Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Or is DH about snack food?

99 replies

BloodyPlantagenets · 14/03/2016 19:42

This is petty, you have been warned.

We are skint (not on the breadline, but one income at the moment) and trying to cut back on things. We used to top the teenagers' lunch money up with £50 a month but this was unsustainable so now they take a packed lunch. Part of the lunch is a kit Kat or similar. So obvs we have these in the cupboard. Dh also takes a packed lunch.

I was at home with the preschooler today and after a big breakfast and lunch he was still hungry this afternoon. Our shopping day is tomorrow so there were slim pickings in the house, we'd run out of bananas and apples and there were only prawn cocktail crisps left so I gave him a kitkat.

Dh got really pissy about this when he got home, even though I'd made sure there were enough left for tomorrow. He says that I shouldn't let ds2 have the packed lunch food, I said that he's a growing boy and needs to eat between meals (he's a bit of a grazer anyway).

So the upshot is, I've ordered plenty of snacky things for everyone this week which means the food bill has gone up slightly. AIBU to think food is the one thing I'm not prepared to scrimp on, and dh needs to be a bit more accommodating about the whole 'snacks' issue? He thinks we should all be eating three meals and that's it except he eats at least four bowls of cereal a day.

He's just nipped out and I've put the online shop through, which he will check when he gets in and query all the snacks. So do I stand my ground or not?

OP posts:

Picnic2223 · 14/03/2016 19:57

Oh I also don't think it's a big deal that anyone ate the kitkat

PovertyPain · 14/03/2016 19:58

I'm going to leave it up to the wiser mumsneters to give you advice regarding your relationship. I was wondering if you could shop around for better deals, if you are trying to save money? I find that the smaller chains like Home Bargains, etc are better for a lot of foods.

Sprink · 14/03/2016 19:58

I wouldn't necessarily jump to the financially controlling conspiracy theory. Are people maybe being a little bit sexist? If a woman was checking over a big online shop to make sure her DH hadn't missed anything would that really seem so bad?

Some might actually call it "working together in partnership" rather than financially abusive.

Horses for courses and all that, but I'd bet a large number of MNers would be delighted if their other halves managed to pay the slightest bit of attention to/took responsibility for the weekly shop.

That aside, YANBU. It's a KitKat, ffs.

phequer · 14/03/2016 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BloodyPlantagenets · 14/03/2016 20:01

Oh, he didn't count them. Ds2 proudly announced 'I ate one of your Kitkats, Daddy' as soon as dh was through the door. The traitor.

OP posts:

MymbleMother · 14/03/2016 20:01

I'm sorry but he sounds very controlling, and the online shop makes me feel a bit sad for you - you are an adult woman with DC, do you really need someone "checking" minor things like this? Do you ask him to check or does he want to check?

We have been extremely poor recently and had to meal plan like fuckery - everything we bought or had in was "accounted for" with the right quantities etc so I know what it's like living like this. We have teens though so the one thing we accounted for "treaty" food for them ( and gave up our nice coffee etc to cover it )

DH, though, wouldn't dream of "checking" my shopping as he trusts me. I think I'd find the implicit criticism very insulting to be honest.

How is the rest of your relationship generally? Oh, and are you DC entitled to free school meals at all? This really helped us recently.

Original poster

BloodyPlantagenets · 14/03/2016 20:03

Honestly, he checks it because we've always both done it and whoever does it, the other person gives it the once over. He's really not controlling. But I think he's being petty over the fucking Kitkat.

OP posts:

sadie9 · 14/03/2016 20:03

Make sure all the KitKats are two fingered kind rather than the 4 fingers.

Original poster

BloodyPlantagenets · 14/03/2016 20:03

Oh and no fsm, dh is a higher earner.

OP posts:

MymbleMother · 14/03/2016 20:03

Oh dear, maybe I am being controlling in light of other posters cross posts about the checking!

Surely if there was limited "treats" though, your DH would insist on them going to the DC? I can't imagine us eating the kitkats at all in these circs - but I accept my DC are older.

MymbleMother · 14/03/2016 20:05

If he's a higher earner, is all the angst over a single kitkat even necessary?

phequer · 14/03/2016 20:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katedotness1963 · 14/03/2016 20:08

My husband queried my on-line shop once. I offered to let him take over the shopping and the cooking. He declined and I order what I see fit.

Teaandcakeat8 · 14/03/2016 20:08

At best he sounds very petty, at worst controlling.

Might I suggest you go to Aldi, plenty of snacks to be had for a fraction of the cost there!

Still not acceptable to feel this way about the food shopping.

phequer · 14/03/2016 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BloodyPlantagenets · 14/03/2016 20:13

We use Ocado.

OP posts:

KitKat1985 · 14/03/2016 20:14

He is being unreasonable (and a bit ridiculous). Yes I get that money is tight, but I suspect one KitKat isn't all that stands between you all and financial oblivion. As you can probably tell from my username I like KitKats, and would be most aggrieved if I was denied one. :)

On a more sensible note, could you agree something like a £5 budget a week (roughly) for snacks. No snacks at all for people who are a bit peckish is a bit harsh.

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 14/03/2016 20:15

Packed lunches here for 3 so 15 a week!!
I put "snacky stuff- raisins/breadsticks/cheddars/biscuits etc in a Tupperware type box and hide it in the utility room.
That way the packed lunch stuff is safe is ds brings a friend home from school abs they're starving.
Obviously yoghurts fruit etc can't be
Hidden but helps me to have a packed lunch shelf which I will not use day to day.
I'm useless at meal planning etc but this is a small step in the right direction.
Maybe next time ditch the online shop, give dh the money and send him to the supermarket with a list as makes it more real if he actually sees how much his cereal is and can compare to other ones and will also appreciate how hard it is to shop for a family on a budget.
Some people are clueless to what it actually costs to eat, not to mention toiletries/cleaning products which can bump up the bill. Your dh sounds like one of them.

phequer · 14/03/2016 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KitKat1985 · 14/03/2016 20:15

Sorry x-post. Sorry I don't get it. You are on a tight budget but shop at Ocado? That's a bit silly.

phequer · 14/03/2016 20:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MymbleMother · 14/03/2016 20:17

I think this is one where one person's definition of "skint" is not the same as another's...

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 14/03/2016 20:17

Apologies for not checking post for mistakes!

MissRabbitHasTooManyJobs · 14/03/2016 20:20

Sorry just saw you use Ocado!
Well I don't believe you're as skint as you make out...
Correct me if I'm wrong. Skint to me is having no money, not being down to my last hundred/thousand pounds. It's all relative I suppose...

phequer · 14/03/2016 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread