to feel discriminated at work for not having children

[rosieposie2]

Don't get me wrong I have a lot of respect for working mothers/fathers but recently in work have been feeling discriminated against.

There are 6 people in my department, 3 mothers, 1 father (John) and myself and another(Sue) without a child. Three of us at work take it in turns to work till 6 (the 3 mothers can't as they have children to pick up from nursery).

Last Thursday I asked to leave at 5.30pm as I had an appointment, Sue was rota'd to work till 6 but phoned in sick and John couldn't because he had to look after his children. Our manager told us that one of us would have to stay till 6pm and all the parents said that it would have to be me.

I understand that they all had children to pick up but then one of them turns round and says hubby is picking daughter up and she's going shopping!

AIBU to feel that because I'm childless I should be made to feel worthless.

OP I'm trying to understand why you feel it was a problem for you that the office wasn't covered that one time - rather than for your manager to raise with all of the staff?

Finola - the working parents except John aren't on the rota till 6, I'm on the rota till 6 on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

We all have the same contract which states our hours are set round the needs of the business but only myself and Sue are the ones expected to do extra hours/work late.

The reality is half of the top talent in the world is female unless we can support parents in the workplace then a default situation occurs where one parent cannot work and very often that ends up being a woman

While this is true, it is not a justification for making the workplace more unfair for other women (or men).
My DH is a nurse. During school holiday periods parents get first preference for holidays under his manager. But I am a teacher- it's the only time we can have a holiday together. He has worked 6 Christmas Days of the last 7. It is assumed because he is childless he would prefer New Year off (which he doesn't)

Should he be punished twice for marrying someone who is infertile?

Finola is correct that the issue was who could cover for Sue's sick leave. Could/did your manager do it in the end? That seems fair enough to me (although I think shopping woman should have done it).

Do you get paid extra for the extra hours worked?

isitmeor - its not a problem for me I just felt upset they way the parents expected me to work till 6pm just because I didn't have a child to pick up.

The manager didn't raise the issue with all staff just myself, Sue and John - maybe only us because we were the only staff in the next day or maybe because we are the only ones he expects till work till 6 - I'm not sure

I'd be fuming at that
I still don't understand how it works though - as you, John and sue are the only ones expected to work till 6 do you do fewer hours at other times? Get paid more? Work them unpaid?

While the OP is getting a raw deal which should be more blanched I would commend the workplace for trying to accommodate parents.

Everyone should be accommodated where possible. Just because people may not be parents it doesn't mean they a) don't have a life outside of work b) don't have other commitments.

It really annoys me.

We either get paid or leave 30mins earlier

Oh sorry you mention a rota.
So I'd be making sure you are rotaed for roughly one (or two, however many staff neebed) sixths of the lates and then not worry about the others.

YANBU.
I quit a job in the past because my boss took the absolute piss with late starts, early finishes and random days off because her kids were "sick". I know they weren't sick all the time because she was spotted by a mutual friend shopping on her own.
I also had a young child at the time so completely understood the predicament when one is ill, but she really took advantage.
Fair is fair, and a policy needs to be put in place to ensure that. In my situation I was left to run the bloody place (on a lot less money) and effectively do her job. So I quit.

"isitmeor - its not a problem for me I just felt upset they way the parents expected me to work till 6pm just because I didn't have a child to pick up"

Did you raise it clearly Tt he time?

Ther's nothing wrong with having a flexible working policy.

Where it goes wrong is when parents thinks the childless people should be expected to pick up the parents slack.

I have children, and no way would I have allowed parents on my staff to assume they could take the piss in leaving early, etc

If you take a job on, it's up to you to sort childcare if required, not for your fellow workers to always being the ones to cover for you to leave early, etc.

There are 6 people in OP's department, so all 6 should be taking turns to stop until 6pm. The manager is at fault here for letting this situation carry on.

I feel your pain. Big believer in employers being supportive of parents, but it can feel a bit unfair to non-parents sometimes. Where I work (NHS) if you are a parent you can always take a/l, toil etc if it's child related, even at v short notice. No child = jumping through hoops.

Everyone should be accommodated where possible. Just because people may not be parents it doesn't mean they a) don't have a life outside of work b) don't have other commitments

I have absolutely zero flexibility in my career so it is DH who does all the 'parenting' extras during term time as he owns his own business but personally I do think that those with caring responsibilities require more flexibility and I do think that as a society we should prioritise that. Looking after children properly is a priority for our society bit just the individual family.

Bit=not

NC for this, as this whole issue is really beginning to annoy me. Although my kids are older now, I've never pulled the "I've got kids so I can't" card, but I'm seeing it more and more now. I work in a school and we've even had a few teachers recently who've said they can't do some parents' evenings as they can't get childcare. By "can't," in one case, this meant someone who has only ever left her girls (of junior school age, no SN) with her mum, who was unavailable. She wouldn't ask her husband.

Someone else took three or four mornings off to take her child for some (minor) medical appointments when her husband was at home, unemployed. Another had two whole days off when her son (who was 16) was off school with a minor ailment.

Sorry, but these things can give us women a bad name in the workplace. In all but one of the cases I've quoted, there were men on the scene who could have stepped in. My dp and I have always shared any care that's been needed.

it shouldn't be a flexible workplace for parents at the expense of others, there is also some blatant sexism going on in that it seems less "flexible" for John even tho he is a parent - frankly if he can do the lates so can the women, lets face it if you all did it would be once a week with a week off every now and then

I don't think anyone's saying it's a bad thing that parents can work flexibly, just that flexible working should be equally available to everyone else too.

YANBU - a Mum now but this used to drive me mad.

Whilst I agree with you that you shouldn't be expected to pick up the slack purely because you are not a parent, and shopping lady is a massive twat, I do think that in general you will find more discrimination against parents than there is against non-parents.

For example, being overlooked for promotion whilst on maternity leave, or because of being part time. Missing important team meetings because they have been scheduled for non working days. Not considered for career progression because it's assumed you are planning more children. Etc etc.

My company has a supposed family friendly policy but I experience very little support to accommodate my family situation. I am expected to drop everything and rearrange child care at very short notice in order to accommodate the whims of the business.

So I do sympathise with you, but it works both ways.

Should he be punished twice for marrying someone who is infertile?

No, definitely not Kitty. Infertility is bad enough without being treated like a second-class citizen as well.

I do think that those with caring responsibilities require more flexibility and I do think that as a society we should prioritise that. Looking after children properly is a priority for our society bit just the individual family.

Caring doesn't always just equal justDC.

So those that can't or don't want to have DC should always come way down the list. How is that fair?

Maybe yes some flexibility bit there should also be give and take. It doesn't give people the right to stomp over everyone else.

This is rubbish and even parents should have a turn at working a little more, most are likely to have a partner or other support, although I can understand if they literally have no help as childcare that's runs later than 6ish is hard to find. I have a friend who has felt the same pressure but has health issues as well as a life outside work. I have found DH has had similar issues with not getting flexibility being a Dad with a wife at home. In his case it's been an issue because the only parents were much older and more senior so there was no experience of managing parents, and he is male - his flexible working request was turned down immediately by his manager when he verbally enquired - he was told not to even bother, there's no reason why he couldn't work part time. if I can get back into the workplace I'll be making sure I'm an equal and able to share pick ups so I can work late at times.