Apparently I have ruined dc1s birthday and they are going to tell everyone...

[owlsintheflowerpatch]

Went out of my way to try and give dc1 a nice birthday despite being a single parent, one income, no financial (or otherwise) support from ex.

Couldn't afford a party or day out but my Mum is paying for a cheap hotel at the seaside at Easter so they aren't missing out.

As it was a kind of milestone birthday I bought a keepsake gift they would like and then spent a small amount of money on cheapish items I knew they would really like and use plus one of those take out meals from the supermarket and a cake.

Dc1 came home telling me all about what nice things had happened at school. Lovely but no sign of thanks for anything I had done or got for them.

Dc1 lost some sweets in their room another child gave them and had a strop then started talking to me like utter crap, tone of voice, sniping at me, pulling a face when I spoke as though I was stupid.

Twice I warned
Dc don't talk to me like that
Dc I don't want to shout at you on your birthday but you need to stop talking to me like that.
The third time I told them off properly. They went into a full on strop shouting how awful I was, how mean I was, how I had ruined their birthday and how dare I tell them off on their birthday and I had ruined it and they were going to tell everyone how awful I was. I said ahh well at this threat and was told I didn't care about their birthday and had proven it.

This morning they have told me they are going to tell everyone at school how I ruined their birthday and how awful I am because it's the truth.

Apparently I should have let dc1 talk to me like crap because it was their birthday.

Oh bless you

Don't feel bad you tried your best to give a nice birthday despite only having one income.

You done the right thing, just because it's the birthday doesn't mean that they can't be told of. You are the mother and they should talk to you in a reasonable manner.

Don't worry about them telling teachers, friends you won't be the first mum to have told them off on birthdays and you won't be the last.

teachers know about thirteen year olds. doubt all but the most naive will be taken in.

Hormones my dear, nothing you do will be noticed at the moment. My mum pretty much got the roll eyes down to a T when I was at that stage. Now I have my own Dc I am beginning to realise what an ungreatful little toe rag I was!

I think yabu to expect a 13yo to understand the complexities of adult life and the amount of effort and sacrifice you as a parent have had to make. I'd go so far as giving a gift while stressing all the negatives of getting the gift is unfair and really puts a downer on things and you shouldn't do it.

It goes without saying your child should not be rude to you but it is typical teenager behaviour and it sounds like you managed that well.

My DD(14) jas said that she hates me a couple of times this year and i just say thats a shame but being a mum isn't a popularity contest.

If i had known how hard the teenage years would be, and that i would be doing it completely on my own, i would have stuck at one. I am dreading the youngest going through this and the next one is only 7!

Movingon
As I've said I didn't say anything to the dc about adult sacrifices or struggles. I only told them off for their behaviour.

I do hope the do tell their teacher how you ruined their birthday by telling them off for being a horror. That'll amuse the teacher, if nothing else.

I remember myself when I was 13. God, I must have been a horrendous creature to live with. I wish I could say I improved. I hope I have

Hi OP, if it's any consolation it does get better - I'm also a single parent, zero contact/financial support from day one and DD has gone through some slightly tricky times, e.g. wondering what awful thing I did to make my ex H leave (get pregnant and it was planned! - no, I haven't told her that). Trouble is, when you are feeling in a rubbish mood you do tend to take it out on the person closest to you. You reacted in exactly the right way, I seriously doubt that DC will say anything of the sort at school and underneath I am sure feels very proud and protective of you.

Don't worry about her "telling the teacher" LOL.

DH teaches this age group, and he knows exactly which girls (and boys) are trouble makers, liars and attention seekers....

I feel very sorry for you. It is horrible when you do your best to do A Nice Thing and make things lovely and it all gets thrown back in your face. I would be livid.

Children can be very cruel. Does s/he know how hard you tried to make things nice? I would be tempted to sit and have a talk later, when you're both calm. Not lay on a guilt trip. Just explain how hurt you felt when you had tried so hard to make the little you have stretch a long way, only to be told you had ruined the day. Just because s/he's a child doesn't mean s/he shouldn't take responsibility for her behaviour. It's how they learn not to cruel.

It was my birthday this time last week. I'd asked my mum for theatre tickets to see Hairspray and to make one a child's ticket Dd would love it. We love musicals love going to the theatre together.
I'd said I would take her to her favourite Chinese buffet restaurant for dinner. She came in from school super excited on the day. Couldn't wait.
My dad was taking us into town so I could have a glass of wine with dinner. Cue Dd having what can only be likened to a toddler tantruming that I was making her go. She didn't want to she want and she didn't have to. She eventually got on the car and made sarcastic comments the whole 35 minute journey which point I didn't want to spend the evening with her.
She did straighten her face and we had a great time then she had another whinge the next day about never doing anything or getting anything.
I'd saved a bit and spent nearly £100 on dinner, intermission drinks and ice cream plus souvenirs. Livid doesn't cover that weekend.

I think there are too many 'milestone' birthdays, - it puts pressure on everyone the parent and the child. To me 13 isn't a milestone it's just another birthday, but now it seems to be 10 (double figures) 13, 16, 18, 21, 30, 40 etc etc.

At the risk of sounding like a total old fart (yes I realise that ship has already sailed ) I got something special for my 21st everything else was just an ordinary birthday. I just think birthdays and other occasions can get a bit pressure filled because of built up expectations of it being something momentous.

I'm sure your DD (am guessing DD) did actually enjoy her presents and her day - at 13 they will pick up any stick they can find to beat you with if they are in a mood - just stay calm and carry on as normal. You were right to tell her off, teachers will be totally on your side - they have a whole room full of hormonal 13 year olds to deal with daily - they know what they are like

I teach teenagers. Teachers know how teenagers are. Your children's teacher are not going to think you ruined their birthday for one moment.

I have every respect for anyone who has a class of 30 teenagers all day without crying, killing them or both.

Oh dear god. DD's 5 and does things quite like this. I think I may need to stockpile some valium.

Apparently I was "really really rude" and I kept on "interrupting whilst I'm talking" when I asked her to take her school shoes off and put them away. She then shouted at me for repeating myself, stormed upstairs and slammed the door, then came back down with a face on because I hadn't given her a snack. I was in the kitchen making one Seems I was in the wrong because "I decide what I do" when getting home from school.

In the spirit of fairness I should point out that most of the time she is delightful, but when in a bad mood it's like having a portable thundercloud in the house.

'portable thundercloud in the house.'

Yes yes to this ^^

Some of the things I said to my parents at that age now make me really ashamed. Most teenagers can be little shits. Very much doubt they will stand up in class and say anything to the teacher about it and even if they did the teacher will not care. Teenagers might have a moan to their friends about how AWFUL their parents are and how UNFAIR their life is but that's just normal.
Don't worry about it and maybe remind dc that you are the parent, not their teacher so you make the rules