Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Apparently I have ruined dc1s birthday and they are going to tell everyone...

69 replies

owlsintheflowerpatch · 16/03/2016 08:40

Went out of my way to try and give dc1 a nice birthday despite being a single parent, one income, no financial (or otherwise) support from ex.

Couldn't afford a party or day out but my Mum is paying for a cheap hotel at the seaside at Easter so they aren't missing out.

As it was a kind of milestone birthday I bought a keepsake gift they would like and then spent a small amount of money on cheapish items I knew they would really like and use plus one of those take out meals from the supermarket and a cake.

Dc1 came home telling me all about what nice things had happened at school. Lovely but no sign of thanks for anything I had done or got for them.

Dc1 lost some sweets in their room another child gave them and had a strop then started talking to me like utter crap, tone of voice, sniping at me, pulling a face when I spoke as though I was stupid.

Twice I warned
Dc don't talk to me like that
Dc I don't want to shout at you on your birthday but you need to stop talking to me like that.
The third time I told them off properly. They went into a full on strop shouting how awful I was, how mean I was, how I had ruined their birthday and how dare I tell them off on their birthday and I had ruined it and they were going to tell everyone how awful I was. I said ahh well at this threat and was told I didn't care about their birthday and had proven it.

This morning they have told me they are going to tell everyone at school how I ruined their birthday and how awful I am because it's the truth. Hmm

Apparently I should have let dc1 talk to me like crap because it was their birthday. Sad

OP posts:
NeedACleverNN · 16/03/2016 08:45

You did the right thing...

Just because it was their birthday doesn't mean they can act as if the world revolves around them

Shirkingfromhome · 16/03/2016 08:50

Let them. You're the mother, you shouldn't be dictated to just because it's their birthday. You gave plenty of warning, the undesirable behaviour continued, you followed through on your warning. That's what a parent does.

Don't feel bad Flowers

Costacoffeeplease · 16/03/2016 08:55

I hope you said 'crack on love'!

Fratelli · 16/03/2016 09:05

You totally did the right thing. There's no excuse for talking to you like that.

Marynary · 16/03/2016 09:08

You are right that they don't get to be nasty and rude just because it's their birthday. Not sure why you are listing their presents though. What has that got to do with it?

originalmavis · 16/03/2016 09:10

How old is the child?

FinallyHere · 16/03/2016 09:12

I understand that its tough being a parent... Hang in there, it will get better.

Original poster
owlsintheflowerpatch · 16/03/2016 09:14

Mary I was just trying to get across that i had struggled my backside off to try and give them a special day as they get nothing from elsewhere apart from my parents and felt it was all thrown back in my face.

OP posts:
Nancery · 16/03/2016 09:14

It sounds like they were egging each other on. You definitely did the right thing and, hopefully, when they grow up a bit they will realise quite how horrible their behaviour was.
Flowers

KitKat1985 · 16/03/2016 09:15

I think you did the right thing. Having a birthday doesn't give them the right to speak to you like crap, especially when you've made so much effort. How old is your DC?

Ceeceecee · 16/03/2016 09:21

I think you are right. But I wouldn't go on about all you have done and the fact that nobody else bothers apart from you and your parents as that might be the root of his upset.

RhombusRiley · 16/03/2016 09:23

There is always a lot of pressure on birthdays - to have a great time, to give the birthday person a great time - and I think that's why things can get tense and go off the rails sometimes. Maybe DC1 actually was upset by something at school but was covering it up. (I'm not saying that makes it OK to be rude though.) Or they felt pressured by the expectation from you that everything had to go well. Do you know what I mean? I'm not blaming you at all, I just know I've always felt like this on birthdays. That everyone's expecting me to be full of the joys, and it can feel a bit overwhelming.

I think you should just ignore the threats, and make up later. Give DC1 a hug and have a little chat about nothing and they might open up about how they feel. If not just reassure them you love them and let it go.

Original poster
owlsintheflowerpatch · 16/03/2016 09:24

I didn't say anything about that to the dc Ceecee. I said that here because it upsets me more that they have threatened to say how awful I am to school when I am the only one who does anything for them.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/03/2016 09:24

13? 16? or 18?
None of them make it acceptable, but if it's 13, it's marginally more understandable. 16 or 18, not so much.

Sorry you had to go through that, children can be epicly ungrateful, which sucks massively. Just know that you did the right thing, regardless of what their hormone-driven Kevinism says.

lborolass · 16/03/2016 09:29

Isn't it just normal for children to moan about their parents to their friends, justified or not.I wouldn't worry too much about what they are saying to each other, you know it's not true.

It sounds like everyday stuff to me and I haven't had the memo that says you can't tell your children off on their birthday - is that a thing?

Original poster
owlsintheflowerpatch · 16/03/2016 09:30

Apparently when their teachers ask them if they had a nice birthday they will be forced to tell them I ruined it, I'm awful and I don't even care Hmm

OP posts:
APlaceOnTheCouch · 16/03/2016 09:31

There is always a lot of pressure on birthdays - to have a great time, to give the birthday person a great time - and I think that's why things can get tense and go off the rails sometimes.
YY, exactly this. I always felt pressured on my birthdays when I was little and I don't think it came from my parents. It was just my personality. I worried about everything including whether or not I was showing I was happy enough with my presents, etc. For a lot of primary school, I would end up in tears at some point on my birthday. And I wasn't a bratty DC at all. It was just all the expectation, anticipation, etc. Now on DS' birthdays, I try to intervene as quickly as possible when I can see it all getting too much.

Marquand · 16/03/2016 09:32

I think the fact that it is probably a milestone birthday in the teenage years explains, but does not excuse it.

Roll your eyes, sigh, and expect more of this same. This affliction is terrible, but it is seldom fatal (unless you resort to murder, which is probably very much what you feel like doing). It eventually passes.

LagunaBubbles · 16/03/2016 09:34

You did the right thing. So what if they tell their friends they think youre awful etc.

PirateSmile · 16/03/2016 09:35

I knew it would be a 13th birthday...

YouMakeMyDreams · 16/03/2016 09:36

Sorry I know it's absolutely no help but I KNEW said child was going to be 13 and at a guess a girl.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/03/2016 09:37

Ah Pirate - you beat me to it! Grin

Original poster
owlsintheflowerpatch · 16/03/2016 09:38

Ibor they aren't threatening to moan about me to friends. They are going to tell on me to the teachers!

OP posts:
RudeElf · 16/03/2016 09:41

The teachers wont give a shiny shite. Youre worrying over nothing. Smile and nod. Its just a teen strop. Welcome to teendom! Grin

Liberated71 · 16/03/2016 09:42

Teachers have heard this kind of thing before - don't worry. According to my DS2 I am a complete party animal, always drinking etc... I rarely go out and might have a sherry on a Friday!