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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is DH about snack food?

99 replies

BloodyPlantagenets · 14/03/2016 19:42

This is petty, you have been warned.

We are skint (not on the breadline, but one income at the moment) and trying to cut back on things. We used to top the teenagers' lunch money up with £50 a month but this was unsustainable so now they take a packed lunch. Part of the lunch is a kit Kat or similar. So obvs we have these in the cupboard. Dh also takes a packed lunch.

I was at home with the preschooler today and after a big breakfast and lunch he was still hungry this afternoon. Our shopping day is tomorrow so there were slim pickings in the house, we'd run out of bananas and apples and there were only prawn cocktail crisps left so I gave him a kitkat.

Dh got really pissy about this when he got home, even though I'd made sure there were enough left for tomorrow. He says that I shouldn't let ds2 have the packed lunch food, I said that he's a growing boy and needs to eat between meals (he's a bit of a grazer anyway).

So the upshot is, I've ordered plenty of snacky things for everyone this week which means the food bill has gone up slightly. AIBU to think food is the one thing I'm not prepared to scrimp on, and dh needs to be a bit more accommodating about the whole 'snacks' issue? He thinks we should all be eating three meals and that's it except he eats at least four bowls of cereal a day.

He's just nipped out and I've put the online shop through, which he will check when he gets in and query all the snacks. So do I stand my ground or not?

OP posts:

Helloitsme88 · 14/03/2016 21:22

Shop at lidl and save £30 a week

ouryve · 14/03/2016 21:29

I can't get pat snacks still being there after almost a week with teenagers in the house.

cleaty · 14/03/2016 21:40

There may be other issues in your relationship. But no, kids do not need snacks. In france children have 3 meals, a small meal when they get home from school, and that is it.

Artistic · 14/03/2016 22:06

FWIW my toddler easily has 5-6 small meals in a day. Of which lunch & dinner are a bit bigger. If she doesn't, she starts going quiet & sleepy as she eats small meals and then burns it quickly by being super busy (don't ask!). It's cruel to not feed a child if they need food, you did the right thing, thought KitKat wouldn't be my choice of food

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 14/03/2016 22:08

Ds2 proudly announced 'I ate one of your Kitkats, Daddy' as soon as dh was through the door.

I may be taking this too literally, but what's with the 'YOUR Kitkats Daddy'?

MrsHathaway · 14/03/2016 22:15

I think you're doing fine, OP.

I spent over £100 in Aldi the other day, with a half-depth trolley and with no alcohol. If it isn't your usual shop it isn't cheaper to go there.

SuperLoveFuzz · 15/03/2016 01:55

I wondered the same TheDevil

mathanxiety · 15/03/2016 04:10

Cereal costs more than steak per pound, OP. You'll never save money if DH is eating four bowls of it a day.

And I was also going to ask how the preschooler knows the KitKats are Daddy's.

How privileged is daddy in the household, would you say, OP?

MsJamieFraser · 15/03/2016 04:16

In france children have 3 meals, a small meal when they get home from school, and that is it.

Maybe in your household, but I know plenty of French families who don't just have 3 meals a day.

TippyTappyLappyToppy · 15/03/2016 05:00

I am a bit baffled why if you are on one income atm and need to watch the pennies for a bit you are doing an online shop with Ocado at all.

Ocado is expensive, and online shopping is always more expensive than going directly into the supermarket anyway, even at the cheaper stores because they don't give you the same level of choice for bulk sizes etc.

I'm a bit freaked out by the level of control and apportionment over food in your house. If you really were on the breadline I would understand it, but I have a five person household with teenagers too and we've never 'counted out' individual allocations of food items like you do - it's all a bit weird. I would find that incredibly stressful. Your DH sounds like a PITA.

nooka · 15/03/2016 05:31

Obviously it's not the same as being truly skint, but going from not having any worries about money to being on a budget can be a hard transition. Suddenly you realise how much things cost and little treats become indulgences you can't really afford.

We did it the other way around, in that dh became a SAHD. I'm afraid he got a fixed amount of cash every week for shopping (he does have a history of being bad with money). We all have pack lunches (school doesn't have a cafeteria) and snacks were an early casualty. We had a year or two of jam sandwiches for lunch!

Now dh works and so we can spend plenty of money on food again. dh still gets pissed if the kids eat the individual cheese pieces we buy for ds's lunch at home. They are stupidly expensive just to avoid cutting and wrapping. I don't think anyone needs kitkats for lunch or any other time really. Can't you just buy a pack of biscuits and give everyone a couple?

Inertia · 15/03/2016 06:47

How much do you spend on cereal per week?

Original poster

BloodyPlantagenets · 15/03/2016 07:39

We buy four boxes of cereal every week, the older two don't eat it. Ds2 only knew it was 'Daddy's' Kitkat because when he asked for one I originally said 'no, they're for daddy and the kids for lunch'.

OP posts:

BabyGanoush · 15/03/2016 07:59

Cleaty, LOL about the "in France" comment. I often went as a child to stay with family friends, big chunks of stale baguette and nutella, hot choc and that was breakfast. Loads of biscuits and stuff. Loads of fat people too. But maybe in some smart Paris neighbourhoods and cute little towns kids eat like you say (not saying it doesn't exist). But Not in the High rise blocks we always stayed

It's a bit like saying in France all kids wear Petit Bateau

Squiff85 · 15/03/2016 08:03

My husband can occasionally be like this. He forgets that growing kids eat little and often, he sometimes makes comments that they don't need snacks or can they be hungry for tea already (at 4.30/5pm) - yes they are!!

monkeymamma · 15/03/2016 08:47

Think your dh was just being a bit silly OP. You are doing just fine. So sorry to hear about your MH problems and hope things are going better for you.
Afternoons with preschoolers can seem long and they sometimes literally NEED a kitkat. so do I

monkeymamma · 15/03/2016 08:48

Lol love the imaginary France we all love to think about, where kids don't snack and behave beautifully and I bet all wives have matching underwear hahahahahaha.

fieldfare · 15/03/2016 08:59

You could do a once a month bulk shop at Aldi or Lidl if you've got the space to store it? I have a cupboard in the garage for this reason, because if the extras were in the house Dh and Dd would plow through it in a week. I keep one pack of each thing in the house and replenish as necessary from the garage.
I also bake and make my own snacks. We've got cherry and chocolate chip flapjacks this week as there were some bits to use up. Cost nothing.

Is he very stressed about the reduced income and this is how he's showing it?

Thefitfatty · 15/03/2016 09:00

I'm probably going to get flamed, but I get where your DH is coming from. Like you, we're on a limited budget, and if DH goes shopping he always ends up buying things we don't need (so now I have to grill him before and after he goes to the shops) and he also has a habit of eating all the stuff, or giving stuff to the kids, that I've bought for packed lunches and then I'm left with none when I'm making lunches later in the week. Drives me insane, as I make sure I have just enough of everything we need!

Ragwort · 15/03/2016 09:06

so now I have to grill him before and after he goes to the shops - save money on your shoppng bills by grilling your DH and eating him.

Bounced · 15/03/2016 09:15

OP Have you tried putting your shop into mysupermarket? It shows which supermarket would be cheapest for what you're buying, suggests swops for similar but cheaper items and shows when things are much cheaper than normal (eg this week a leg of lamb is 30% cheaper than average in Tesco, so I'm going to buy it and freeze it). I found I could save a good £15-£20 a week using that and swopping between supermarkets if one was much cheaper that week.

Thefitfatty · 15/03/2016 09:15

LOL Ragwort tempting. To be fair to my DH, he's diagnosed OCD and his predilection is for hoarding, so when he see's "sales" he can go a bit overboard, especially if he's stressed about something (we have a good years worth of laundry detergent from the last time he went shopping on his own). I also anticipate this sort of thing now, it's really the giving the kids school snacks and eating all my tomatoes for my lunch that drives me bonkers!

BarbaraofSeville · 15/03/2016 09:46

If you swap between supermarkets for online shopping they often send you vouchers if you haven't shopped with them for a few weeks, eg £10 off £50 spend.

Agree that it is bonkers to shop with Ocado if you have a tight budget.

Probably costs 50-100% more than Aldi or Lidl overall unless you only ever take the cheapest option that Ocado sell and they're still probably more expensive, so the petrol cost argument doesn't really stack up either.

You could do a 40/50 mile round trip and probably still be well ahead on price with Aldi/Lidl. So usually worth the trip if you have a car and time to do so.

But it is difficult to bulk buy if you have people who eat all the treats quickly rather than making them last for the intended period. Some people, typically men and teenage boys are simply very greedy and if the stuff is there, will eat and eat until there is no more.

If you are on a budget, you then face the difficult choice of having to do without and possibly having some very small and miserable packed lunches or replenishing stocks when you can't afford to do so.

It isn't always a case of simply buying more and not everyone can afford to have never-ending stocks of cereal, ham, kitkats or whatever.

Capricorn76 · 15/03/2016 09:56

I don't think DH is out of order or controlling at all. He is the sole breadwinner responsible for at least 4 other people. It must be stressful and he's right to not want to see money wasted.

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