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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to scream in this woman's face?

94 replies

PopcornFiend · 15/03/2016 11:26

My DD is 18 weeks. Has not slept through yet, but was ok - until 2 weeks ago she was having 1 night feed and settling fine after, so all manageable.

Now, it's like a switch has flicked and she is a nightmare. Unsettled, frequent wakings, thrashing about. I try giving extra feeds but she takes nothing or very little. The other night, she was wide awake at 3am and singing/babbling for an hour and a half. Then woke at 5.30am and did the same, until getting up time at 7am. She is in a co-sleeper cot next to me so I cannot escape the noise.

Last night was the worst - she woke up EVERY HOUR almost to the minute, between 10pm-6am. Thrashing, leg thumping. Not hungry, not wet, not even really crying or grumpy. Just awake and unsettled. I got 30-45 mins sleep at a time, ALL NIGHT. Today I feel like a broken shell.

Anyway. Just been to the childrens' centre to have DD weighed. Woman there with her 8 week old DS, cheerfully telling everyone in the waiting room that he feeds every 4 hours in the daytime and sleeps from 10pm-8am at night.

I know probably IABU to want to scream in her face, I should be happy for her and her miraculous sleeping baby. But I am so tired I cannot see straight, I just want to scream and cry and then drink a bottle of wine.

Thanks for listening.

OP posts:

originalusernamefail · 15/03/2016 12:54

YANBU to feel fed up and YWBU to actually scream in her face. DS1 slept through from BIRTH and had to be woken to feed, still loves his bed now at 2.5. However for the 41 weeks of his pregnancy I never slept more than 1-1.5 hours at a stretch as severe HG meant my own saliva would make me vomit and SPD meant running for the loo / going back to bed was agony. I think every parent gets their share of sleepless nights they just arrive at different times, whether it's before they arrive, as babies, or teenagers on the lash

DS2 does not sleep at all unless he's laying on me / DH so I didn't get 2 sleepers!

Everythinggettingbigger · 15/03/2016 12:55

i wish I would have gotten 30-45 mins sleep at a time....I used to get this in total of broken sleep through the night, 5 mins here, 5 mins there....my DS was an absolute NIGHTMARE!! now at 5 years old.....he still is!! still doesn't sleep through the night and wakes multiple times......I do get a good few hours now though.....30 weeks with DS2....if he doesn't sleep both boys are getting left on a step somewhere (disclaimer....I would never actually leave my children before someone has a heart attack)

I know the feeling of wanting to scream in peoples faces.... even worse when they try and give you tips on getting your own child....(like they know anything about them ) to sleep!! scream away!!!

Backingvocals · 15/03/2016 12:57

I remember telling the Dr that DS, at ten weeks, had slept through. I wasn't boasting - it was only the Dr - but it was a big breakthrough. Two weeks later he got bronchiolitis and then embarked on a year long series of ear infections and basically didn't sleep through the night again for another two years

He's six now and I still haven't got over the hell of that couple of years

LittleBlackTrilby · 15/03/2016 13:00

I hate all this 'bragging' and 'she must be lying' shit too.

My kids are/were really good sleepers from pretty early on. If someone had asked me how they slept, should I have lied to spare the feelings of random passers by who might be a bit bloody tired? It's not bragging to state facts.

toobreathless · 15/03/2016 13:01

Moving baby into her own room at this age would be against the safer sleep guidelines. It may also absolutely be the right decision - just mentioning it so OP can make an informed decision.

I have three DC. They have all been good sleepers, easy toddlers, good eaters. Parenthood has been pretty straightforward, that's probably why I had three in 4 years! But DH is away for long periods (6 months at a time) in the forces which is tough. When people say these things I am genuinely pleased for them, everyone has their battles.

JanetOfTheApes · 15/03/2016 13:01

I have a none sleeping baby at the moment. I'm so knackered its making me ill.
But I still don't get why its ok to aim your bad feeling at someone else who you don't even know. I know she doesn't know about this post, but everyone chiming in calling her a liar, saying the baby shouldn;t sleep that long, she'll get paid back for it...its just fucking horrible, whether she knows or not. ]

Thinking awful things about other people doesn't change your situation at all.

Mrsantithetic · 15/03/2016 13:04

Meh

Neither of mine sleep through. One is 3 and the other 18 months. Both obsessed with boob although have weaned eldest now and her sleep is a tad better for the most part.

I'm used to hearing how I should let them cry, not offer boob, stop being soft etc

Swings and roundabouts. I didn't sleep through until I was pregnant with Dc1 at the end of my 29th year so I'm not holding out much hope for mine!

peggyundercrackers · 15/03/2016 13:05

why would she be making it up? both of ours slept through from 7:30pm to about 8 in the morning from about 4 months - obviously they both like their beds. we haven't experienced any sleep regression at any age even when teething. DD also liked a sleep in the afternoon for an hour but shes out of that now.

every child is different - just because her children do something doesn't mean they are better or worse than yours.

easydiy · 15/03/2016 13:07

Oh hun I completely understand where you are coming from, it won't last forever. I have actually been on both sides of that one I'm afraid. First Dc woke every 30 mins for one reason or another, I was literally asleep standing during the day and it did me want to shout in the faces of others. Dc 2 slept through for 6-8 hours really early on which made my Dsis want to shout at me, and she did one day!

splendide · 15/03/2016 13:10

It's just completely impossible to be rational when you're that sleep deprived. I remember that being a really tough stage for us and sleep. Then he got better for a bit then bad again and seems to be in quite a prolonged decent stage now (he's 16 months).

I remember thinking I'd so anything for 3 unbroken hours of sleep but then when you come out the other side (even for a wee bit) it doesn't seem as dreadful or as endless.

Good luck and I hope it turns round for you soon!

IdealWeather · 15/03/2016 13:14

Yes dc1 slept like this too. Nothing to do with me, it's just the way he was.
But I would have probably said something like that out of sheer relief he was actually sleeping as there is no way I would have coped with PND iff he hadn't been sleeping at all on the top of it

Both dc also slept on the afternoon for about 1h30.

Tbh, I think that part of how well a baby sleeps is down to their temperament (eg dc2 didn't sleep through until he was over 2yo) but there is also such a thing as teaching your baby to sleep (eg the nap ion the afternoon was very much a taught up stuff)

splendide · 15/03/2016 13:17

Although having said that it didn't seem that dreadful, it was bad enough (along with the PND which it possibly caused) that I'm not having another.

Fratelli · 15/03/2016 13:19

It's probably the sleep regression! We had 8 weeks of ds waking every hour and a half. But it passes. That's what you have to hold on to!

whathaveiforgottentoday · 15/03/2016 13:25

My dd1 was a brilliant sleeper throughout her 1st year and I would have been a mum to thump! Now, she is one of the most difficult children I know and is slowly driving us crazy! They all get you one stage or another so that mum's turn will come.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 15/03/2016 13:26

Meant to say she's 10 years old now and we do love her dearly even if she is a pain in the backside.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/03/2016 13:28

YAsortofNBU.

However. My child hasn't slept through and is 9.5 years old. So at 18 weeks its quite early days. Hang in there.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/03/2016 13:29

I'm sure yours won't be 9.5 years old :)

However I do get a bit frustrated at folk raging about under 1s not sleeping

Not entirely serious though, sleep deprivation is hell for however long. Hope it stops soon. I have heard 4 months old is a bad age for sleep.

HazelBite · 15/03/2016 13:32

I have 4 sons, each one of them was a brilliant sleeper from the get go, however it was probably because they were exhausted from running me ragged all day every day and with all of them they ceased to have a little daytime nap at about 7-8 months old.

It really is swings and roundabouts OP

AMouseLivedinaWindMill · 15/03/2016 13:35

sorry your going through a tough time but over all you need to learn to separate what other peoples dc do compared to your own. The day may come when your dc is sleeping beautifully, you mention this in public and someone else hears,and wants to scream in YOUR face not very nice.

I have two dc, and I found the baby stage very manageable with them both, yes, hard, but manageable.

Its toddlerdom I struggle with, and my toddler is still waking up, at either midnight or 2 am and comes into our bed, wakes me up, I find it really hard to fall asleep again, the other night she woke me at 2am and I was awake till 5ish, then dh, who had to go and sleep in her toddler bed ( he is 6ft plus) left his phone which started to go off at 6am, and I was shaking it, trying to swipe until, bleary eyed I saw it had a maths question to complete.... BUT I meet friends they say their toddler is sleeping through, it doesn't make me want to scream in their face.

Its not just the sleeping, I find toddlerdom and its mad irrationality so soul crushing, wont get in the car, wont get out the car, wont get in the car without coat, cant do straps with coat, straps now too loose without coat but screams when straps put back, wont let me open the banana but she cant open the banana, screams at me for offering to help then screams because I do help! its a nightmare. I am glad if other mothers out there are finding it easier !!

You should be happy that the other mother is not having to go through what you are. You will have other things far more easy than her, its the way it goes.

RainOnTheRoof · 15/03/2016 13:52

Of course YABU to want to scream in her face. But you know this.

My DC3 has been an amazing sleeper. She slept 11-7.30ish from 5 weeks, and 7-7 from about 4 months. She was EBF, and I had done nothing differently than with DCs 1 and 2, who were such horrendous sleepers as babies (think hourly wakings for the first 6 months...) that I've pretty much blocked the whole thing out (but I do remember feeling unsafe to drive, and permanently ill through sleep exhaustion). DC2 (4) has still only slept through a handful of times, and often wakes us several times a night. It really is luck of the draw, and she's not necessarily lying. I made a real point of never mentioning DC3's sleep unless I was specifically asked, but if people did ask I wasn't going to lie. One friend, with a similar aged baby, refused to see me for a few weeks because her DD was sleeping badly and she said it annoyed her to see my so well rested .

I'm sorry your baby isn't sleeping. It is hard going. But it's nothing to do with what anyone else's baby is doing.

seafoodeatit · 15/03/2016 13:53

YANBU, those early days made me want to pull my hair out and eat it. We had the reverse problem though, we had to wait until 4 months for ds to start sleeping for longer than two hours at a time, he hated feeding so it was a horrible routine of slowly feed for an hour, sleep for barely two, wake and repeat all night.

bigbuttons · 15/03/2016 14:03

why would you want to scream in her face? She has a baby that sleeps. It's not her fault that you haven't. She hasn't one anything wrong.
What an odd way to view things.

Elendon · 15/03/2016 14:03

She's lying. My dd2 slept for 6 hours each night from birth, I know!, but she only slept for one hour during the day, one nap only. I couldn't understand naps during the day, though dd1 was grumpy if she didn't have her nap, and was a terrible nighttime sleeper.

CoffeeAndOranges · 15/03/2016 14:05

I can't link to it using this version of Mumsnet but there's a thread on the Sleep board called Listen up tired mama! Lots of folks on that board in the same boat, I have just gravitated there myself - DS has reflux and it wakes him up and stops him getting back to sleep again. Daytime naps are a battle too. One of the mums in our NCT group has a seemingly magical sleeping perfect baby but I know she had a dreadful time in birth so I don't begrudge her.. Much

I know how hard it is when others grumble about their baby waking up twice and I inwardly scream 'what wouldn't I give to only be woken up twice!! But as other have said everyone will have their own parental cross to bear. I do have a wailing sob cry every night and day from time to time, but I just have to keep repeating 'this too shall pass' and be thankful that he is healthy and happy in other respects and that I am able to give him a stable warm and loving home. Things could be so much worse (thinking of all the poor migrant mums).

ctjoy103 · 15/03/2016 14:07

^why would you want to scream in her face? She has a baby that sleeps. It's not her fault that you haven't. She hasn't one anything wrong.
What an odd way to view things.^

This, I get that you are a bit bitter about your situation but it's not going to help wishing she was as unhappy as you. Some people do have easy babies, that's just life.

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