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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think horrible SILs have taken over horrible MILs

103 replies

Dollymixtureyumyum · 14/03/2016 22:30

I hate my SIL she is totally batshit crazy but until i came on here I did not realise how common it was. There seems to be at least three SIL threads a day. What has happened to trigger to rise of the batshit Sister in law

OP posts:

PennyDropt · 15/03/2016 07:41

Surely there must be something in your own family's dynamic that DB is attracted to and marries a mad or insecure woman.

Though in my ILs family no-one was good enough for their dour, grumpy DCs, MIL 'suffered' all 4 of us.

My DB married a posh, lazy DW, had no DCs. This followed the pattern of my uncle in the previous generation. Odd.

GrinAndTonic · 15/03/2016 07:44

My SIL isn't bat shit crazy just incredibly immature. She didn't finish school, has never really held done a job and has been supported by my DB their entire relationship (his choice I know). She thinks boys wearing pink makes them gay.

Fuzz01 · 15/03/2016 07:53

I have three sil get on well with DB2 wife and my DB sister 1 the second one doesnt get involved in family events , keeps herself to herself.

I would most likely say i was the batshit sil but i tend to call things on i see it. DB1 has had poor taste in woman since hes split with his long term partner. Werid behaviours from them and very full on thankfully hes managed to get rid of the current one who refused to work at all dispite no dependants. So poor DB was supporting the household. I think there should be a thread for crazy ex partners aswell

IrishDad79 · 15/03/2016 07:57

Are some women just pre-programmed to hate their female in-laws? (or more pertinently perhaps, are some women pre-programmed to hate their sons'/brothers' wives? Seems to happen so often.

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 15/03/2016 08:18

I've got an awful SIL too (and DH has two awful SILs because my sister is a nightmare).

BIL's wife is really not a nice person. The PILs are very worried about it. BIL's taste in women runs to the needy, high maintenance and extremely selfish and SIL has all that in abundance. She's done several very unpleasant things that show contempt for the PILs (she barely acknowledges DH and I exist, which I think is a mercy) and which also makes it clear that she doesn't really care about BIL. For example, BIL collapsed at work and was taken to hospital by ambulance. Turned out to be his appendix. SIL (who can drive but doesn't like to) wouldn't even get the bus or even a taxi to the hospital to see him and insisted that she would only visit if the PILs drove her. BIL and SIL were due to go on holiday two days after he was discharged (after a major abdominal operation) and she refused to cancel or even go on her own. No, she insisted that he came and that he was responsible for the luggage because she's too wonderful and precious to wheel a suitcase along or lift it off a belt.

My sister (so poor DH's SIL) is a million times worse. I don't even know where to start, she's that bad.

snickers251 · 15/03/2016 08:20

I don't hate my sil but at times her and her dp can be very competitive but it's less these days as they're not doing so well financially so less boasting and they are more down to earth.

We have more time for them these days

QuiteLikely5 · 15/03/2016 08:24

My SiL is only happy when she's got something to criticise us for. I avoid her like the plague. The other isn't so bad but I liken them to the Ugly sisters from Cinderella. Totally appropriate for how they are and yes the step mother is MiL

suzannecaravaggio · 15/03/2016 08:27

The SIL is the emissary of the MIL 😱😵😲😷😈

StepAwayFromTheThesaurus · 15/03/2016 08:29

To balance things out, my PILs are lovely. That's what makes it all the worse when SIL is awful to them.

Poor DH has a bit of a nightmare MIL (who totally enables his nightmare SIL).

monkeymamma · 15/03/2016 08:30

Pointless generalisation. I have one SIL and absolutely adore her. I have no MIL either and would have loved to know DH's mum. So while I have sympathy with anyone with difficult relatives I think this is a pretty silly thread (and slightly misogynist too). Plenty of difficult relatives of both genders out there if you read enough aibu!

curren · 15/03/2016 08:31

Are some women just pre-programmed to hate their female in-laws? (or more pertinently perhaps, are some women pre-programmed to hate their sons'/brothers' wives? Seems to happen so often.

I don't think so I loved my brothers last LTR.

curren · 15/03/2016 08:35

Surely there must be something in your own family's dynamic that DB is attracted to and marries a mad or insecure woman.

I think so. My brother had a LTR with a very lovely mom competitive woman. It didn't suit him. Dbro can be as batshit as sil. Though more diplomatic.

He always prefers women who are as competitive as him quite high maintenance and quiet selfish. Which is what he is like. On their eyes they always come first. No questions. It's what unites him and his wife.

curren · 15/03/2016 08:39

So while I have sympathy with anyone with difficult relatives I think this is a pretty silly thread (and slightly misogynist too). Plenty of difficult relatives of both genders out there if you read enough aibu!

Over the last month I have noticed a lot of threads about sils on quite a few boards. That's what the Op is referring to.

HippyPottyMouth · 15/03/2016 08:45

It's the luck of the draw. It's a family member you haven't grown up with and haven't chosen. I have one awesome one (my DB's wife) and one nutty one (BIL's partner). The nutty one is very competitive - painted her house the same as mine although she's great at interior design and I'm not, got the same pets as me but lots, where I only have 2, and compares minute for minute the amount of time MIL spends with us. MIL looks after DD, her only GC, one day a week, and apart from that I don't see her that much, but SIL spends time there often. She still thinks I'm 'winning,' whereas I don't think about it unless I'm in a conversation like this one. If she had DCs, MIL would undoubtedly give her the same or probably more support, as my mum is nearby and SIL's isn't, so her need would be greater.

strawberrypenguin · 15/03/2016 08:49

My MIL is amazing, my SIL on the other hand - not so much, she's very 'all about her'.

middlings · 15/03/2016 08:53

I have one SIL (married to DPs sister) we are united in our amusement at our spouses family's madness.

WipsGlitter - I have a inlaw like that, only it's DBIL (married to DH's sister). The two of us have the amused eyeroll down pat. Usually as we're trying to herd the biggest bunch of procrastinators in the world into order.

Milzilla · 15/03/2016 08:59

I ❤️ my SIL. One of my favourite people!!

MIL can be lovely but is a bit batty. She has booked a weekend away for when we get married but is 'popping back' for the wedding

paddypants13 · 15/03/2016 09:01

I also love my SIL! On the face of it we have nothing in common but our values are the same. Also, she adores my children and I adore her stepson so that is a massive plus.

HazelBite · 15/03/2016 09:01

My Brother has been married 3 times all to extremely nice women (don't know what they see in him?) out of 5 SIL's only one is a little "odd" she takes anything and everything anyone says the wrong way and analyses every bit of conversation you have with her.
I have hidden from her (when I've noticed her in town) in the past as I've not felt mentally alert enough to deal with her, on that occasion. My other SIl has confessed to hiding behind a postbox to avoid talking to her!

The worst In Law has to be my BIL (my youngest sisters husband), he's such a bloody know-all, and always right to boot and is deeply suspicious of everyone. My sister just panders to him and is getting just as bad. They have fallen out or upset everyone in our very large extended family.

Bluebolt · 15/03/2016 09:06

I have five SILs and have found that each one has a different expectation of how the relationship should be. From one who would be horrified if a made a drink in her home to another who would be equally horrified if I sat on my arse and didn't put the kettle on. In all cases it is the female of the house who sets the tone and it took a few years to find the right approach with each one.

OurBlanche · 15/03/2016 09:12

I have 2 SILs:

PoisonousSIL I have written about a lot. It has been more than 10 years since we have met in person but she still cannot bear to accord me any politeness. From the very beginning she decided I was somehow dangerous to her standing in life and treated me accordingly. I think it was only made worse by the fact that I understood why she disliked me, told her that it didn't matter and that we could try and be civil for family gatherings. But no, she just went to work on her DH, my DHs DB... made it impossible for them to be friends too.

StonerSIL is more insidious, DH still isn't sure that his little sister is a bitch, just that in choosing to be a persistent 'smoker' she has lost the plot a bit. That she is gay is of no consequence, but her persistent pouring of vitriol is. I lost interest in being polite when it became obvious that both she and BIL were angry that their DB was not the useless waste of space, lackwit, fuck up they ahd always considered him to be.

When he said he wanted to do an Access course and then an engineering degree they all (MIL and SFIL included) tried to dissaude him. He was, apparently, giving up a perfectly good job (NMW in a factory); too stupid to do a degree (yeah, that one flew well) and, the best, being brainwashed by a snobbish bitch who just wanted him for his money - not sure about the logic of that one, but it certaily explained how they saw me!

I know I am not like them. I am not an outgoing, uber party animal with hollow legs. I was ill for years (ME/CFS) and I have always suspected they saw my non attendance at weekends as a personal slight. DH used to go, explain, again, that I was ill, get the eye rolls, sympathy and a pint

Now they just think we are too big for our boots. We have a house, 2 cars and a pleasant enough lifestyle because, even though I have not always managed to be in full time work, we have not Bought for Britain nor holidayed somewhere exotic every year for th last 30 years.

Sory, that was an essay. But they are at the forefront of my mind as I have started a business and I am waiting for the snide contacts to start.

ApocalypseSlough · 15/03/2016 09:16

I have three and an ex one I'm fbook friends with and its all very civilised. The 2 married to my dbros are quite different but we run along nicely. My finest hour was phoning one up to apologise when my DD corrected my raving about a party by saying, 'it was lovely mum except when dsil heard you calling her sons wet.' She was very gracious and I love and admire her for that.
Other sil is toxic and I live in fear things will blow up in a machete wielding way.

Northernlurker · 15/03/2016 09:22

I have two and they are both lovely. There are tiny things usually about the way they do something dc related which are different from me but basically we are out of the same box. One is my dh's sister and one married his brother so I have an alliance with bil's wife especially as we both hate wasps and mil thinks you should show no weakness to them

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 15/03/2016 09:24

I love my SIL (DB's wife). We don't live in each others pockets, but when the shit hits the fan we can depend on each other to step up. I'd walk over hot coals for her.

My MIL is the stuff of legends, pure evil wrapped up in the guise of a sweet little old lady.

loubielou2 · 15/03/2016 09:30

I must be pretty lucky. I have two lovely SILs. One is kind, thoughtful and a kindred spirit. She has a lot to put up with with my DB though. She works hard and will always put herself out for others. I love her to bits. DH's sister is quieter and more reserved, not tactile at all like my family, but also wonderful. Less easy to talk to but I know she will always be there for us. Quirky sense of humour, chilled. Wonder what they would say about me!

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