Tell me about things that really piss you off even though you know you're being unreasonable...

[CrazyNewDogLady]

I'll start.

My mum always puts 'your' in front of every single activity, work, hobby I do and it annoys the fucking life out of me. For example, me and DH bake a cake every Saturday because we're cool like that. Every time we speak on Saturdays she asks 'Did you do your baking today?'. I find it patronising, like she's saying 'Did you do your little baking activity today? Ah, good girl'.

I know I'm BU. I know she doesn't mean to be patronising but it boils my piss. But because I'm BU, I can't say anything. So I have to just fume quietly and vent on MN

People who insist on giving the shit sandwich.

A slice of lovely praise followed try the problems that need fixing followed by another slice of 'I'm really loving your work here.

I am a grown up. My ego is sufficiently intact to cope with the notion that you do not think I am perfect.

Please just tell me what needs fixing ( as succinctly and baldly as you can manage) and I will fix it!

I don't know a living soul who says "tong", it's tung, definitely.

OutrageousFlavour is your MIL Scottish? 'Brayke-fast' is quite common where I'm from.

On the subject of emails, I hate it when I send someone a file and they reply with a query without attaching the bloody document. I then have to search back through my sent items to find the thing, gives me the absolute rage.

Trying to post from my phone gives me the rage as well with text jumping all over the place and fecking auto correct completely changing what I want to say.

Just on a side note, when do you actually ever have to say "tongue", let alone have to hear other people say it? I'm not sure I've ever had to say it or hear it.

ARE YOU ALL GP'S OR SUMFINK? (Included some estuary for the above poster)

People who walk slowly in front of you, especially when you're in a rush. I honestly can't stand it!

That stupid advert where the woman wants to know if she can get cover for arthuritis. It's arthritis ffs and people who are "passionate" about stupid things like baking or stupid food or stupid knitting or stupid anything

Rogue apostrophes.

I understand I have a lot of rage.

My best friend uses the word "effectively" every other sentence when explaining things. I am always tempted to go princess bride on her 'this word you keep using. I do not think it means what you think it means'. Trouble is, she wouldn't get the film reference!

The way DH stops speaking halfway through a sentence and then complains later that I didn't remember something he didn't tell me because he only finished the sentence in his head!

The sound of DH eating. Totally. Grinds. My. Gears.

DH pronounces July weirdly, slowly: Jew Lie.

Whereas I and all right-thinking people pronounce it more like J'ly.

Early summer is a bad time for me.

"Pacific" when you mean "specific"

God yes, the cashpoint thing. They spend ages fannying around doing goodness knows what, then look totally amazed when they turn round and there's a queue behind them.

MIL saying 'this looks delish' when a meal is put in front of her. Makes me very, very stabby. Also the way she turns a nicely presented meal into something resembling a plate of slop by mixing/mashing it altogether before she eats it

Women who spend ages (disabilities apart, obviously) in public toilets knowing full well there's a queue waiting to use them too.

Anyone who says 'peeps' instead of people.

Another MIL one
Swearing blind that she is not deaf and definitely doesn't need a hearing test. The problem is, apparently, that every single one of her friends, family and also everyone on the telly mumbles these days

MIL asking if I want a "hot drink".. Emmm, sure, a mulled wine would be lovely in April. Oh, you meant tea?! Then ask me if I want a cup of bloody tea!

My own mum texting to see if I got her email, ringing to check I got her whatsapp, emailing to see if a parcel arrived, ringing to ask if I got her Facebook message. Grrrrrp

You know Muzak they play in shops, badly sung songs sung by crap singers who think they are as good as the original? Well every time we go not a shop, every single time, for years and years, my mum will saunter through the store then go " cha cha cha" not in tune with the music, always the same cha cha cha irrespective of the song.

I walk off with a vein pulsing in my forehead, drives me insane, it is so pointless and irritating.

Anyone coming in the kitchen and stirring, adjusting the heat, tasting or adding stuff to the pot when I'm cooking. If you want to take over cooking, just say and I'll go and sit down but don't just fanny about interfering and ASKING QUESTIONS.

Daisy no, DMIL is from Lincolnshire - I'm not sure if brayke-fast is the standard pronunciation there or if it's just her way of saying it!

Men (and it is always men) who whistle in supermarkets.

'End of.'

Oh really? Because although I might have agreed with every single point you made, now I just want to argue the toss with you, purely for slapping down the most arrogant, lazy, provocative and irritating sign-off in the history of language.

Other people talking to me when I'm out. Just stfu and leave me alone.

Men (and it is always men) who whistle in supermarkets

And some women…I've been known to do it without thinking…I'm a good whistler though, if that helps it doesn't

People who (mainly on fb) completely forget to use 's to indicate possession eg. 'This is Poppy new doll', it seems to be a new thing but it's not how people speak so why do it?!

Neighbours who want to speak to me when I'm mowing the front garden. I can't hear you so I have to keep turning the bloody thing off everytime you speak and I don't want to be out here all day.

I know this is in the realm of I'm being ridiculous because it's my actual job that I'm being paid to do but some days when clients are coming to me with the same crisis over and over again and I just want to go "oh for fuck sake woman I think you just like whining and have no actual interest in sorting out the damn problem I have given you eleventy million solutions to already. Sort your own shit out and stop ringing me!!"

I don't obviously because I am a professional but it's very tempting!