dp was introduced to my DS after only a few weeks not on my insistance but my ex's. He said to me that now I was seeing someone it was important that DS be told the truth, as DS was expecting me to never have another partner. And that if I didn't tell DS, he would, so left me no choice. Three years on me and DP are engaged and he and DS have a fantastic relationship. but tbh if DS had had insecurities those would have surfaced whether I had waited six weeks or a year to introduce him to DP.

Conversely a friend's ex waited over a year to introduce his partner to his DC, she waited until they were actually married before turning into the bitch from hell and banning them from her house and family. There is more to these things than time.