Tell me about things that really piss you off even though you know you're being unreasonable...

[CrazyNewDogLady]

I'll start.

My mum always puts 'your' in front of every single activity, work, hobby I do and it annoys the fucking life out of me. For example, me and DH bake a cake every Saturday because we're cool like that. Every time we speak on Saturdays she asks 'Did you do your baking today?'. I find it patronising, like she's saying 'Did you do your little baking activity today? Ah, good girl'.

I know I'm BU. I know she doesn't mean to be patronising but it boils my piss. But because I'm BU, I can't say anything. So I have to just fume quietly and vent on MN

Oh yes I hate "end of" or "and that's that!" My DH does that to me occasionally (and his grandma once told him off for it, because his grandpa used to do the same and it touched a nerve! Down the generations!).

And people being "passionate" about random stuff,
I agree. And people gushing sentimentally on Facebook etc when they're perfectly reasonable human beings in real life.

And my daughter (aged six!) being Americanised by YouTube and films - "Look at the kitty!" she says, in an affected American accent, and "candy apple" instead of "toffee apple" - ARGH!!! My own flesh and blood!! Makes me want to strangle her for the good of the nation. I feel like restricting her to British stuff like the Clangers, though she'd talk even funnier then. 😄

And people using American grammar, e.g. "I did it," not "I've done it."

People who are ill and call it 'my' illness eg my arthritis /asthma/epilepsy/etc. I know what I'm talking about here, I've just had cancer: it wasn't mine, it was an invasion. I in no way identified with it. There is no way I would have called it mine.

Ianbu tho when drivers at crossroads traffic lights waiting to go right plop over the line when the lights go green, leaving a queue of traffic behind and only turn right when the lights have gone red again and all the opposite cars have run out so they can scoot off happily rightwards and we're all left behind the fucking line thanks to self-absorbed right turner: it's not all about you, there are other people on the roads you know - in fact, behind you.

How doing that dragging texting thing ALWAYS predicts 'with' is spelt worth. F.F.S.

Tuesday is pronounced TuesDAY, holiday holiDAY not TuesDEE or holiDEE. Mr Stephen Fry Chief Culprit.

Mandatory is pronounced man-d-tory not manDAYtory. Northern Ireland is not NornEye, weather people.

There's more, I'm sure.

People who put photos of a full English breakfast, including fried eggs, daily on social media with the hashtag #healthyeating because SW tells them it is syn free. I dont know why that makes me ao angry, but it does.

New apprentice at work relying on me every day for a lift. Offered when he first started as a kind gesture and now its every day. Grrrrrrrrrrrr

Ah yes, Americanisms. My Downton Bonneville would not have said 'right now' in any context at all.

(not that the whole of Downton wasn't ridiculously improbable but I do draw a line at americanisms)

Yy to the loo flush thing - my DM!!!!

Radio presenters who talk about nothing.

All adverts.

Leaving any water in the washing up bowl. Makes me urge

Mother phoning on a Friday to ask what I've 'been up to' this week. WORK. I WORK FULL-TIME. I HAVE CHILDREN...work it out!!!

My colleague who signs off emails with KR, Bob. Cos he's sooooo busy he doesn't have the time to type Kind Regards in full.

Oh yes, and other mums who have endless money to spend on cleaners, babysitters whenever they want their hair done, house renovations (to already beautiful houses), coffee out every day, nice cars that actually work, weekends without the kids etc. and then feel the need to tell people all about it, even recommending these things to them, when they must know that 99.9% of the world simply cannot afford to live like that.

Not that I'm bitter, or envious, or anything. Ahem.

Tongue is tung, I've never heard anyone call it tong

-People who lick the yogurt lids to ensure they get every scrap-yuck!
-People who say pacifically instead of specifically

People who spell my first name with the wrong letter. Yes I know there are 2 ways of spelling it and mine is the slightly less common way, but bloody ask!

People, pronouncing my sirname wrong, this makes me correct them through gritted teeth. It has 1 letter in the middle, not 2. If it had 2 you would be pronouncing it correctly, but it has 1 and rhymes with other well known words (that are never mispronounced), like saying latter instead of later. Ffs.

People parking outside my house. It is a public road, but this is my house and I want to fucking park outside! It seems to be a free for all over who can park outside. The houses across the road, the houses down the road that don't want to walk up a bank. Oh and people who park in the middle of a huge space, plenty big enough for 2 big cars, but they'll park in such a way that you can't quite get in. Fucking rude and inconsiderate! Fuck off!

People who wait until the get to the till, have to wait a while, put all their shopping through, then seem utterly surprised that they need to get their purse out and pay for said shopping. It is a given, get it out earlier!

People who are using 50 million coupons, taking forever.

Old people. Too slow.

Doddery drivers, if you are too scared to do 30mph, get off the fucking road.

David Cameron's smarmy face. No you aren't good for the country. You are screwing it up and I want to punch you.

The way my MIL says tooth/toothpaste. She says it with a short oo like look (not if you are from Liverpool) not like too. It makes my teeth itch!

My mother's pronunciation of:

garage (garaahhhhgge)
broccoli (broccol-eye)
diamond (di-a-mond like it has 3 syllables!)
There are more. It's late.

Poncey women arty types who are post-menopausal but thin. Who didn't put on any weight when pg. Who missed all the usual angst being a woman usually brings - so they have lots of headspace for their art.

People who say 'that's my best [film/song/whatever]'.

Really? Did you perform in it? Or do you mean your 'favourite'?

Tbf it's mostly children who do this. And they annoy me generally.

'Could of' - urgh

My DH says tooth with a short 'I' sound (to rhyme with push). It might be a Midlands thing. He also says mom and tong (for tongue).

I'm irrationally aggravated by adults who need the loo a lot.

Hugely unfair and no idea why, but it really irritates me, especially when out and about.

Takemedown yy my DM does this with 'vegetables'. Gives it 4 syllables

People who hold doors open for me when I am so far away I have to run to grab it then appear incredibly grateful

It makes them weirdly in control of me and I do not like it! And they are always super smug and expect loads of thanks.

I've started just yelling 'It's fine, thanks' you utter wank shaft and taking my sweet ass time instead.

Fucking people.

I was imagining the tung poster pronouncing tongue tunGH. That was irritating me for a few minutes there.
I like saying vegedibles.
DH spells broccoli as brockley and I want to divorce him over it. Spelling isn't his strong point but I can't take that one.

People who make conversation in a lift.

It's never not awkward.

People in a queue who stand so close to the back of you that you can actually feel them breathing down the back of your neck - particulalry when queuing for public transport.

And on a public transport note, there is always that one person who comes later than everyone else, but queues at the wrong side of the bus stop and happily jumps on first

When you bump into someone you know during a supermarket shop and say hello. Then you bump into them again in the produce aisle, the baked goods, the tins...and you never know what to say. Most of my supermarket time comprises me ducking and diving commando style between aisles trying to avoid someone I've previously 'hello'd'.

People who stand next to you in a queue. Wtf?

One word.

Hun.

I know a total arsehole who signs off 'AB, Total Arsehole' instead of 'All the best' because he is far, far too busy to write full words.

Also, 'True, dat.'