To want to scream in this woman's face?

[PopcornFiend]

My DD is 18 weeks. Has not slept through yet, but was ok - until 2 weeks ago she was having 1 night feed and settling fine after, so all manageable.

Now, it's like a switch has flicked and she is a nightmare. Unsettled, frequent wakings, thrashing about. I try giving extra feeds but she takes nothing or very little. The other night, she was wide awake at 3am and singing/babbling for an hour and a half. Then woke at 5.30am and did the same, until getting up time at 7am. She is in a co-sleeper cot next to me so I cannot escape the noise.

Last night was the worst - she woke up EVERY HOUR almost to the minute, between 10pm-6am. Thrashing, leg thumping. Not hungry, not wet, not even really crying or grumpy. Just awake and unsettled. I got 30-45 mins sleep at a time, ALL NIGHT. Today I feel like a broken shell.

Anyway. Just been to the childrens' centre to have DD weighed. Woman there with her 8 week old DS, cheerfully telling everyone in the waiting room that he feeds every 4 hours in the daytime and sleeps from 10pm-8am at night.

I know probably IABU to want to scream in her face, I should be happy for her and her miraculous sleeping baby. But I am so tired I cannot see straight, I just want to scream and cry and then drink a bottle of wine.

Thanks for listening.

YABU but you know that

you need sleep lovely lovely sleep and it was all seem less screamy

When I had DD, I found a whole bunch of women like this at Health Clinics and Baby and Toddler groups. When the sleeping ceased to be a problem, it became about how they would eat all varieties of food -especially the healthy kinds. Then it would be about behaviour and doing as they were told. When they start school, it's about how quickly they learn to read and write and add up. You have just discovered your first competitive parent.

Back to the point, in terms of sleeping, my DD was a nightmare. Not just for weeks but all the time. Sometimes she would get a little better then get worse. As soon as I mentioned her sleeping as a problem, I'd always get some tosser tell me their baby slept all night since she left the hospital. Now, someone on here said why shouldn't she boast? Well, let's look at it this way, if you have just been made redundant, do you want to hear about someone's new job? No. If you are up to your eyes in debt and can't even afford to stay in a rusty old caravan in Cleethorpes, do you want to hear about someone's exotic holiday, complete with holiday snaps? No.

I did learn to avoid baby groups for the above reasons. I also learnt to keep my distance from certain types of parents at the school, too.

Funnily enough, I didn't get this half as much with my DS, who is my second. He slept absolutely fine so bang go all the theories about it being down to parenting that they can sleep and, boy, were people mean about it, too - it was because I 'insisted' on breastfeeding, because I weaned too late, because I did not do controlled crying (I tried it but it didn't work - but, of course, that was because I was doing it wrong or did not persevere enough).

I think with DS, I was much more confident. I learnt what to and not talk about, I learnt who to avoid and I don't think I sent out the kick me vibe to people as much as I did with DD.

Oh you poor thing . No wonder you're feeling angry and irrational, sleep deprivation is awful. You know this, but the woman wasn't directing that at you. She's just in a little bubble of her own and would probably have felt terrible if she knew she'd upset you that much.

FYI - DC2 was a horrendous sleeper, I was a zombie for ages. HV kept telling me it was a phase, honestly all mothers go through it and implied that I was a wimp . DC2 had been a goodish sleeper at first too, and then it was as if a switch flipped and couldn't sleep any more.

After about 8 months we were backwards and forwards to the GP because of recurring ear infections, eventual diagnosis of glue ear and referral to ENT. It was the general discomfort of glue ear causing the poor sleep, we think. The poor sleep carried on for quite a while though - up to about 20 months.

Anyway, the point of my little ramble was that are you sure there are no physical reasons for your DC's sleep patterns changing? ie Ear infections, oral thrush etc? DC1 was a bugger for not sleeping if she was even the tiniest bit too warm or too cold, not helped by our bedroom fluctuating in temperature during the night (old house, crappy insulation).

Hope some of that was helpful.

Absolutely agree with gandalf.

Except the avoid baby groups thing - they were my lifeline, I just needed to find some people to talk to whose experience of sleep was more like mine and on stabby days, make sure I didn't sit next to one of the sleeping champions.

Ah ffs. Haven't RTFT but you know, sleep deprived mama feels like screaming at non-sleep deprived mama... just validate it and move on, or else scroll down. It doesn't matter if you've been there or not, just respond compassionately to the OP being a bit distressed - no lectures on how this mother is probably struggling in other ways necessary.

Elendon- no, she's not necessarily lying. Maybe she is but she doesn't have to be. One of my dc's pretty much slept more than she was awake for at least the first year of her life. She slept all night from almost birth and slept for 3 hours at a time during the day, waking for 1-2 hours then sleeping again. We called her rip van winkle. When she was mobile she would actually try and climb into her cot when she was ready for a nap.

the next dc, hardly ever slept at all though . It's the luck of the draw.

I feel for you op, sleep deprivation is the worst.

However I really disagree with some of the posts on here. It's not the woman's fault, she is not bragging and there is no need for karma to come round to her or for it to be her turn etc. For all anyone knows the woman was talking to someone who asked her about her baby's sleeping. Should she lie in case someone hears her? It's not as if op was complaining about sleep and this woman choose then to point out her prefect sleeper, op overheard her.

I hope your baby's sleeping patterns improve soon op and you get more rest.

Please don't be too hard on yourself,
Dd1 fed every 2 hours in the night till about 10 months then once or twice a night till about 15 months.
I know it's hard coping with little sleep but it might not improve for a while yet, so try not to make yourself miserable over it.

Dd is a hulking great 2 year old now and sleeps 7pm-9am every night without fail, they're only little for such a short time.

My DD was not a good sleeper at that age. I remember my SIL saying "oh, if she doesn't fall back asleep just put her on the playmat, she'll fall asleep playing when she's ready" Er.. Maybe not. Some just don't know what a tricky sleeper is. However.. She had an easy baby, but now has a difficult 4yr old.
Hang on in there. And don't forget you are doing a great job. Hope it gets better soon.

"sleep deprived mama"

As an aside, if there is one word likely to make my teeth itch, it is calling other grown women "mama"!

And thank you SO much for sharing that, Countess. It has brought immeasurable value to the thread, I'm sure. Nothing like a bit of ego. I'm terribly sorry you have itchy teeth - are they dentures?

You are being a little unreasonable in wanting to scream at HER - it's not her fault she got lucky with a good sleeper.

YANBU to want to scream in general you must be knackered.

Her DC may struggle terribly down the line with other things, be it education or friendships, or turn into the very devil the morning of their 13th birthday. Nobody gets a stress free 18 years, don't begrudge her her luck now as tempting as it is, all runs of easy parenting are temporary.

But maybe she sleeps through her baby's gurgling /chatting and only responds when they're distressed.
I really think that's what i did with mine, not on purpose like

YANBU to want to.

But I'm echoing others: she may be lying or exaggerating, or she may be counting her chickens a bit early - a few weeks can change everything, as you are finding out.

Also yes, 4 month sleep regression and wonder weeks influencing sleep and demeanour were very much true with my daughter. I found the No Cry Sleep Solution a really good read too - sleep training of course not recommended so young but the book isn't really about training so much as it is about understanding normal sleep patterns in babies and good sleep hygiene.

It is torturous at the time but it does pass. Going to bed when baby does is a brilliant idea, a few extra hours kip can make all the difference to how you are feeling.

Hope your DD starts sleeping a bit more soon.

DD is 11 weeks and hasn't slept longer than 2 hours in her life. If you'd told me about how well your baby was sleeping at this stage I may have felt like screaming in your face. During the night last night I was so tired and confused I couldn't remember whether I needed to feed DD or if I had just fed her and needed to try and settle her.

Anyway, all babies are different and I don't think you can get too het up with people talking about what their baby does.

Do have to say, this thread has been really useful. DD is a proper toddler now and the broody hormones have kicked in. I now remember why I am never, ever having more kids and am sending DH to get the snip asap.

Jeepers! Sleep deprivation is just so awful - it made me bleat like a sheep, and my eyebrows slipped to where my chin used to be. In comparison early days not too bad - I was running on adrenaline though.

Then we had sleep regression at 9 months just when I thought we were sorted - it was quite desperate.